Why do you want to have kids?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Daizy914:  I have extremely strong maternal urges. I always have and always will. I’ve known I wanted to be a Mom one day since the age of 3!

That said, I really can’t explain why I want kids. I just do. I want to be able to bring a little person into the world, to cradle them in my arms, and change their poopy diapers. I want to be completely responsible for keeping them safe, happy, and healthy. I want to make them smile, see them giggle, watch them grow, and allow them to make their own mistakes. I want to look into their eyes only to see myself and my FI looking back at me. I want to know that we made this amazing little person together and that they are the greatest accomplishment we could ask for together.

And yes, I want to experience the less than awesome parts. I want to experience the tantrums, the crying that lasts all night, and the overwhelming feeling that I’m not doing enough for them. I want to feel that overwhelming panic that all parents feel at some point. I want to deal with time-outs, with bad grades, with broken hearts, and with really stupid life choices. I want to look over at FI and wonder how we got ourselves into all this. . . because when you feel that amount of pain and anguish over someone’s choices it’s because you love them more than you could have imagined and would do anything possible to keep them safe.

I guess that is what I’m trying to say: I want to have kids because I want to experience that type of love one day and be able to show that type of love in return. FI feels the same way. We love one another completely, but there are things we could both do that could change that (ie. infidelity or commiting a crime). With a child, that type of love never goes away no matter how far apart you are or what bad decisions they may make.

Post # 4
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’ll answer for the other side, meaning that I don’t want babies. For several reasons… I think pregnancy is disgusting, there’s a risk of having a boy which I absolutely don’t want, and I don’t see the appeal of kids. I don’t think they’re cute or funny, I just find them annoying and messy. 

Post # 5
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I suppose I would turn that question around: why would I not want kids?

The first answer which comes to mind is that it is important as a society that reasonably well educated, non-psychopaths breed, otherwise the human race will go down the toilet pretty quickly, LOL!

Post # 6
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Rachel631:  So will you only have kids because you think you have a duty to society? Do you want them though?

Post # 7
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@Daizy914:  I dont know if i want kids…ever

I am too much of a worry wart, lol.  I follow the news too much and hear of the most terrible things happening to babys, kids, by people they trust, their coaches, nanny’s etc.

I am afraid i wouldn’t be able to trust anyone with a baby, if i had one…

There are millions of pediophiles and sex offenders and there is always one within 3 to 4 miles of you.  I just found out in the very nice county we live in… that there are 55 sex offenders within 4 MILES of my house!  Google sex offenders in your area and you will be super horrified.

I just don’t know how much happiness a child would bring me…and lean more and more to not having kids…

I hear around 35 if you dont have kids, its really hard to hold convos with your friends.  perhaps I can talk about my travels and our vacations to my friends instead?:)

Post # 8
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Daizy914:  Because I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and DH has always wanted to be a dad. To share our life with another human being that we made (or adopted if we would have had to resort to that) is a feeling that is unexplainable.

 

Post # 10
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Rachel631:  Ok, good! I figured you did actually want them too, but the way I read your reply made me question it. 

Post # 11
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’ve always wanted kids. I’ve always just had a feeling that I am meant to be a mom at some point in my life (25 yrs old, waiting at least 2 1/2 more). Once I met my husband and we fell in love, we both knew we wanted to raise a family together. It’s really hard to explain why, we just want it, a lot. I think that’s important. Wanting to have a family because you truly want one (either alone or with a partner), not because you feel like you have to. We know we don’t have to, but we want to go through parenthood together. Like I said…it’s hard to explain.

Post # 12
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Because I love my family to bits and I want to creat a new family. I’m not necessaritly a baby person, or even a kiddie person. But I am a family person and I want to create a family with my Husband that has all the good going for it that both my own and my husbands family have.

Post # 13
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@Pinkmoon:  Yeah, to be honest I think wanting them is an instinctive thing which we then try to justify either way. Interestingly, I never assumed I would get married… never assumed I would meet the right person, necessarily… but I always assumed I would have kids. I thought I’d adopt, or foster, or whatever.

I imagined myself growing old surrounded by kids and pets, but not necessarily a man. Meeting DH came as a bit of a surprise, to be honest!

Post # 14
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is the most interesting thread to me because as a married 34 year old, I still don’t know if I want kids. Much like Pinkmoon, I think pregnancy is gross and I’m not at all amused by kids. The only reason I could see myself having a baby is because of my husband. I think he’d be a great father and I hope our child would grow up to have all of his characteristics, which I love.

But is that the right reason? I don’t know. I guess I might feel differently if all my friends were having babies. But they’re not, it’s just my husband’s friends’ wives (who I’m not that close with) who are having babies.

Post # 15
Member
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

I always knew I wanted to be a mom.  I am a better person because of my kids.  Sounds ridiculous and cheesy but the sun started shining brighter once they came into the world 🙂

Post # 16
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jmbrick:  I could have written your first paragraph!  DH would make an awesome dad, but I don’t think I’d be an equally awesome mom for the same reasons you cited.  Sometimes I get attacked by general feelings of anxiety, and I know having a kid will probably make those episodes worse.  So at 33, I just still don’t know right now.

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