- 6 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
*Wave* ‘Lo there. I was wondering if you bees could help me out. I’m sorry this is long, but since I’ve not known his friend that long, I wanted to write down everything.
My fiance has a best friend I will now refer to as BFF. My fiance and I have known each other since we were twelve, dated until eighteen, broke it off and saw other people(yadda yadda) and got back together two years ago and here we are at age twenty-three. During the time we were apart, he met BFF(who is an online friend, unlike the other ones)
We waited until I moved in for us to introduce eachother to our new friends, which went well for the most part. Most of his friends seem to like me(I even made friends with one of them; score!) and most of my friends seem to like him. Everything was peachy until I wanted to introduce myself to BFF. I was excited, wow, it’s an honor to meet the person my fiance prizes as a best friend. Being the girly person I am, my first introduction was to his 3DS via the picture swap. I drew a kitty, with a sign that said “Hello, this is *my name*, it’s nice to meet you!”. Fiance and I found out that he had read it, but didn’t reply. Ok, that’s cool.
So, a week later, my fiance suggests I use his IM account to introduce myself that way. It started off and ended…pretty rubbish. I used one emoticon which was “:3” and his response; “Wow are you a fuckin anime baby”
… Um, what? My fiance told me that’s just his personality(he also had to translate that it meant BFF hates emoticons), and he was just teasing. I tried not to take it to heart. I know how to joke around too, but it seemed…mean, for a first encounter. Since then, I stopped using them because I don’t want to annoy anyone.
BFF and my fiance play online games together, and leave a mic chat open so they can pass along strategies. BFF has a habit of spamming the chat with his latest drama. Usually about things he could easily prevent or even fix, one that sticks out is his cat got in the way. Fiance helpfully suggested he put the cat outside the room. Nope, cue more whining about cat that he won’t do anything about. Now, keep in mind, bees. I listen to this every. single. day. Self-inflicted drama that fills our home with non-stop whining. A big one is BFF broke up with his live-in boyfriend because he had a crush on another guy. Well, the other guy didn’t like him that way, then BFF realized he still loved his live-in now ex. Since then he’s been trying to get him back. I hear this every day, his insecurity about other guys talking to his ex, blah blah blah….I feel bad for the guy, but my fiance has to drop EVERYTHING to literally make a mad dash for the computer and comfort poor BFF. After every single time, every single night, fiance is in a foul mood from BFF and he’s exhausted and depressed. Guess who gets to clean up the mess BFF made?
I did not hate this person. I went out of my way to be kind to him, because since he’s fiance’s BFF, he deserved respect. BFF would be complaining, saying “*his name*, are you here?” A literal thirty seconds later and I hear that typical annoyed sigh, like HOW DARE my fiance not be there ALL THE TIME to listen to his latest drama. I’d get tired of hearing it, and would helpfully tell him “I’m sorry, he’s in another room right now.” BFF would always be very short and stiff with me. I constantly had vibes this guy just DID NOT like me. Even when my fiance was busy, BFF needed help with some GED questions, I didn’t know a lot but I offered to help. More, short, stiff answers from him. Why do I even bother? Oh that’s right, he’s the best friend and I want to help him.
At this point things are ROCKY between fiance and I, to the point I cry, and I wrote him a letter because I hate conflict and knew anything I tried to come across would sound more like a squealing gerbil than a coherent sentence. Fiance would see where I’m coming from(his words, not mine) and he would say “He’s an asshole, I’m done with him.” which would make me feel bad he was cutting a friendship because of me, but at the same time I’d feel better the drama would stop. This happened several times, the same result. I thought it got through to him!?
Now here’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. I don’t own a Facebook, my grandmother does and wanted to talk to me, so fiance let me use his. I felt a sense of nostalgia and went to look at the picture of fiance and I together on his page. Only to find….comments from BFF for that picture.
“wow who’s teh fuckin cow”
“MAN THE HARPOONS!!!”
Really!? Fucking, really? *eye twitch* This is where we’re at right now, THIS BS is ruining our relationship. I already have terriblly low self-esteem, this is just like kicking someone when they’re down. I already knew he didn’t like me, but this is just the cherry on top, isn’t it? To this point, to hell with respect and common courtesy, he wants to hate me? Fine, but I’ll give him a reason to hate me. Keep in mind, this is just what I was thinking, I didn’t act on it, not yet.
Fiance lets me talk to BFF on IM. I say “Pst, do you just not like me or something?” Instantly, he knows it’s me, with “Huh? Is this *my name*” I tell him “I saw the comments you posted on our couples picture.” He said “Oh that. It was just a joke. Plus I’m a tremendous asshole.” I just respond “Yes I can see that, however, I’m not. I don’t go out of my way to make people feel bad. I would appreciate it if you not be such a huge asshole.” and then I let fiance have the computer back. Fiance tells me BFF is still typing, and reads me what he says. He said “Judging from your personality, I wouldn’t exactly want to be best friends with you or anything. I don’t need your shit right now. Grow a thicker skin.”
