- 5 years ago
I’ve posted once before about my reservations concerning marriage but I’ll go into more detail here and I’m hoping for some experiences.
I’ve been with FI for about 6/7 years. We’ve always been long distance (he France, I USA). I met him on a school trip and we made the crazy decision to make it work. For years and years we flew back and forth every few months seeing each other, skyped, sent packages, etc. I was already committed in this relationship when I entered college and spent the entire 4 years in obviously a very serious relationship.
Anyway now I’m 24 and we’re engaged to be married next year when I’m 25 (FI is 30). I love him very much, I can’t stress that enough – he’s kind, generous, loving, funny…he makes me laugh, makes me feel good about myself, he’s never played games, he’s faithful and loyal and just a good guy.
HOWEVER, as excited as I have been to marry him, I am also terrified. FI is an extreme introvert and I’m not. I need to go out a few times per week with friends and family in order to stay sane, whereas he can go months (and has done) without even texting a friend. This has ALWAYS bothered me. He wasn’t like this when we first started dating, but he struggled with Depression, on some level I think still does, and he’s been very much a hermit ever since.
I’m moving to France after the wedding to be with him permanently and I’m terrified. I’m afraid that we’re just going to sit inside every weekend. I’m scared I won’t have friends, and he won’t have friends because he’s become so introverted. I’m scared that he has no passions, hobbies or interests anymore. He works very hard and just prefers to spend his spare time watching TV or surfing the internet.
That’s not a life I want. I want to travel. I want to do exciting things. I want to try new stuff. I have goals and I want him to have goals too. I don’t think he does. He won’t even make new years resolutions for fun. Whenever I ask him whether he’d like to travel or do something spontaneous or fun, or what he’d love to try, or see, or do, he has no idea.
I can’t bring this up to him without him getting awfully defensive but I’m worried my life with him, although full of love and support, will be dull. I’m so young and I still have so much I want to do, and I want to do it with him, but I’m not sure he has any interest in anything other than work, coming home, and relaxing.
:(How do I talk to him about this without him being offended? For the record he’s been on antidepressants for a few years but says he now feels good about coming off them. So I don’t even know if this is related to his depression or if this is his personality now.
When we first started going out, it was different. He had so many great stories about his years in college. He talked about wanting to travel. He once spontaneously picked a new hobby and went off to try it with a friend. He loved going to bars, listening to live music. He went to the gym and did a marathon for charity. But that was years ago. I’d say the last 3 or 4 he’s just been couch potato man. But he says this is just him getting older – settling down.
I don’t want to settle down. I want to marry him, but I want our life to remain new and fresh and exciting.