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I would encourage you to follow-up their statement with a question: What do YOU mean by that?
I think everyone would have a different answer, based on THEIR experience.
That doesn't mean what was true for them will be true for you....
I kept hearing that too! I dont feel like anything has changed though. We lived together for a year before getting married. The only thing that might have changed is the sudden feeling I get every once in a while that goes "holy shit! I'm married, this is my husband and we're going to spend the rest of our lives together?!"
I highly doubt much will change for us other than some extra jewelry and thinking it's cool that we have the same last name. We've been living together for almost 4 years. But a lot of couples mean a lot of different things by that statement. Usually when I hear it, I ask why, and get all the "you have to learn to live together" statements...but we don't. Don't sweat it. Some things will change over time, some things will change more quickly, but as long as you're both aware of that you should be fine.
I've always wondered about that as well. But the only people I hear it from are the ones that aren't exactly the happiest in their marriages (some have had some pretty drastic personality changes post-marriage), that's just my experience. So, it naturally freaks me out. But I always go back to my parents marriage and how neither of them changed and how they're happy and it calms me down again. :)
I also think this is just another one of THOSE phrases people say to make conversation! ;) Like: "Are you getting excited" (in reference to the upcoming wedding). ;)
I think that depends on how much you actually plan on changing after.
1) if you were saving yourself for marriage you will now have to navigate the waters of learning about each other sexually.
2)if you weren't living together, you now have to learn each others habits and navigate sharing your space 24/7
3) do you plan on changing how you handle your finances once married? Combining accounts can change thugs too.
I can see how major things like that would bring a lot of changes to a relationship. But lots of couples live together as if they are married anyway.
Personally I don't see many changes on the horizon for us. We've lived together for three years already so not much will be changing for us. I can't even see us combining back accounts. There's no point as its been workingfine financially like this so far so why change it just for the sake of changing it?
I think things CAN change after marriage but it really depends on of there were any major things you were holding out on doing until AFTER you're married.
I could see how that might be true if you have never lived together (moving in is a HUGE change and that is why I insisted FI and I lived together before engagement), but beyond that... not really sure how a ring would change anything :)
I think for some people a lot of things do change, particularly if they didn't live together before marriage. Learning to live together can be a rough road depending on what your expectations are in terms of housework, cooking, yardwork, what you do in your down time, etc. But you work it out :)
For DH and I, we lived together before we got married, so it's pretty much same old same old for us! I will say that I feel more fierce "family unit" type feelings, but really, that's the only thing that's changed.
For me I don't feel as if a lot will change, apart from being a wife. MY FI and I have been living together for about half a year, and I feel as if I am 'used' to him and that not a whole lot will change in our living sittuation once things become 'official'. I feel as if we had not chosen to get married but to live together as we are now our relationship and living situation would not be very different than it will be when we do walk down the eisle. The one big step that marrige means for me is that I am growing my family and taking another step to my dream of becoming a mother. I don't exect much else to change than that!
Right after I got married I felt like nothing had changed and people who said that were crazy. Except for a slight change in the significance of our relationship things felt the same. Then we entered into home buying. That has increased our stress levels to so much more then they ever were before even though we already lived together. My point is that once you are married you are more likely to be taking on new responsibilities. Not to say that people don't own homes or have children together before marriage, but I think it all depends on how much changes in your life after you get married.
Some thinsg did change for us and were a pretty frustrating adjustment even after having lived together for 2 years prior. But other things were the same. It is different for every couple. I wouldn't worry about it. People like to freak other people out about things like marriage and babies.
I think that statement is largely based on where your relationship was at prior to marriage.
If you didn't live together, didn't share finances or possiblly hadn't had sex. Then yea, a lot of changes are going to happen.
But if you're like FI and I. We've lived together for 3 years, already share finances, know every last annoying quirk, so the only change I see coming is my name.
But overall I say don't worry about it. Even if you're in the group of haven't lived together, haven't shared finances, etc. Change doesn't have to be bad.
literally nobody has said that to me and my SO when we got engaged. everybody we know in our age group has lived together for years before getting married.
we have had a few people say it in a joking way and then we all roll our eyes.
I think the big thing that changes is people stop dismissing the decisions you make that ocncern your SO as if you are silly to make decisions based on the both of you instead of yourself. People just don't take you as seriously when you say you're moving because your BF or fiance has a job offer or you're buying a house together, etc.
Because you kind of start over at zero. I mean, there is no turning back (barring the obvious catastrophes). So it certainly changed how we approached our differences. We're so much more patient and forgiving than we ever were before. It may sound silly but I used to envy my husband's success. Once we got married, I realized that his success is OUR success. I don't know, I just feel like we're one now. A true team. That's what changed for us.
I don't think it's meant to make you upset, it just depends on the circumstances. For some people (say who didn't live together first, or had a LDR) it does change things. Sometimes for the better, sometimes there is stuff that needs to be figured out. Don't let it scare you! For me personally, yes things changed but it had more to do with letting go of the single girl "My way all the time" attitude and choosing what is best for the FAMILY as a whole instead of what I want first.
Because DH and I lived together for nearly three years before getting married we actually found that nothing changed at all except my last name. I think "everything changes" for people who didn't live together for a significant period first.
In addition to getting used to living together, they are probably referring to becoming one unit instead of two separate individuals. It means doing things like combining finances, doing a household budget, making a joint calendar, etc. But honestly if you do all this stuff while you're still dating (like DH and me) then nothing changes after marriage.
The only noticable changes I noticed were all really positive ones like people stopped telling me horror divorce stories and in general we get more respect from society at large. People tried to doom and gloom us while we were engaged, but that all ended after the wedding.
I think it depends. If you didn't live together before, you'll have to get used to that.
I've lived with Danny for almost 4 years now...it's same as it ever was...but for the first year and a half of living together it was an interesting experience. It's like you don't REALLY know someone until you live together and do finances together, lol.
I think we are both pretty set that things will NOT change once we are married. You should talk to your FI and see if he thinks anything will change and if so what. It might be an illuminating convo.
Because they are dumb. Seriously, not a whole lot changed for us.
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Everytime we are with a married couple talking about our engagement or the wedding someone makes a comment about how "getting married changes everything!" Honestly, this worries me a bit. I realize that some things will change as your marriage becomes a focus and other things take a back burner and that once we grow comfortable with living together we might "settle" in but what else should I expect??
What do they mean when they say that? Do they mean EVERYTHING will change or that life will change, because there is a difference.
Thanks for your input!