I’m ashamed of this and it makes me a huge hypocrite, but I went flying back to the computer, and responded(My memory is fuzzy, but I’ll try to hit the key points. I was quite literally seeing red.)
I said “MY personality!? I’m not the one making *fiance’s name* miserable! You’re the one who constantly whines for attention for your self-inflicted drama. You put him in a bad mood every. single. night. I get to listen to him rant about you being a bad friend and I get to feel helpless at trying to fix his bad mood. You’re a shitty friend. You’re so hell bent on being miserable that you force everyone else to be miserable. You get off on it, don’t you? It’s not his or my fault that you’re having boyfriend issues. YOU broke up with the guy! It’s not our problem what latest thing you want to bitch about. You’re so selfish you can’t see past your own nose and you think the world revolves around your petty BS. I’m not the one who’s a cow, *BFF’s name*, you are, for being an awful fucking person.”
and then, while shaking and having a panic attack(I have a panic disorder), I gave the computer back. Fiance said he replied again, after he told BFF that I was already feeling guilt for what I wrote(and I was, it dawned on me I was being no better than BFF was! Ugh…) and all BFF broke? “Good, she better fucking feel guilt!” and he said other things, which fiance refused to tell me because he said it would make me upset.
Hah…so after that, fiance comforted poor-poor BFF again and BFF once again told him his latest boyfriend drama. So much for “I’m cutting him out of my life”, eh? and fiance tried to show BFF my side of the story. I know he was trying to be helpful, but it felt like he was taking his side, AGAIN.
Why do I feel that way? Fiance tells me he’s going to handle this, and he doesn’t. He just tells me BFF’s latest excuse and I’m supposed to feel sorry for him, again. In the past I was, but not anymore. I LOVE how he feels he’s the only one in the world with problems, and never has once asked my fiance about his, or offered to help with anything. I love how he judges me without even knowing me, and has been judging me before he knew anything but my first name. From what fiance told me, he hates me because I can’t stand if the world isn’t full of rainbows and unicorns. I have lived a dark, miserable life for many, many years. Seeing as how I’m anonymous, I can briefly mention that I’m an abuse victim of the “finest” variety and I have been homeless, to hit the tip of the iceburg. Some of my own friends have spent their lifetimes cold and cynical because NO ONE in the world wanted them, not even a family. I choose to see the good in people and my environment because I thrive on positivity. I’m not ignorant to the world, and I’m not naive in thinking everyone can just get along. I can feel other’s pain. No, he doesn’t deserve to know a thing about me. He can go ahead and think I live in some happy little bubble while people with REAL problems like himself are suffering. He knows nothing about me but I know HIS life story because he broadcasts it over mic chat like he’s a radio talk show host.
I hate to be this way…but FUCK HIM!
My fiance, bless his empathetic heart, still reaches out to him because he knows BFF is hurting. I’m not as good as a person, I know he’s in pain but I just…don’t care anymore. I’m angry that I tried to offer my hand to this person on numerous occassions only to be slapped in the face.
Now…what has me in such a fuss this afternoon? The drama happened last night, I should feel calm…no. I haven’t slept well because guilt is eating my insides. I can’t sleep when I have wronged someone, no matter how angry they make me feel. I went to log in to apologize, but the IM was broken at the moment. My fiance sat with me, and once again excused his behavior because of more boyfriend drama. He told me last night that he would “chew him out” and “cut off contact” because he’s “toxic” and is “hurting our relationship” and once again, that didn’t happen. Maybe I didn’t expect to cut out his best friend, but at LEAST stand up for me! Not once has he told this guy “Hey, you need to knock it off. You keep upsetting my girl.” nothing like that. STAND UP FOR ME! Last night he just complained to BFF about his problems and that he doesn’t CARE, that this is between “you and her”…really? This should not be between us, this is his friend. Why can’t he step up and handle it? Just tell him to stop…why…
Why do I come in second to this miserable person?
Out of all this, what is hurting the most is the realization that I’m becoming a horrible, bitter person. What I wrote to BFF? That isn’t me…that’s not. I own up to it that I wrote it, but any given day, I don’t go out of my way to hurt someone like that…what is happening to me? I’m becoming so cold and careless. I want to care, because this person is hurting, but I don’t care at all…This guilt I feel makes me feel physically ill, but I don’t want to apologize, at least not right now…
I feel spiteful and nasty. I don’t want fiance to touch me. I feel angry when he touches me, because I feel he let me down, he let US down. He’s letting this internet friendship make himself miserable, and me miserable…and he won’t do a thing about it, and when I do something, nothing changes…He won’t let the friendship go, but he wants to fight for us. I want to fight for us, but I’m so tired.
We’re just stuck…
Please help me…