(Closed) Why do weddings bring out the worst in people and our own emotions?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can relate. I thinks its just because so much planning and time go into a wedding. It just brings out the worst in people (myself as well) I am perfectly fine when we dont discuss wedding plans. Its just stressful, I want my wedding a certain way and people keep telling me that their idea is better. Its my wedding for crying out loud! Its not that im not open to suggestions its just I picture my wedding way different than others do. I just ignore everyone, because in the end the wedding is going to be my way and thats that.

Good Luck

Post # 4
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally understand.. I’m not a bridezilla, but I’m an emotional wreck & my mother gets the brunt of it, because she pushes my buttons.

I equate myself to a beeker about 4/5 full of molten lava… usually that beeker is fairly empty, but right now, all my stress is keeping it pretty full.  Everytime one little thing happens, the lava boils over!

I don’t like living this way either!!!

Edited because I can’t spell.. Im pretty sure there are still corrections that could be made ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I feel you! I am 100% right there with you. I wish I could just shrug it off but I cant. We spend so much time invested in this wedding that we want nothing but things to be perfect and when things arent we freak… well I do atleast ๐Ÿ˜‰ Peoples actions have been pissing me off. Some people just dont get it…

Post # 7
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh what a good question.

Marriage/weddings bring so much up for people.  Just a few examples: childhood issues, parents’ marriage, their own marriage/relationship or lack thereof.  

For person getting married, same thing (except of course the last one). 

As far as dealing with it, I’d try to remember that.  It’s not about you, it’s about them.  And when your emotions come up, remind yourself it’s just about this being such a huge thing, marriage bringing all this stuff up, it’s normal!

Depending upon who these people in your life are, you could avoid them as much as possible: this should be a very happy time in your life. You know if this was their wedding they’d expect everyone else to be happy for them. 

Or, depending upon who they are and if they’re open to it, you can talk to them and set a boundary by saying that getting married is a time of joy and that’s what you intend on making this time to be about.   Or something like that…

Just some ideas off the top of my head…:) Good luck

 

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Funny that most of us responding have weddings in the next few months!  My family had always been “tough”… my usual term for them.  But lately they have been horrible!  Like I am crying at least once a week from family drama.  The ONLY reason we aren’t eloping is because we would lose too much money so we might as well suck it up and keep moving. 

38 days can’t come fast enough!  But I will miss planning… I liked that part ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

wow, great topic.

I agree with all the previous posters. It is an extremely stressful situation at times! I think if we had known what we were getting into, we would’ve definitely eloped. LOL!

I can’t believe how sad/offended I’ve gotten when certain family members have told me they cannot attend. And then I beat myself up thinking I should’ve changed the day, or checked with them first etc. Oh my goodness!! It’s such a roller-coaster!

My technique lately has been to really come to terms with the fact that no event or person is perfect. And in fact, the more pressure one puts on a single event or person, the more likely it is going to be disappointing. I’m trying to think of it more as a really big party, where things can and will go wrong, but at the end of the day, people will still have a ton of fun.

My family has also really been reminding me to look at the positive. For example, don’t stress about the people who aren’t coming but be happy about the people who are.

I know, easier said than done. But I’m really preparing myself emotionally to just be zen about the whole thing. I honestly think that’s the only way to get through it.

Thankfully, we have this board and we know we are not alone ! I know even that little bit helps me so much to realize others are going through exactly what I’m going through.:)

 

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@love2lol I have been getting myself upset too about family/friends that cannot attend our wedding. Makes me wonder, like you said, if I should have picked a different date or had it somewhere closer. At the end of the day almost all of the people I really want to be there are coming, so I guess we should be grateful. It’s so hard to focus on the positive, especially when we let our emotions get the best of us!

Post # 11
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Lol, I hear you.  I literally have the worst sister-in-law in the world. 

The hilariously sad Smack-a-roos include (we just laugh about it now):

– Asked me right before we became engaged what date I thought our wedding would be…and then immediately booked her wedding for that date a few weeks later

– Ruined our engagment because she was afraid it was nicer than hers

– Would always make comments about my weight (I’m not even close to be fat…but has said “skinny girls on the dance floor only!”…ahahaha) because she has been dealing with an eating disorder all her life.  Sorry, stunting your growth to look like an 80 lb. little girl is not attractive to me.  Nor is it something to be proud of.  My man prefers a woman that is healthy, strong, confident in her body and sexy in all the right places, as a real woman should be.

