Why does my family have do this?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

Yikes, what a nightmare. This aunt is your dad’s sister? Is it a younger sister? Reason I’m asking is because you made the comment about your grandmother chewing out your family when your aunt doesn’t feel included and your aunt always feels like she should be included. Sounds like this setup has been going on for a long time and is not likely to change.

Do you think your aunt’s husband wants to go on the trip with your dad and his friend? Or is he being pushed by your aunt to join them? I find it strange that your aunt’s husband would want to be included even though he senses he is not welcome. If this is the case, then it seems he is forcing the issue just to spite your dad and his friend. If your aunt is pushing for her husband to be included and he doesn’t really want to go, then it is up to him to convey that to her. If it were me, I would tell the aunt’s husband that he is welcome to join – and then proceed to very excitedly talk about all the things that he will hate on the trip. But I realize being passive-aggressive is not always the healthiest approach 🙂

Sorry you’re in such a tough position – it sucks that something nice you were trying to do for your dad has blown up to such a headache.

 

Post # 4
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@alyssaC:  No advice on this situation but I’d just avoid discussing anything she could ruin with her in future. I wouldn’t discuss birthdays or weddings or anything with her, just send her an invite like any other guest and give her no prior knowledge if she enquires just smile and tell her you want to surprise all the guests

Post # 5
Member
7197 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@alyssaC:  Are there any other male relatives? e.g. Brothers of your mother, cousins, perhaps even your mother’s father.

Then you could say, “If we invite uncle, we’ve got to invite ___ and ___ as well. So it’s best to only have him and Pat. He enjoys fishing with Pat, and it’s his time away from all of us. It makes no sense when he doesn’t normally go fishing with uncle”.

If that doesn’t work I’d be more blunt: “if uncle goes he’ll be a 3rd wheel and it will spoil the present. We’d rather not do it if uncle wants to come”.

Post # 7
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t have any good suggestions for you except to keep ideas and trips to yourselves in the future.  I remember the post about your birthday and now this.  You guys need to NOT include them in information or “hey, do you want to chip in” kind of things.  Knowing your uncle the way you do, didn’t you guys think this would happen?

Post # 8
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alyssaC:  When is the trip? How many weeks or months until then?

Is it possible to just avoid their phone calls or tell them “I’m sorry but we got the last two seats?”

Or just tell them “this is for Dad and Pat only?

Or how about saying that Pat decided to pay for the trip as a gift so only he and your Dad are going?

Is it something they can easily google and get information about?

Post # 9
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alyssaC:  Your dad sounds like a wonderful man. Do NOT let your uncle ruin this trip for him!!! Let Princess Aunt get upset and grandma too!!

Post # 11
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@alyssaC:  Damn, your aunt!!!  I remember your last post and thinking WTF!

Personally, knowing what you wrote about how your aunt always wants her husband included I would not have asked the extended family to help.  But now that you have I would just blatantly point out that your dad likes fishing with his bromantical friend so that’s how you planned the trip PERIOD.  And then stop asking her to contribute obviously.  I would cut all unnecessary communication with that all-about-me biatch.

Post # 12
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would end all conversation with the aunt and grandmother about the trip.  Go ahead and book the trip for your dad and his friend.  If one of the ladies brings it up in the future or find out the trip took place just tell them that you thought it best that this trip just be the two of them…nothing more, nothing less.  This trip is first and foremost for you father and if he doesn’t want the uncle there then he shouldn’t be there.  You owe them nothing

Post # 13
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alyssaC:  Is there a way you can give him the gift privately? Maybe on Christmas Eve with just you and your mother? And after the excitement has worn off tell him what is going on and tell him to mention nothing to his sister and mother about the trip?

If they ask have him say ‘oh you have to ask alyssaC aboout that” and when they come to you say “Pat paid for it and will be driving them. Sorry the trip is all full”. If they keep pressuing for informaition tell them nicely “Im sorry but there is nothing I can do” and end the convo??

 

Post # 14
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

It is situations like these that make me glad I do not have much of a family.  How stressful.  

I know it is likely different in your situation, but if it were me, I’d be like “He’s not invited. This trip is for my dad, and he wants to bring his BFF Pat, not Uncle Crybaby.”  

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