Post # 1
I saw a bee asking if the center stone for a ring she is considering is too big, and a couple of the comments were people asking what the stone size was of people in her area/circle of friends. This is not the first time I’ve seen this… I’ve noticed many bees talking about how their ring is either bigger or smaller than most peoples in their area/group of friends.
So my question is, why does it matter what the “average” is? If you want a bigger ring, are you really going to be hesitant because it will be bigger than your friends or coworkers rings? Whatever you and SO are comfortable spending is between the both of you and in my opinion shouldn’t be determined by what everyone else has…
What is your opinion on this?
Post # 3
@FutureWifeyV: Personally, I don’t care what others around me have or don’t have. One reason to see what the “average in your area/circle” is could be to assess your own expectations as reasonable vs. potentially unreasonable. Otherwise, I see no value in asking others if they think your ring is “too big” or “too small”. It would be tantamount to asking if you should marry your partner…..you should already know the answer. 🙂
Post # 4
My opinion is that it doesn’t matter. Or at least, it shouldn’t!
Post # 5
@FutureWifeyV: I could not care less what people in my circle or area have, personally!
Post # 6
@FutureWifeyV: people will always compare. Most people I know have around same size as me a few smaller, few larger. Most are around my age are about the same..My mom and FMIL have teeny stones. I just wanted to love it and have a nice sparkler. I don’t really compare it myself, but I’ve had people compare their SO ring to mine. I picked it out, so if they say anything negative I think they are being douchey, since it basically is insulting my decision and preferences…
I never wanted size over quality to begin with. A lady at my job said her friend was bragging back when all of her group was getting engaged and the bragging lady had a huge carbon deposit haha. So they all talked about how the lady had a bigger stone but it was so easily seen by the naked eye to be flawed. I’d rather have a smaller better quality stone. Mine is no where near perfect but it looks damn good to me and everyone compliments me on it. I have small hands so I didn’t want anything too big bc I thought it was gaudy looking on me.
Post # 7
It doesnt (and didnt when my DH and I picked out my ring) matter to me! I think some people dont want it to be “flashy?”
Post # 8
@FutureWifeyV: I don’t even notice other people’s rings, unless it’s very, very big and you can’t help but see. But statement rings are not that common where I live, and if they wear one, it’s not an e-ring or wedding band, it’s just a fashion accessory.
Post # 9
@FutureWifeyV: Going over the average is a display of conspicuous consumption. That’s a social message that some very much want to send, and others very much don’t. Going under represents the opposite social message, again sought by some and avoided by some. Average size is basically saying “no public comment” on your financial status.
It’s no different than other status items such as cars, handbags, etc.
Post # 10
Etiquette Snob here… lol
I think in the context of the Question as it was posed “Is this too big / showy” then the feedback of “What is average for your area / social circle” is appropriate
Traditionally, an overly enthusiastic show of wealth was considered rude (bragging)
Somehow, in recent time the world has gotten away from this concept (ie the 7 Deadly Sins… ties into Greed – Envy – Pride and Vanity)
Hence I think that both the Question & Answers were valid.
Post # 11
@FutureWifeyV: I think the questions are fine to ask, and are usually done out of curiosity but answers are not actually used to make any final decisions. I don’t care what other people have, but I do love looking at different rings!
Post # 12
@FutureWifeyV: This is and interesting topic! it has baffled me for a while! I live in boston and the average is 1.5-2.5 and higher! I on the other hand asked for no more then 1 and even that is on the higher side for me! (ps I havent gotten it yet) BUT on the other hand 2 of my good friends are married one has a .30 and loves it my other friend opted out of the e-ring all together and just has a band. I realized in comparison my ring could look flashy in my group of friends but I was quickly over it. why should I care? they wont!
Then there is FSIL who has a 2.5+ when I told her what I wanted I got “o thats it?” I have never been so insulted. Why does she care? because I dont care for what she has that was her choice.
Sorry rant over!
Post # 13
@joya_aspera: I understand what you’re saying, I wish it were not that way though. My parents don’t make a lot of money but they still drive a Lexus and a 2012 Toyota. It’s not to he showy, but rather they wanted something nice and had the finances in line to afford them. I’d hate to be filthy rich and feel obligated to hide it.. If you can afford nice things, there’s no reason not to have them. In fact I’d hate to be so afraid of people judging me that I go for the “norm”, whether is bigger or smaller than what I realistically could have.
Post # 14
@wanabeabee: I can’t believe she said that to you! Honestly it’s kind of absurd how judgy people are over things. Who cares what you own, seriously??
Post # 15
To me, it DOES NOT matter. I saw something posted here on the Bee, that I think is something to think about….
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Post # 16
I have one friend with a white gold illusion princess cut (9 stones, I think the equivalent would be a 2ish+ carat princess cut, so it’s pretty large) halo that’s split shank with a wrap band, one who isn’t engaged yet but wants a yellow gold round solitaire (large stone), another friend with a princess cut solitaire (also a pretty large stone) with channel set sidestones in white gold, another friend has a swirly-looking bypass-ish cluster ring in white gold, and mine will be a round milgrain bezel with a halo (large) and a floral-type split shank with bezels on the ends two wedding bands (all platinum, all euro-shanks), so we’re all different, and no one has judged yet! Honestly I love all of my friends’ rings as well as my own, I think they all reflect our personalities!