Why do you give gifts to parents?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Because our parents paid for the wedding!

Post # 4
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

That’s a good question.

I can totally understand giving a gift if your parents are paying, but if you’re paying for it yourself…?

I’m curious to find out opinions/reasonings as well.

ETA:maybe something small if they helped out a lot (but didn’t pay for anything)…but I know there are people out there who had parents who were more of a hindrance than a help!

Post # 5
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not sure what the etiqutte is. We are giving my dad & stepmom a gift because they helped us with what they could (flowers, 1/3 of the photographer,  $2k towards our venue & dd’s fg dress). While we are paying for the majority they have been so helpful.  My dad even came to a few vendor appointments. We want to give them something to say thank you. 

Post # 6
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

We didn’t give our parents gifts, but I suppose it’s much more because I’m almost 40, he’s over 40 and we paid for our own wedding. I understand giving them gifts if they paid for your wedding, but if you paid for it yourself? What’s the gift for?

Post # 7
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MsGinkgo:  You know, I never really thought of it myself. But if I had to take a guess and think of a reason, aside from helping out with the wedding (or not), I suppose I would still want to thank them for loving me and shaping me into the person I am today – into someone FH has fallen in love with, which is awesome and I really couldn’t thank them enough for that actually!

Post # 8
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Eh, back in the day it was like wedding meant leaving home and parents paid, so it was kinda like, “thanks for raising me” I guess. If anything, I feel like a graduation is more of a reflection of my accomplishments and how my parents have influenced me. 

But anyway, we’re paying and we live together already so I’m just going to get them nice frames and a parent album. I guess, like the bridal party, they are helping with the shower/RD (well, his parents are), buying a specific outfit and walking down the aisle. So we will give them gifts at the rehersal dinner I think. His parents are actually very generous to us with random things but I’d be uncomfortable giving one parent more than another. 

Post # 9
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

It is not in fact particularly traditional: it is more of a modern trend or fashion, along the line of Save the Dates. And it is not a requirement of etiquette. In fact, etiquette requires that you avoid associating your gratitude with any sort of material compensation that might seem intended to “pay off” your benefactor for his or her kindness. The most privileged circles of society teach their children from the earliest years the etiquette mantra that “a simple Thank-You will suffice.” The only reason for giving gifts that etiquette recognizes is “because I wanted to.”

Post # 10
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

In our case it’s 1) because they’re paying for 90% of the wedding and 2) to say “on this momentous day in all our lives, we want to say THANK YOU for all you’ve done for us throughout our lives”

Post # 11
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its typically financial contributions because in days of yor the parents paid. Now some people choose to get a little something as a thanks for raising me but its not required. I just dont want to spend time trying to figure out more gifts as is…. (we are paying for wedding ourselves) but I am going to get cards and a bouqet of flowers for each set.

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