(Closed) Why do they say to never go to bed mad at each other?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s just encouragement to work out issues and not to hold grudges, although I think some grudges are easier to let go of in the morning . . .  🙂

Awwww, Doll ((hugs)).  No worries.  Despite that saying, sometimes things look a little clearer in the morning. 

Post # 4
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know people say this, but what if you’re tired and that is just contributing to the problem? Always wondered that… Don’t worry! Just try to talk it out asap. I think it is more important to not let things brew for a long period of time rather than forcing it to be resolved by bedtime.

Post # 5
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I always thought it was because there is always the chance that your loved one won’t wake up. Resolve your fights before bed in case that is the last memory you have of that person. Yeah, it’s morbid, but what can I say; the chances on this one are slim. I agree with the idea of not holding a grudge, too. And it is just a saying, not a rule to live your life by. I am sure everything will be fine for you!

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I definitely agree that holding grudges can be bad, but I ignore this rule because honestly half of our fights are because one of us is just way too tired to begin with. If we didn’t go to bed angry, we probably wouldn’t get around to the making up part!

Post # 7
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think sometimes when you are exhausted, you begin to say really stupid things, and then the disagreement goes around and around and gets magnified because you are so emotional. At least it happens to me haha, so I don’t do it. In that case, it is always better to just go to bed. In the morning, when your minds are clearer, things won’t seem as big of a deal as they were before. 

What I always do though, along that same line, is to tell him I love him regardless of how mad I am. I would never leave or go to bed without telling him that. It’s not always easy to do, but in the end, I just try to remember that even when we disagree, the two of us are always on the same side. 

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i think it depends on the fight. if its something really important that has been nagging at you for a while, its gonna cause you sleepless nights if you dont address it.

but if youre fighting over him leaving the underware on the floor again and hes mad because you told him no he needs to put the playstation down, then yeah, go ahead and go to bed. its not a fight that really “matters” in my book and given time yall will forget you were even fighting.

Post # 9
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I am a Christian and the saying actually comes from a verse in the bible, “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” The reason that it says that is because it’s alright to be angry, anger is a natural human emotion, but it’s not alright to do wrong while you’re angry. And by going to bed angry the verse says that you give way to Satan being able to tempt you to act out in anger even more and make the situation worse. And it is often true, that the longer we allow ourselves to be angry, we mull over the situation and let ourselves become more upset over things that don’t matter.

Now, I’m not trying to say that you should believe that just because I do, or because it’s from the bible, but you did ask what that saying meant, so I just tried to give you a little origin 🙂

my pastor told us that a couple times during our pre-marital counseling, but I agree with you girls that sometimes there are times when you know it’d be best to work it out in the morning – I am more irritable at night too. But my fi, on the other hand, does like working things out before bed because he can’t sleep if we’re upset with each other..aww! Anyway, I still believe it’s best to try to work things out before you sleep, but it’s understandable that that doesn’t always happen.

Post # 10
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think because you or that person could not wake up in the morning and then for the rest of your life, you’ll always think about how your last words with that person were mean or evil. My father died unexpectedly and I always think about my last words. They were “I love you too and I’ll see you on Friday.”

Post # 11
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

awww @futuremrstaylor, what a beautiful way to look at it.

Post # 12
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

My parents never gave me much advice in general or much marriage advice but this (never going to bed angry) was one thing they always stressed to me and…

They had the most EFFED marriage ever (short of being abusive). 

So needless to say, I totally ignore this. Most of the times my hubby and I argue it’s because we are overtired. Sleeping on the things that are troubling us and discussing them again the next day has become a great way for us to work things out. I am not saying it’s for everyone but it definitely works for us and we’re 8 years (6 years of dating 2 years of marriage) in…and so far we’re nothing like my parents!

Post # 13
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We are here to listen to you vent mrs. lee! Let it rip if you need advice!

Post # 14
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I’m pretty sure it comes (possibly) from the verse in the bible that says not to let the sun go down on your anger. Overall just a good rule of thumb….but maybe that’s where it came from?

Post # 15
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s so that A) You can sleep, and B) You don’t put off resolving the argument. *HUGS* So sorry that you had a fight — don’t worry, though, you’ll figure it all out! : ) I’ve gone to bed plenty of times mad as a hatter at my fiance.

Post # 16
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think for us, if we go to bed angry, we wake up groggy and “over it” and never end up talking out the root issue. It just sort of builds upon itself, making the next argument even worse. We are big into “working it out” so we can move on, so we will talk things out to the point that at least we can agree to disagree and go to sleep knowing that the other person may be acting crazy but they mean well.

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