(Closed) Why does it always have to be a competition ???? VENT HEAVY!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Dont be down on yourself. I am sure your wedding will be great! Who cares if they have more money. Money doesnt buy class!! It sounds like you will have a wonderful wedding with your closest friends and family. Which will be great fun. They will have a big fake show with fake friends! Dont worry and be happy!!! Never let someone rain on your parade, its your big day.. who gives a ras ass about the others!!

Post # 4
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am in a similar situation. I got engaged in August and am marrying in August. My cousin got engaged in Feb and is marrying in June. Her wedding is in WV. Mine in CO. Our grandmother cannot stop talking about how excited she is for her wedding and so excited I am going, but says nothing about coming to mine. She is in NM so it is not as far. I have asked straight up if she was coming and she starts talking about cousin’s wedding and another cousin’s graduation and she will do her best to make mine. Then she will go on about how my aunt is paying for a cottage for her at the resort they are getting married at and how nice it is going to be. Mine will be nice too, just different. It hurts my feelings.

Post # 6
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I hope this question does come out wrong, but I honestly want to know . . . is anyone else viewing it as a competition but you? Like, have people been saying, oh cousin’s having this fab event in the Virgin Islands, but excited’s wedding won’t be nearly as nice?

I just know what it’s like to sometimes feel like your career, bank account, house, whatever, doesn’t measure up, but you know what? Usually, no one else is thinking as negatively about it as your are. People realize that everyone has different budgets, different visions, and I don’t think people are going to be directly comparing every detail of your and your cousin’s weddings.

So anyway, i know you said this was just a vent–trust me, I’ve been there!–but I just wanted you to know that your wedding can still be everything you hoped for it. And it’s not a competition if you refuse to play.

Post # 7
165 posts
Blushing bee

I am a MOB and I am going to tell you something I have learned over the years. I never had an experience quite like yours, but… when I was in my 20s and 30s, I used to be very jealous of people that had bigger houses than I had, more money than I had, etc etc. I was always happy with what I had, but there still was this underlying jealousy of what I didn’t have.

What I have learned is this… What I used to see is the surface stuff. The house, the money, etc. It was the behind the scenes stuff that made me learn not to be jealous. Everyone I have ever been jealous of had some terrible thing happen to them- a husband dying, a divorce, etc. Just life events, but it made me realize that just because they have all those surface things- does not mean they don’t have problems and it doesn’t make them happy.

What you need to do is concentrate on the love you and your fiance have for each other. That will outshine the venue and decor at your wedding.

My daughter had a smaller budget wedding and yet everyone told us how happy she and her husband looked and how in love they are. It showed in their pictures. We had small centerpieces, very simple linens. I wouldn’t change a thing.Everyone had a great time! Concentrate on showing your love for each other and making a great day for you and your guests.  Guests do not care about the most expensive venue and decor. They want to know you love them and want them to share the day with you.

It won’t be easy to get over your feelings, but you can do it.

Post # 8
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Aww I’m so sorry. It sucks to be on the losing end. My cousins getting married this year, and hearing about how hers is going to be at a fancy hotel and gourmet etc. is such a bummer. We had a super budgeted wedding and it sucks to hear about her amazing one. Just remember that money doesn’t define a relationship- just because they’re having a ritzy wedding doesn’t make them a better couple.

Post # 10
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011


Honestly, it sounds like your mom and her sister (or SIL) have a seriously dysfunctional relationship that you and your brother had the misfortune to inherit.

The fact that your mom was “venting” about it to you, instead of being like, “oh hey, so and so changed their date,” says that she is stuck in the mode of viewing it as a competition.

I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, especially if that’s the way it was the whole time you were growing up.  That sucks.  But, although you can’t control what other people do and say, you can control your own reactions to it.  You can break the cycle of jealousy and competition!  Telling your mom to stop feeding you details is a good start to that. 

The topic ‘Why does it always have to be a competition ???? VENT HEAVY!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors