Post # 1
I’m not engaged yet and my SO wants to have a big say in my ring, so maybe my feelings are different if I was picking out my ring by myself.
I have noticed, not just on this site, but with my friends, that people are so stressed out about finding their “forever” ring. I see the phase “you’re going to be wearing that ring forever” used a lot.
I did a non-scientific survey of my coworkers and family members recently, many of whom have been married for 25 years or more. The vast majority of those married a long time no longer wear their original engagement or wedding rings. They wear a wedding ring of some kind, just not the one they were proposed to with.
There are many reasons why they don’t — upgrade, no longer liked the style, lost the original one, gave their original ring to one of their children.
One of my friends recently got engaged, and she took MONTHS going back and forth to different jewelery stores, trying on every type of ring out there, to find the “perfect” ring. Now that she is engaged, she has buyer’s remorse.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it because of the amount of money spent on rings? My mom thinks people my age (26) are much more dramatic, or make much bigger deal out of things, then when she was my age. When she got engaged, her and my dad just went to the jewelry store and picked out a set. Obviously the internet wasn’t around where she could endlessly look and think about what she wanted. Regardless, it didn’ make her proposal any less exciting than what mine hopefully will be.
I’m not trying to start a fight but if most people wind up changing their rings anyway, why stress yourself out trying to find a “forever” ring?
Post # 3
@ButterflyButterfly: My mom wore her wedding set for 45 years until a scumbag stole it. She now has a beautiful band. I imagine, had it not been stolen, she’d still be wearing it. Yes, her new band is different from her set but styles and people change.
I hope I’ll still be wearing my ering and band for all of my married life. That’s at least my plan.
Post # 4
@LilRhodyGem: I’m just curious – it is the sentimentality of having your original set?
I’m not the most sentimental person in the world so forgive me if I come across snarky!
Post # 5
<Shrug> I really think the internet has a lot to do with it. Prior to looking online I picked out a wedding set on my five or sixth trip to a jewelry store. After being on the bee for a few months I changed my mind. However I wouldn’t say the situation was stressful. If anything I found it pretty fun actually.
Although I plan on upgrading my stone I personally have no intention of upgrading my setting. Yes I may get other erings but I will always have my original and wear it the most. The idea of getting rid of it to me just doesn’t fly.
Post # 6
I think about handbags for weeks prior to buying and I only carry each one a few times a month. I wouldn’t say I stressed myself out, but I was very particular…and I couldn’t have just walked into the store and picked something out like I was buying apples. It’s the single, most expensive thing I own besides my house and my car, there’s no way I was approaching it lightly. I wear my ring every day and I plan to wear it forever, might not happen like that for whatever reason…but that’s the plan, so why not plan accordingly?
I kind of just say to each her own…if someone stresses about her ring, it must mean a lot to her. If someone doesn’t give two shits, good for her too lol.
Post # 7
@ButterflyButterfly: I agree with you! I am COMPLETELY indecisive and have already bought and returned, like, 5 wedding bands, lol. Not married yet (I think the bands we use in the ceremony will have special meaning!) but up til now I have been all over the board 😉
Post # 8
@ButterflyButterfly: People have different outlooks on upgrading/getting new sets. My mom has been wearing her original set for 27something years and has no plans to ever change it. My MIL still wears her original wedding band.
I think that your financial situation when you get married can be a factor. People are more likely to get married at a point of financial stability now than they were in previous generations, so I think fewer people plan on upgrading down the line. There are also better simulants/colored alternatives now compared to when my parents were getting married, so even couples with smaller budgets may be picking settings that they’re going to stick with for a long time.
I do think that the internet/more choices/more emphasis on the ring are making it a bigger decision than it used to be, but I don’t personally find the idea of an upgrade appealing, and I know a lot of people who feel similarly.
Post # 9
@LilRhodyGem: +1, I plan to wear my wedding set as long as I live too.
OP, I had honestly never heard of this “upgrading” concept until the bee. None of that material stuff matters to me. My husband wants to upgrade my centre stone because he’s making more money now than he did when he proposed. I told him, NO WAY. There are better ways to channel that money and I’m happy with what I have. It’s the meaning that counts, not the aesthetics.
Post # 10
We spent alot of time looking at rings and I had a hard time deciding what I wanted. Not because it’s forever, but because besides my house and car, it’s the single most expensive thing I own.
Sure I may not have it forever, but I wanted something I would love for the foreseeable future. No pressure, no stress, just common sense when making such a large purchase.
Post # 11
@ButterflyButterfly: Call me traditional, but I can’t see myself ever “upgrading” my wedding band. It is the ring he gave me on the day that he became my husband as a symbol of our marriage, and so it has great sentimental value.
And I won’t upgrade my e-ring (I actually don’t wear it now that we’re married anyway). I will only have 1 engagement ring.
If he ever wishes to buy me another ring, that is fine, but it won’t be an “engagement” ring in my eyes. I would consider wearing an eternity or anniversary band on my wedding ring finger in the future, but that’s about the closest I’d come to “upgrading”.
Post # 12
I was really, really stressed and I almost bought multiple rings at one point and they would have been hard to return. CRAZY, I know.
I settled on something very delicate, simple, and solid with no stones so I can wear it for the long haul. There’s something about the idea of wearing that ring forever that makes me feel really nice. I’d love to get creative but I’m afraid my style will change so I want something super basic. I use my RIGHT HAND for fun and fancy rings
Post # 13
@ButterflyButterfly: I honestly never heard of upgrading and all that until I came here. Although I don’t agree with it, to each their own and whatever other’s want to do is fine.
I didn’t spend all that much time shopping for my ring, but DH did let me pick it out. I picked it out because I fell in love with it. I know I will wear it forever because it holds a special meaning. I look at it and I instaly have flashbacks of my proposal, when the pastor blessed our rings, when my husband slipped it on my finger, and all the little times my husband takes my hand, looks at the ring he spent a small fortune on, and kisses my hand and smiles at me. He knows what it means too.
Post # 14
@ButterflyButterfly: You are wise beyond your years! We have no promise of tomorrow. I’m 35, so well beyond the 20’s and I still stress over silly things like this! It is so pointless though. I’m having my THIRD diamond set as I type and I’ve been madly in love and married to the same man for 11 years! Things happen, ring styles come and go out of style. Why do I let myself get so nervous that I get hives over having a diamond set?! I’m worried I won’t like it as much as the ring I lost 3 weeks ago. I’m worried I chose the wrong setting. I’m worried I chose the wrong shaped diamond. I’m worried I should have gotten a bigger stone. Worry, worry, worry. Lol. I am so glad you posted this. I needed it. It’s time for me to sit back and relax! It’s JUST a ring.
Post # 15
My engagement and wedding rings are more than just fashion accessories to me, so I will not be changing them. I don’t know anyone who upgraded or changed their rings on purpose.
My mom’s engagement ring was a diamond solitaire, the stone fell out one day at work (she works at an elementary school, and thinks it fell out in the gravel at recess. Good luck finding that!) She just switched her RHR my dad gave her one Christmas over to her left hand. Wedding band is still the same.
Post # 16
@ButterflyButterfly: No, I’m not really a sentimental person either. I plan to wear it for the rest of my life because I genuinely find the setting and gem gorgeous! Like, I gotta let this bling shine! 🙂