(Closed) Why do you want to have children?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m not sure I know a single person (of my friends) who had a planned child.  I’ve seen girls getting knocked up to try and “save” their relationship (That works 0% of the time), and I’ve seen people have kids because they want someone to love them (get a freaking puppy!)

 

That being said, I do want kids.  I don’t want them anytime soon, but eventually I would like to raise a family.  I’m not ready now.  I want to be a little older and more financially stable, but eventually I do want one or two.  FI on the other hand, we’ll just have to wait and see.

 

Post # 4
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think there is any “good” reason for wanting to have kids (ie the reasons listed above are bad). It just had to be something you want. I can’t say why I want to have kids… I just do!

I’m trying to think of some good reasons why I want babies… I want a big family, FI wants kids, I think it’ll be rewarding and fulfilling, and I like kids. How’s that?

Post # 5
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I love my husband a lot but I need more stuff to love!!

But, in order to get past the gender stereotypes, getting lost in the roles, etc. I think of it as a desire to “parent” or “have kids” rather than a desire to “be a mom”.  Even the phrase makes me gag a little . 

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bluegreenjean:   Just wondering, what’s wrong with that phrase? Maybe I’ll make a spin off, but I think mothers and fathers have different roles. Especially if the mother is giving birth (not surrogate or adoption).

ETA – Made a thread about this under Parenting. I don’t wanna threadjack!

Post # 7
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007 - Radisson Hotel

Well, I already have one, and trying for our second (and last). I wanted to have kids because they make me feel alive. Knowing I had a part in the creating of a human, a hand in what kind of person they’d turn out to be… well, I get joy in that. I loved pregnancy, I loved the sleepless newborn phase, and now that she’s 2.5, I still am obsessed with her. I used to nanny, and every day was exciting, and every day was hilarious (sometimes really bad days were funny in a “kill me now” way). I can’t imagine a greater gift than teaching your child what a rose smells like, how the breeze feels, giving them the opportunity to stand out in the rain. For me, having kids was never a question- I needed it for my soul.

Post # 9
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007 - Radisson Hotel

@bluegreenjean:  I can understand what you’re saying, but I think the OP was asking because she knows it’s mostly women who are in the TTC area and I assume she was directing the question to those who want to be “Mothers”. As a “mom” I take no offense, but I also love to be called “mom” (or “Mommy” which started yesterday for no real reason). Now, call me “Baby Mama” and I will take offense. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with one of previous comments, for me, it is more a desire to watch a child grow than it is a desire to ‘be a mom.’ I’ve been thinking very analytically about it lately, and trying to make a rational decision about whether or not I should bring up a child. It helps me if I separate the ‘baby crack’ feelings from the actual ‘does this make sense’ part of my brain that I need to be listening to. What it came down to, for me, was that I think my husband and I have a very interesting combination of strengths and quirks that would make for an excellent parenting team. I also think that the things I want to do with my life (travel, get advanced education) would be enhanced by having a little person in my life. 🙂 Also, I can’t wait to teach a kid to read!

 *edited because by the time I got around to posting, there was more than one previous comment :p

Post # 11
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s probably going to sound cheesy but for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted nothing more in life than to be a mother.  I honestly feel like it is a part of my purpose on this earth.  I can’t wait to play a role in creating a human being and shaping them into the man/woman they will become.

Post # 12
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@redheadem:  

@Mrs. Kiwi:  (You’re my favorite bee!!)

Points taken — there’s nothing wrong with the phrase or even wanting to be a mom.  I was responding to the OP’s comments on her mom’s feelings.  I can relate to the fear of losing who you are when you have kids, of feeling you have to do things certain things in certain (gender-stereotypical) ways.  I think that’s why growing up I never thought I wanted kids — I didn’t want to be a “good woman” and do what “good women” do. I even made my husband agree it was okay that we didn’t have kids before we got married.  For me, it really helps to think in different language to remind myself it doesn’t have to be any certain way, and we really can do what works well for us as a family without falling into certain gender roles. 

Post # 14
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Mrs.KMM:  +1 I’ve felt the same.

Post # 15
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I started a thread with this exact title awhile ago.  Personally, right now I do not want children.  (I LOVE children!)  I am an artist and my work is everything to me and I do not want to risk sacrificing my opportunities.  I believe I have something to offer to humanity and I do not want to give that up – in other words, I think my work is what I have to offer.  I think some people feel that they can be a good parent, and that is what they have to offer.  I think putting good little people our into the world is important.  But for me, right now, it is putting my work out into the world that matters.

Post # 16
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2007 - Radisson Hotel

@bluegreenjean:  AW, thanks. 🙂

I think for me, personally, I wanted kids so badly that I was HAPPY to lose any identity as a wife/woman and become Mom. BUT that goes away- the loss of identity. I’m still just me, and now that my boobs are (temporarily) my own again, I’m back to sexy Wife. In our marriage, though, unless we’re talking to Piper (our daughter), then we still call ourselves by our names. No “Mommy” and “Daddy” (that would be twisted).

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