Post # 1
I love my SO dearly, but we’ve had some problems on and off over the last year. We didn’t let the problems slow us down and we started talking about getting married next year, looking at engagement rings, etc. While it was exciting, I didn’t feel the overwhelming desire for it to happen RIGHT.NOW. And I think it was because we were in a rough spot emotionally.
Our counseling session went fabulously. We LOVE our therapist and are going back for a follow up in a couple weeks. She was worth every penny. We leave, and despite airing our grievances in front of each other we were weirdly really happy.
Fast forward to the next day and he’s acting like a changed man. I realize that this could be a short-term thing, but I’m enjoying it for now. He emptied the dishwasher. He was more chatty than usual. He was just all around wonderful and loving. He asked me if I had sent the pics of the ring we want to the jeweler and I said I had but she never replied. He said he would take care of sending another email with some new pics we found. And that isn’t something that would put me on the crazy train, but I had an engagement ring dream last night. Then I wake up this morning and it’s like, uh-oh, repress the feelings, repress the feelings.
Seriously, for most of this year I’ve been terribly calm and patient about the whole process. I haven’t felt upset by other engagements or marriages. There have been isolated moments that I turned to you guys for, but for the most part life didn’t really change much for me after we started looking for rings. And it was awesome not feeling stressed. But I think it was because we were having some problems in our relationship and it kinda splashed cold water on those waiting feelings.
And now that he’s been PERFECT for the last 48 hours, I can feel those feelings of, I hope the ring is finished by October, I hope he doesn’t wait forever to propose, I kinda hope he doesn’t think he needs to have the ring finished before he can propose. I’m trying to stifle them, so I’m posting here to get some of them out of my system. 🙂 Him being so wonderful is not helping me be super successful in my waiting battle. It’s putting me on the losing team because it’s filling my head with thoughts of “that’s gonna be my husband :)” .
I’m naturally not one to really talk about girl stuff/weddings often. And by often I mean I get the urge very rarely. But he’s always been super open about talking about literally everything. Kinda wondering if talking about plans a little will help alleviate some of my new-found pent up feelings. I mean, it would be nice to be able to tell people we have some skeleton of a plan when we get engaged right?
Post # 3
It’s nice that your counselling has helped!! And that everything is going perfectly 🙂 Talk to SO about how nice the last couple of days have been and you really appreciate everything he’s doing. I’m sure it will alleviate all the excitement 🙂
At the risk of playing devils advocate (sorry), maybe hold back a bit on setting a timescale as its only been a few days. However, seeing as you’re ring is being made, maybe it would be a perfect time to talk about when it will be finished and then what the plans are.
As for telling people: it’s only been 48 hours, and before then you say you weren’t 100% ready for it right now. Maybe give it some time?
Hope that makes sense. And that all goes well. 🙂
Post # 4
Thanks! 🙂 I’m ready. I was ready before we started having issues and I am ready now. I just didn’t feel a need to get married this instant. If we went to the courthouse next week I’d be blissfully happy. If we didn’t get married for another year I’d still be blissfully happy and not feel like the wait was unfair, unneccessary or painful. I was just mentioning the fact that I’ve never felt a desperate fact need to slap a ring on my finger as soon as possible. Not that I wasn’t ready for marriage in general. Sorry if that was confusing. 2 questions though: What timescale? And telling people what? 🙂 I’d like to know what you meant.
Post # 5
You’ve been working so hard on your relationship, and that work has paid off! I think that discussing potential wedding plans would only be the natural progression of things. If it makes your left ring finger itch less, then I say go for it!
And I agree that it would be nice to have a general idea for your wedding before getting engaged. I would imagine that it can be stressful to be bombarded with questions from friends and family when they hear the news of the engagement. I’m all about alleviating stress. Plus, being able to mention the potential season would be nice!
Post # 6
I’m glad the counselling is going well for you.. kinda the opportunity to get things out in the open before getting into the big Marriage commitment.
Glad you realise his changes (and maybe even yours) may only be temporary and could go back to how it was before.
As it sounds like you have had a few problems in the past, you may need more time to go through this process, go to more sessions as you say to make these changes more likely to be permanent, before going to the next level of engagement.
I wish you the best of luck x
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! I absolutely agree with you guys. We certainly need more time and more sessions to see if the changes are permanent or a temporary reaction. I told him a while back that I was having a little trouble getting excited about the fact that we were making my engagement ring because I was afraid of the chance the counseling wouldn’t help and we’d have to break up. He told me it was impossible and that he wants me to be excited about it. He said he wants me to talk about these things.
I probably won’t go so deep as to discuss color themes with him. But I think it would be nice to get a month down. Especially since it seems that family and friends have already snapped up April and October. I’ve really never talked to him about it before. Not on purpose. It’s just something that doesn’t occur to me. But as we get closer to go time I kinda think being able to at least answer questions like when and how big would be nice since those are the two people love to drop after how did he do it and can I see the ring.
Post # 8
@claireos: Aw, I’m glad counseling has helped so far! I hope it keeps up!