– Claimed my solitare engagment ring was a “copy” of hers (umm all solitares on a plain band are just that…solitares…and sorry I haven’t even seen or care to see your ring)

– Spread untrue rumors to his family…which at first were hurtful, but then everyone realized that she was batsh*t crazy

– Threw a temper tantrum at another wedding that everyone heard.  Ruined their rehearsal dinner, according to his family.

– Literally tried to run her then fiance off the road (everyone in the family found out about it)…and  when she found out that he was going to leave her…oops, what do you know she’s pregnant before the wedding!  (There was also also the family’s idea to try to rescue her now husband before their wedding, he was going to sneak out and leave her according to their family, but had to stay when she turned up pregnant.)

What it comes down to is jealousy.  Some people thrive off the downfall of others.  If they want something of yours, they show their true colors.  What we have learned from her manipulative ways, is to keep her out of sight.  Our whole family agreed that they only attended her wedding out of obligation and didn’t really want to be there. 

The best thing to do is recognize when someone is a jealous and unhappy person that it often stems from mental illness.  We have learned that people like that will only ultimately let on who they really are…

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can relate as well. Honestly I think it’s all the time and money that goes into planning a wedding, as well as emotional investement. Weddings are very emotional things and people get very touchy about them. I’ve just tried to stop worrying about what other people think and focus on what WE want. It’s really easy to get sucked into all the drama and all the wedding planning and forget what this whole thing really is all about: spending the rest of your life with the love of your life. In the end, people will always find things to complain about, so just focus on the marriage aspect of it and learn to let the little things go. It’s tough for me but I’m working on it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I forgot to add, I also think there’s a huge amount of pressure put on the whole thing. LIke this is the most important day of your life and it should be PERFECT. Some people also seem to think that a fancy, perfect, expensive wedding is an indicator of how successful your marriage will be, when the two things have no relation to one another.

Post # 14
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

After 14-months of planning and sinking every dime we had into paying for our wedding (we saved $3000 to buy a house and get the tax credit, which was the soul-funding for the wedding), including me draining my 401k to pay for my second cousins who insisted on coming (they were HELL BENT on crashing and coming and bringing their own food to the country club reception), those second cousins and my dad’s family runined our day.

We decided to pass on the receiving line and go to everyone’s tables.  We didn’t make it to the last 4 tables (my dad’s family) until after dinner because it takes SO MUCH LONGER going table to table.  By that time, they were all outside bad mouthing me and saying I obviously want nothing to do with the family.  Then they all went wild on Facebook with bashing me.  My one aunt even came with a blank card and filled it out at the reception with a nasty message. 

They all came with hate and selfishness in their hearts. 

So my one day… the one day that was suppose to be happy and ours… was one of the saddest days of.  We are no longer talking to my dad and his family.  Thank god 115 other family members and friends had a great time.

In short, I don’t know why weddings bring out the worst in people but it sucks they brought out their worst at my wedding.

Post # 15
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m really hating what this wedding is bringing out in ME!!  As we’ve started to receive RSVPs & early wedding gifts, I’m really despising the judgemental and materialistic side of myself I’m seeing and didn’t even know existed.  i thought I’d been playing it pretty cool all along, but I’m just now realizing all these expectations I had for people and situations.  Fortunately I’m able to keep it all to myself, but I really hate these feelings I’ve been having=(

Post # 16
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Thank you for this post!  My mom and I are in a big fight right now and not currently speaking (although I think she’s coming around to talking to me).  The argument started over wedding-related stuff, and I am truly ashamed of that.  However, I think the reason that this has turned into such a big argument is b/c getting married really is a big life step.  I haven’t gotten anywhere close to the amount of support that I would hope to get from my mother at this time.  It makes me really question how much she will be able to support me in the future as a married woman… you know, as we start a family and need some help with new babies and whatnot.  So I guess for me, this wedding has brought up a lot of stressful thoughts about the transition into marriage and eventually starting a family.  Still not an excuse for having a giant fight with my mom, I know…

The topic ‘Why do weddings bring out the worst in people and our own emotions?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors