(Closed) Why does everyone say that “everything changes once you are married?”

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would encourage you to follow-up their statement with a question:  What do YOU mean by that?

I think everyone would have a different answer, based on THEIR experience.

That doesn’t mean what was true for them will be true for you…. 

Post # 4
14347 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I kept hearing that too!  I dont feel like anything has changed though.  We lived together for a year before getting married.  The only thing that might have changed is the sudden feeling I get every once in a while that goes “holy shit!  I’m married, this is my husband and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together?!”

Post # 5
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I highly doubt much will change for us other than some extra jewelry and thinking it’s cool that we have the same last name. We’ve been living together for almost 4 years. But a lot of couples mean a lot of different things by that statement. Usually when I hear it, I ask why, and get all the “you have to learn to live together” statements…but we don’t. Don’t sweat it. Some things will change over time, some things will change more quickly, but as long as you’re both aware of that you should be fine.

Post # 6
2894 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve always wondered about that as well. But the only people I hear it from are the ones that aren’t exactly the happiest in their marriages (some have had some pretty drastic personality changes post-marriage), that’s just my experience. So, it naturally freaks me out. But I always go back to my parents marriage and how neither of them changed and how they’re happy and it calms me down again. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I also think this is just another one of THOSE phrases people say to make conversation! πŸ˜‰  Like:  “Are you getting excited” (in reference to the upcoming wedding). πŸ˜‰

Post # 8
1212 posts
Bumble bee

I think that depends on how much you actually plan on changing after. 

1) if you were saving yourself for marriage you will now have to navigate the waters of learning about each other sexually.

2)if you weren’t living together, you now have to learn each others habits and navigate sharing your space 24/7

3) do you plan on changing how you handle your finances once married? Combining accounts can change thugs too.

I can see how major things like that would bring a lot of changes to a relationship. But lots of couples live together as if they are married anyway.

Personally I don’t see many changes on the horizon for us. We’ve lived together for three years already so not much will be changing for us. I can’t even see us combining back accounts. There’s no point as its been workingfine financially like this so far so why change it just for the sake of changing it?

I think things CAN change after marriage but it really depends on of there were any major things you were holding out on doing until AFTER you’re married.

Post # 9
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I could see how that might be true if you have never lived together (moving in is a HUGE change and that is why I insisted Fiance and I lived together before engagement), but beyond that… not really sure how a ring would change anything πŸ™‚

Post # 10
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think for some people a lot of things do change, particularly if they didn’t live together before marriage. Learning to live together can be a rough road depending on what your expectations are in terms of housework, cooking, yardwork, what you do in your down time, etc. But you work it out πŸ™‚

For Darling Husband and I, we lived together before we got married, so it’s pretty much same old same old for us! I will say that I feel more fierce “family unit” type feelings, but really, that’s the only thing that’s changed.

Post # 11
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For me I don’t feel as if a lot will change, apart from being a wife.  MY Fiance and I have been living together for about half a year, and I feel as if I am ‘used’ to him and that not a whole lot will change in our living sittuation once things become ‘official’.  I feel as if we had not chosen to get married but to live together as we are now our relationship and living situation would not be very different than it will be when we do walk down the eisle. The one big step that marrige means for me is that I am growing my family and taking another step to my dream of becoming a mother.  I don’t exect much else to change than that! 

Post # 12
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Right after I got married I felt like nothing had changed and people who said that were crazy. Except for a slight change in the significance of our relationship things felt the same. Then we entered into home buying. That has increased our stress levels to so much more then they ever were before even though we already lived together. My point is that once you are married you are more likely to be taking on new responsibilities. Not to say that people don’t own homes or have children together before marriage, but I think it all depends on how much changes in your life after you get married.

Post # 13
3982 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Some thinsg did change for us and were a pretty frustrating adjustment even after having lived together for 2 years prior. But other things were the same. It is different for every couple. I wouldn’t worry about it. People like to freak other people out about things like marriage and babies.

Post # 14
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think that statement is largely based on where your relationship was at prior to marriage.

If you didn’t live together, didn’t share finances or possiblly hadn’t had sex. Then yea, a lot of changes are going to happen.

But if you’re like Fiance and I. We’ve lived together for 3 years, already share finances, know every last annoying quirk, so the only change I see coming is my name.

But overall I say don’t worry about it. Even if you’re in the group of haven’t lived together, haven’t shared finances, etc. Change doesn’t have to be bad. 

Post # 15
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

literally nobody has said that to me and my SO when we got engaged. everybody we know in our age group has lived together for years before getting married. 

we have had a few people say it in a joking way and then we all roll our eyes. 

Post # 16
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think the big thing that changes is people stop dismissing the decisions you make that ocncern your SO as if you are silly to make decisions based on the both of you instead of yourself. People just don’t take you as seriously when you say you’re moving because your Boyfriend or Best Friend or fiance has a job offer or you’re buying a house together, etc.

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