Post # 1
Last night some of you might have read my post about my Fin being at his friend bachelor party and finding out from an outside source other then him that they had strippers.
So he is home and wont talk about it. He told me that it is one of those things a bachelor party that stays a secret. I finally got out of him that it was in the hotel room and I just feel fucking crushed. I know I shouldn’t feel as bad as I do at this moment but for the first time since I got the ring I took it off. I left the room crying and he has yet to come and try to comfort me or really had any I am sorry or anything. I did get that they all got drunk half way into the day and decided to set it up for back at the hotel room.
Why does this hurt so bad? Why am I currently doubting if I can move forward? I have not so much as danced with a single person since I have been with him because I know it would hurt him. Why is it ok that he knows that this would hurt me but he is drunk and with him buddies and that is out the fucking window? I don’t think that he personally did anything other then watch but I don’t know because he wont tell me a single thing that happened in the room. I called him out and said how would he feel if the tables had turned and I was the one in that situation. He said he would be very upset but at the same time ok with it because it is a bachelorette/bachelor party.
Ugh I hate this and I don’t remember ever crying this hard in the 3 years that I have been with him.
Post # 3
Im sorry sweetie. Big EHUG!
IMO, he should tell you what happened. It probably is worse to let your imagination run wild than just coming out with the truth.
I’m not a huge fan of stippers or strip clubs in general but I would feel much worse about having my Fiance see a girl in a private room (hotel room, house, ect) where there are not cameras or bouncers keeping tabs. Also, alcohol and bachelor/bachelorette parties are not an excuse for questionable behavior to me.
I sincerely hope he comes clean and is able to restore your trust and happiness.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re so upset sweetie. I hate bachelorette/bachelor parties with strippers myself, it’s unnecessary. I would reccomend that you cool off and try and talk with him again without the emotion in the way. I understand how you feel. Maybe you could let him know that if he WOULD talk about it you would probably feel much better. Him saying it’s a secret isn’t helping the situation and makes it look like he has something to hide. I’d let him know that you want to be open and communicate about this and see what he says.
Post # 6
I have friends that have stripped befoer and they have over and over said DO NOT let your man have a hotel party. Girls will do ANYTHING at them including sex. I feel horrible over porn and he knows this. He knows I also don’t agree with strippers. He is just pasted at the moment unaware of my crushed blows at the moment. How do you have your fiance get out of bed crying and leave the room and you don’t even go check on her?
Post # 7
I think you need to sit down with him, turn off all distractions, and tell him that you NEED to talk about it. Ask him to not say anything until you’re done, and get everything off your chest. Tell him that you trusted him to not do something like this, and that you’re mortified that he did. Tell him how you feel.
And then ask him what was going through his mind, and what really happened. If you explain to him what is going through your mind, he might be able to assuage your fears. It’s something that needs to be out in the open, now – not later.
Maybe suggest going to a counselor about it?
Post # 8
Nola, i’m sure he loves you and would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I have to say that i’m not bothered by strippers and bachelor parties…hell i went with FI to a strip club in New Orleans and we had a ball. As long as he keeps it in his pants i’m fine with the ocassional visit for special ocassions and i trust him completely and know he would never hurt me and ruin out future together by doing something stupid. Good luck and i’m sure things will work out. 🙂
Post # 9
Can you leave for a while until you are composed and able to talk to him calmly? If I was upset and around my Fiance, I wouldnt be able to wait for him to come check on me, but maybe it is not best to approach him in this situation if you are somewhat hysterical.
Post # 10
UGH!! MY heart is wrenching for you, not so much for the strippers and the party (those girls are lame-o) but more for how you are feeling and how he is making you feel. I dont have any good advice, but to tell you to go take a drive, let him sit alone in the house for a while. I wouldn’t even announce I was leaving, just leave for an hour or so! Im sooooooo sorry for you. ((HUGS)))
Post # 11
Do you have any reason not to trust him? Do you think he did anything with these strippers?
For the most part when a stripper goes to a party, they are not there to ruin a relationship or hook up with a guy. They just want the money and to move on-thats a college loan payment, mortgage/rent or car payment.
Plus if your FI/Boyfriend cheats on you with a stripper, then he was going to cheat on you ANYWAYS. I mean think about it as like an airline. You have thousands of planes flying around the world but people only remember the crashes. Same thing with parties and strippers. There are tons of parties with strippers, but people only remember the “cheaters”.
Unless you have doubts he cheated on you, then this isn’t a big deal.
Post # 12
wow- he refuses to tell you the details..and he is making no effort to comfort you? I think it’s time to rethink the engagement. Do you really want to take a chance on a guy who disrespects you and refuses to comfort you when you need it most? I would really do some soul-searching here. If paid enough, sex acts are common at private parties and even happen in some strip clubs. I would be really worried that he refuses to discuss it with you. Transparency and open communication are necessary for a relationship to work. You cant keep secrets from each other and expect the relationship to work. You can’t do things behind your partner’s back that will hurt your partner. It sounds like he knew exactly where you stood on strippers and he went along anyway. No excuse.
Post # 13
Kanebaby- it’s great that you’re cool with strip clubs, but this isn’t really about strippers. It’s about loving and respecting your partner. If your guy disrespected you in a different situation and did something to hurt you intensely and then refused to comfort you…kinda a big deal!
Post # 14
Oh no Nola! I am so sorry to hear this. I really hope that you both are able to talk this out soon, because I’m sure it is hurting both of you a lot.
Post # 15
to be honest i dnt see the whole point of having strippers and all that. it just blows my mind and i would like to the person who started this trend. so you’ve met the person u want to spend the rest of your life with but first you must have a wild night with strippers????? yeah i refuse to understand this and will be hoping my Fiance doesnt have strippers
Post # 16
WOW thanks so much ladies. I actually just moved to his home town and have no one here to turn to or go see. I am stuck at home. He is sleeping so is unaware of the fact that I feel like the world is caving in.
@kanebaby. I might have no issue of going with him. It is him going alone and not telling me about it. Would you not have doubts when the guy out right refuses to tell you about what he did?
He also told me to stop asking questions! NO I do not think he personally actually cheated on me. However, I know these guys and would not be suprised if they didn’t pay the girls to do stuff to eachother and I am sure he got off to that. It is really the fact that I don’t think my man should be getting arroused by anyone other then me.
The big picture is that I feel lied to and hurt. I also opened my eyes to a huge double standard that he has and how much I gave up for him (like so many girls do).