Post # 1
Please share.!! I’m 33 and DH is turning 40 soon. We both very clear that we do not want kid now. Not at least another 1-2 years… but then, we constantly feel pressured or convinced by family and friends that we should have kid soon… because of our age (more like my age) At first, I thought I want kid… now that we are married, secretly I felt I don’t want to have kid…but too afraid to tell friends and family in reality that……. not only DH, I…. am not ready to be a mom. We just got married 2 months ago…. have all these plans in my head that I want to travel with DH (we were financially struggled before…so no travel plans for us at all in the past), and I also want to slowly update our home…. but if we are going to have kids in the next 3-5 years… these plans have to put it on hold… Is there any bees out here have kid ….. due to mutual pressure from society and family/friends? (please be honest). If you did, how you feel after you have kid.. it is worth it? if you were given a second chance, would you do it again or you would put your focus somewhere else? sorry for talking about this on this board.. I have nobody to talk to in real life and too afraid to bring this up to ppl around me… I know if I ever bring this up, people will surround me and tell me I need someone take care of me when I’m old….. and I will be so lonely when DH die before me… 🙁
Post # 2
Biologically, it is safer for you to have a child sooner rather than later. But if you’re not ready you’re not ready. I think you should listen to your body and yourself instead of others. Also- why are you thinking of yoru DH dying?? Is he in poor health? I’m only 24 but my DH is 37 almost 38 and we want kids next year.
Post # 3
Forgot to mention, both DH and I agreed that IF by the time, we really want kid but we can’t due to physical problem.. adoption is an option that we both do not aganist with…
when I brought this option out to my family, they think I’m crazy..and yell at me that a child is not like a cat or dog that I can just go adopt one………., especially i’m still consider “young”…….
am I nut to even consider adoption?
Post # 4
We do not want to have kids for several reasons
We are not kid people
Fiance has a job where he is gone for 2 weeks at a time so he is home very little, not very condusive to having children
We like to travel and do it frequently so with kids it would not happen as often due to cost
We enjoy having surplus cash that we can spend on ourselves
I could not imagine not having a minute to myself, not being able to have some quiet when I want it, not being able to just be alone if I want
Honestly we would not have as good of a relationship if we had the stresses of a child, We have quite a stress free lifestyle because it is just the two of us
We are kind of selfish and enjoy that it is just us ( fur babies too)
Everyone is different with a unique set of expectations of their life, ours just happens to include no children.
Post # 5
Because he is 40 and doesn’t take care of his body. Smoker and drink regularly (not just one glass, he can easily finish a bottle on his own for the night… but not alcoholic.). Doesn’t sleep enough, have unknown kidney problem (not critical but on pills, doctor cannot figure out why his body release protein in urine) and have family history of colon cancer…
Post # 6
gpiglet: tell your family to mind their own. Adoption is a wonderful option. I was adopted. It’s not like adopting a cat or dog. your family sounds wonderful.
Post # 7
We’re CBC. For many reasons, including the following. .
We’re too selfish
We like our free time
We love to sleep
We don’t have a lot of patience
We like our disposable income
I never, ever, ever pictured myself with kids. That Baby Alive doll I got when I was 8 killed the dream.
Post # 8
gpiglet: It’s also natural, men typically die first. I think about this quite often and I’m always surprised when women are shocked by the idea.
My SO and I are moving towards getting engaged and married, I’m 27 and he’s 29. We aren’t on the baby bus currently and I’m on the fence about them in the future. He’s on the fence as well which makes the decision harder. We travel about as often as possible, this year we took off about a month of work for vacations. With children it would add stress and cost to our relationship. Most of our conversations that I love and enjoy would shift to topics of the child and the childs activities. We love to stay out late and sleep in and we both enjoy our quiet/alone time. The older I get the less enthusiastic I am about children.
I worry sometimes about the baby bug or the bio clock beginning to tick at 30. I worry more about making the decision and regretting it or losing my partner from the stress or changes that come with baby. I worry about being alone when I’m old but my grandma’s still decent looking and she’s dating so there might be another round if my future hubby keels over dead early 😉
Good luck to you, I’d wait but it’s a scary road being pregnant and “older” than 35. Everything you read will scare the shit out of you.
Post # 9
Thanks for all the support. I’m surrounded with friends and families that have young children… age range from 1 to 9. They all told me how wonderful to have child but at the very same time, I also hear them venting to me like crazy……… and the details they have been feeding me…
Deep down I know I can’t deal with that at all Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids and DH is 100% father material…. but I rather invest 3-5 years to build a strong marriage foundation than rush to have kid…
And about adoption, I just feel like… IF I can’t have a child due to age, then why not giving a child a second chance? I guess adoption is very rare in my culture… that’s why my family think I’m nut…
Post # 10
Right now anyways, I don’t want children. I’m 22 and FI will be 25 in a few days. I still havent decided whether I want kids or not because I do have a lot of time to decide but right now I can’t picture my life with a child. It just seems so stressful, not to mention expensive. FI has many many child cousins in his family and I just can’t see myself happily living with all that chaos and rambunctiousness. its up to YOU and DH… don’t listen to other people. Its your life, do what makes YOU happy!!
Post # 11
MrsPierce2014: Jeebus! I am adopted and so is my sister and I am trying vainly not to be hugely, rabidly insulted by the comparison to adopting a cat or dog.
gpiglet: Having said that, I have three adopted dogs whom I adore but I have absolutely no desire to have children.
Post # 12
Personally I wouldn’t TTC with someone who cares so little for their own health. A bottle of liquor a night? I’m sorry but that’s not normal…
Post # 13
Yeah! That’s exactly what happen to me and DH. We stay out late (more like DH). our typical Saturday is spending time with his friends til 2-3 am drinking and chill out. or he spend time cleaning the house, watching movies and falling asleep in the den.
Yeah… I don’t need to read article about having baby after 35. I have live example in real life… I know all about her complication having her 2 child after 40… and what make me indecisive about it is.. DH has a long time friend (know each other since high school)…
That couple been married 10 years and they made it very clear that they do not want kids… so they always travel, eat out and enjoy life…
Last year x’mas, the husband told us the wife was submitted to ER…we all very concerned and asked if everything ok. He told us they changed their mind and it was a dangerous miscarriage… she almost die due to blood loss.. (husband is 39 and wife is early 40s)
so that get me thinking of what if…… I regret my decision now and go through what they went through?
Post # 14
yeah… it’s something I been nagging him but it’s not every night. He may do that once or twice a week? The other time are just beer
I told him it’s either quit smoking or drinking… cuz’ 1) too expensive 2) very bad for his health.
Post # 15
gpiglet: given your age, of course sooner rather than later is best but don’t let that be your deciding factor. You should have a kid when you are both ready for it.
And definitely travel. I made it a point to travel somewhere every year so that when the time came for TTC we would have no regrets.