(Closed) Why does anyone but the B&G get a say in the guest list?

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I agree with you 100%. We are putting together our guest list. Great example of what you are talking about – my soon to be brother in law just received a wedding inviation for his Boss’ son! He doesn’t even know his boss’ son and didnt even know he was getting married lol  I dont get it either. 

Post # 4
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I felt the exact same way and honestly, when I told my parents this view when we first started the list, they tore me a new one haha. I kind of get where they’re coming from now. In some ways (but not all, so don’t freak out!), it’s their wedding too. They’re proud of me as their daughter and this wedding is a big deal for them. Kind of a rite of passage (I’m young (21) and I have just graduated college). This is a moment they want to share with THEIR nearest and dearest, and sometimes their nearest and dearest are people I haven’t met (i.e. obscure relatives from 5000 miles away). 

As for super obscure acquantances (boss’s son, for instance), I have no idea what they’re thinking! Maybe they’re gift grabbing haha

Post # 6
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

I’m pretty blunt with my parents. If they were doing this to us, I would have told to fuck off. Thankfully, both our families are easy going do what you want. I don’t understand it either, and feel horrible for the posters I see on here. Plus my mum had her wedding taken over by my dads side, told me things I never knew. It wasn’t their day at all. Made me really sad.

Post # 7
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I asked my parents if they wanted to invite anyone and their opinion was that since it was our wedding, we should only invite people we know and would want to be there. They both thought it would be weird to invite people who didn’t even know us, as what interest could those people possibly have in us. I agree and I also feel like inviting people who do not know the bridal couple looks like a pathetic grab for gifts. If you don’t feel comfortable having strangers at your wedding, say so and stick to your guns and tell your parents you’ll be sure to order extra photos for them to show to their friends. It’s silly to spend all that extra money on guests you have no connection to. A wedding should be an occasion for people who know and love the bridal couple and not a performance designed to impress strangers.

Post # 8
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re going for a small number (70ppl max) and I think maybe 20 people max will be add-ons from the parents. But even then both sides have said that if we can’t invite them (for money/size etc reasons) it’s cool.

My mum has quite a few acquaintances that I’ve known for most my life. I told my mum straight up that these little old ladies were welcome to stick their nose in the ceremony, but I wasn’t paying for them all. She was pretty fine with it.

Post # 9
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with you! But sometimes if a set of parents are paying then they feel like they should have some control over the guest list. I invited friends of my parents, but they were people that I’ve known most of my life and I have some sort of connection too.

Post # 10
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I thought this was a bizarre concept. My FI’s father asked if he was going to get a “list” when we first got engaged. I told him the price per plate and said that he could invite anyone he wanted as long as he paid for their plate. He never tried to invite anyone after that. 😛

Post # 11
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My MIL lives in a small town and had a list of about 20 that she wanted us to invite. 20 my not seem like a lot, but even my hubby didn’t know a lot of these people. We did a small DW with only about 20 guests so needless to say, we didnd’t invite anyone she requested. She seemed a little offended, but we paid for our wedding and wanted it to be intimate and small.

My step-mom wanted us to have an open invitation so that ANYONE who wanted to come could come. She wanted me to run an ad in their local paper. I’ve never heard of that before, but ummm…..that did not happen. She reamed me after the wedding because nobody from my side was invited. I invited more friends than family, but I am just closer with them and it’s who I wanted there.

 

Post # 12
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My parents get a say because they are paying for the wedding.  However, they were completely reasonable and only wanted to invite family and friends that I have known since I was a child and would love to have there anyway.  FI’s parents were also very reasonable and only invited family and very close friends who have known FI since he was a kid.  

Post # 13
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We’ve asked for a list from both sets of parents. When we get our list and their lists all compiled together, we’ll start making cuts. Some of their guests will make the final cut and some won’t.

Post # 14
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m really not sure. My parents are contributing, but at no point have they been like “you need to invite this person because I say so”. Actually, at one point my mom said “I don’t want to be a pain, but [stepdad] would probably love it if a couple of his friends were there so he knows somebody…” and I was like “Please, they have been on the list since day one, of course they’re invited!” Because, you know, we know them and like them a lot.

Post # 15
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We asked our parents for lists but it was mostly for family and family friends so we wouldn’t forget anyone

Post # 16
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Your parents spend a big chunk of their lives planning parties for you. They’ve got more experience planning your parties than you do, in some cases, and their guests have a longer history of being invited than your guests do.  So if they’re paying, it makes sense that they’re going to plan it just like any other party they’ve planned for you.

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