Post # 1
Seriously! From my own experience and stories on this board I can’t beleive how much negativity can come from planning or attending a wedding. It doesn’t always happen but I hate that it is so common for family problems to arise when it is supposed to be such a happy time for the couple getting married. I think my FI and I are lucky that we have not had to deal with too much negative stuff but it always seems like there is at least one person in each family or group of friends who has to cause problems or stress!
The wedding is supposed to be about the couple and what they want and it kills me to see family and friends fighting over dresses, money, cakes etc
It is about getting married, not having a wedding. Vent over…. lol
Post # 3
I think wedding just bring out the weird in people. 😛
Post # 4
Yeah, I’m amazed by some of the stories I hear. But it’s like the news. You hear about the horrible accident, not the thousands of people that drove on the same street with no accident.
We were also pretty lucky and had very little drama. My grandmother was pretty unsupportive of our venue and theme, but I could tell she was trying not to be negative and she was very supportive in many other ways and on wedding day she loved everything. And despite her concerns, the candles on the tables did not start a fire and burn down the entire town. Hehehehe. But seriously, that was about it. My father and I had a brief disagreement about the processional. That’s literally all I can think of. We have an incredibly supportive and wonerful set of family and friends. We used lots of friendors and couldn’t have pulled off the wedding without the small army of friends and family that helped with last minute preparations. Aside from marrying my husband, our friends and family were the best part of our wedding. I felt so surrounded by love and support the whole weekend! I also think it helped that my wedding motto was “Care Less”. That helps a lot. Because, at the end of the day, most things don’t really matter that much. Not worth getting upset over.
Post # 5
@CakeyP: True! I guess it is like other occasions where families get together like Christmas etc.
@JenGirl: Sometimes the Grandmas are hard to please lol I am glad yours went pretty smoothly. I am pretty sure FI’s Memere would prefer us to get married in a church but we are just not religious at all and do not want a religious ceremony. She has been very supportive and understanding, so we’re lucky.
That is a great motto!
Post # 6
@CarterLove: I’ve never understood why families (and some friends) think they can/should dictate what a couple decides to do.
Post # 7
Because it amplifies the bad behavior of people who were already selfish and neurotic.
Post # 8
I think some of the drama over planning arises because many people have strong opinions on weddings, especially those who are already married. And unfortunately, people can take your unwillingness to do what they did for their wedding as a personal affront, at least that was my experience.
Post # 9
i’m like you, i had absolutely no drama to deal with. everything worked out for the most part. my friends and family were super supportive.
planning was stress free for me.
Post # 10
@CarterLove: I think a lot of times, it stems from others being so unhappy with their own lives. I seriously believe it pains some people to see others happy. Kind of like misery loves company.
Post # 11
Stress and family. Never a good mix!
Post # 12
I think what happens is, in general, ppl don’t want to be inconvenienced and weddings are inconvenient….with the celebration itself, showers, gifts, and the excitement a person has to show when it doesnt really excite them that much. Either ppl are jealous, or they dont feel like they have time in their busy lives to put effort towards a friend or family members wedding, or they don’t have the monetary means, or they live far away, or they are ill, or they have work obligations, or whatever the case may be.
I think ppl DO generally want the couple to be happy until it inconveniences them to do something they can’t or dont want to do, go somewhere they can’t or dont want to go, or spend money they don’t want to spend or don’t have. Or they want the wedding to be a certain way so THEY feel better about the wedding, themselves, and their interactions with other ppl, so they try to influence the couple in some way so that the wedding is more like how they would do it, and to ease that inconvenience.
I also think some ppl just don’t know how to act at all when it comes to a bride and her wedding (or groom too) and so they just do whatever and whether it is offensive, rude, crazy or whatever, they don’t care or know what else to do instead. Or they go too far the other way and withdraw completely from anything wedding related. They don’t want or can’t go and they don’t want to admit it or face the couple to tell them so they just don’t RSVP their decline. If they feel guilty for not being able to attend or contribute in any way, I think ppl sometimes subconsciously take offense or blame the couple for being so unreasonable as to plan some crazy event without considering their guests, again all relating to that convenience factor. It is just too much for some ppl to handle unless it’s their own wedding or their child/immediate family.
Post # 13
A far as family drama goes, weddings and funerals are the worst. Who’s invited/who isn’t, who goes/who doesn’t, and on and on and on …
Post # 14
Well, I think the issue is that it’s not ENTIRELY just about the couple and what they want. If that were the case, then the couple may just as well elope.
Certainly, it should be primarily about the couple and what they want, but, if there are families involved, especially if those families also are paying for all or part of the wedding and reception, then the couple cannot reasonably expect that those family members also will not have a say in the big day.
Likewise, it’s perfectly reasonable for the bride to be able to select a dress style that, after careful consideration, she believes will accommodate the various ages, shapes, and sizes of her bridesmaids and in a color of her choosing, without her bridesmaids staging a coup d’etat just because they would rather have something more to their own liking. However, it would be completely unreasonable for the bride to choose a backless dress with a short skirt, and plunging neckline that would leave a bridemaid who is older, younger, more modest, or who has a very large bust, feeling completely exposed and unsupported (literally and/or figuratively.)
I’ve seen some threads where a couple has wished to marry at a very remote location that is difficult to reach and without accommodations, expecting guests to be without access to a restroom for several hours. That may very well fit the couple’s vision, but it is completely unreasonable to expect that of their guests.
Post # 15
I think weddings bring out the worst in people, not in spite of it being a happy and special time, but because of it. Emotions run so high, expectations are so great, everything spirals out of proportion. Because the marriage has so much meaning, it gives everything around it so much meaning. It
s not just a stupidly expensive white dress, its the dress you will be married in- just to give one example.
Post # 16
I have a co-worker that we are super close and talk about everything for the past 3 years. All these times, she will brag about how sweet her husband are, how her engagement ring is the best among others in her circle, how good her husband salary is which I truly happy for her and play along. We even went to bought the “engagement ring” together because there was a store closing down in the mall and the price are very attractive. It was a 0.77, F, VS1, very good cut., not as good as hers but I was content. She was proud and made fun of me that I should thanks her to spot that ring. Anyways, I upgraded my ring when I was travelling… a better ring than the previous one of course, and even better than hers. I know she is obsess with diamond like me. I whatsapp her my new ring and told her I’m finally getting married …..
All I got is dead silent and not a simple congrat. She does not mention a single word about my ring or congrat me that we will have a house finally. She recently bought new duplex in suburb (she called it a house on purpose in front of other co-workers which I found it’s silly but oh well…) and been non-stop talking about it. I am so excited for her as she been complaining to me that she hate her one bedroom condo. Always check with her to see how her furniture shopping process…
So it feels like all of the sudden, I have a better life, she is not happy anymore. Each time I mentioned to her about my wedding, my ring, or my future home, I would receive silent ..for the longest time…and she will come back and talk about her life again…