Post # 1
I live in Boston and I am here without family and without friends. They are all in California. I am engaged to a wonderful man, but he is the only connection that I have here.
Now that I am going to be married I thought people would be excited. When I call home and try to talk about wedding plans, even my best friends can’t even fake excitement. They change the subject. My parents don’t even ask how things are going or if they can help even though I have mentioned there are things I need help with.
I know my fiance is a man and they don’t really get excited about wedding stuff, but he is the only one around who can show me that they are excited. I thought I could count on him at least. I finally booked an appointment to look at wedding dresses. He didn’t sound excited. In fact, any time I mention the wedding he doesn’t sound excited, he sounds put upon.
Is is really that much to ask that my fiance, who knows that I’m getting no support from home, act like he cares?
Post # 3
I’m sorry you feel that way. 🙁
Honestly, I think that’s what sites like WB are for. I don’t bring up wedding planning with anyone other than my FI unless I have a pertinent question. We have a long engagement, so I just let others bring it up if they’re interested.
My FI is excited about a couple aspects of the wedding, but not many. He’s more excited about the marriage, which is the way I want it!
Post # 4
Eh…my husband was pretty uninterested in wedding stuff. I don’t recall him being “excited” about stuff like me booking my dress or picking out flowers. It was more like, “can we please talk about something else”….so I resorted to sending him wedding email updates.
And yes, you want your family/friends to be excited, but to be realistic, they probably aren’t as interested as you want them to be. Keep wedding talk short and sweet, don’t go on and on about stuff or you’ll lose them. Send them emails/weekly newsletters if you want to.
It’s not that your FI doesn’t care, though, don’t take it like that. How’d you like it if he talked sports and football and beer all day? I would HATE it. So try to look at it from another perspective
Post # 5
Because of your situation, I think you need to tell him you need support. I had a small version of this with my mom, and I just flat out told her, at least pretend like you’re interested. It made a big difference, and I’ve been a lot happier.
Post # 6
My FI cares about 2, and only 2 things with regards to our wedding: 1) venue and 2) budget. Seriously…. other than that he couldn’t care less about the details. Guys are just different ya know… they want to BE married. The getting married bit doesn’t interest them too much.
Post # 7
I’m sorry! Would you be able to try to get to know some people in Boston so you have some friends both their and in California?
Here’s a post from a while ago that has some really good advise (IMO). http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/no-one-will-ever-care-about-your-wedding-as-much-as-you-do
Post # 8
Oh, you poor thing! I went through this a bit when we first got engaged—at first, it seemed that he and I were the only ones that cared.
But lilyfaith is right…those feelings are exactly what Weddingbee is here for. We all LOVE weddings and would love to hear about yours and help you out!
Hang in there, dear bee!
P.S. Is your wedding in 22 days?
Post # 9
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. For what it’s worth, my fiance didn’t really get interested in the planning until we were about 6 months out. And even now, he’s not really jumping for joy at our choice of flowers or anything. I think basically it’s something that you should be excited for (if you want to), but other people aren’t going to get as excited, especially when you have more than a year to go (trust me, ours is a 19 month engagement).
If you need help with certain things, be very specific in asking for help. Like, I asked my fi to round the corners on our STDs and all our invitation inserts, and he was happy to do it. But I don’t think I’d have gotten the same results if I just said “I need help” – I had to actually give him a specific task.
Post # 10
Whoops! I just noticed that your date is 2010, not 2011! Disregard my post then, sorry!
Post # 11
I think you’ve gotten some pretty good advice so far. My FI could care less about the planning process…its not that he doesn’t care about getting married, the details don’t interest him. One thing I did do to get some feedback is I’d give him two options and ask if he preferred one thing over another. Another thing I did is limit how many questions or how often I asked him stuff. I got better answers when things were spread out.
As far as family and friends, the sooner you can accept that their excitement level is going to wane and your wedding is not all they want to talk about, the better off you will be. Yes, sometimes it does suck that you can have multiple conversations without someone asking you anything about the wedding, but then again, the less burn out or overwhelming it can seem too.
Post # 12
Sorry guys, I accidentally put 2010 instead of 2011, haha. Thank you for all the advice. It has been really helpful just putting it out there and getting support. This is a really nice message board. Thanks all!
Post # 13
Sorry I don’t have any experience with regards to myself and engagement, but I have a lot of friends who’ve been recently engagement and married. From what I gather it depends on the guy. My one friends FI was so into the wedding that they actually got into fights. She maintained that he should only have an opinion on the tux (not even color) and his groomsmen. He had an opinion about everything, I mean everything! Another friends FI couldn’t care less. He just wanted to be told what to do. He told me he was just waiting for the day to come so he could party and the questions about center pieces ending. The whole wedding planning drove him nuts. I know it doesn’t help much, but maybe it might give you insight into your FI mind.
As for friends, that’s though. I was a bridesmaid for a close friend. It was my first time and she was the first of my friends to get married. I didn’t have a single clue of what to do. I was really excited for her, but I didn’t really express it clearly. Also, since I was the only one of her BM close by she expected a little more of me, but she didn’t say so. She vented to me one day about the stress, so I told her if she needed anything just tell me. Cause I’m not the kind to know about these things. So maybe just tell your friends BM that you need a little help, and tell them what kind of help. I did what she asked (within reason), and was quite excited to be apart of it.
Post # 14
Definitely turn here for excitement! I know it’s tough to move to a new place, but unfortunately, some guys aren’t all that excited about the prospect of you going to look at dresses. It’s not personal to you, it’s just not what they find fun.
And as for your family, it’s hard to be able to relate when you’re across the country from one another. Definitely let them try to bring things up to you rather than talking with them all the time about your planning. And you have us to talk about the planning with! I’m super excited for you that you made your first appointment to look at dresses! Woohoo!
It also may be that your friends and family back home think that your wedding is a far way off. And of course, no one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are! So, I hope you come back to us and tell us what happened after you went to look at dresses and what you find! We’ll be excited for you!
Post # 15
I felt the same way! I was devastated when my mom would not go to my second fitting (of three). And DH always wanted a break from the DIY failures and craft store visits! The maids had their own busy lives to attend to. Ah well, I had fun!
I’m near Boston if you need a buddy! 🙂 But I suck at crafts. I like pretty dresses and shoes though…
Post # 16
Yeah, that’s how it was for me. Then when we were about 4 months out, everyone started getting excited with me. I think that its just so far away, they don’t feel the need to get excited right now. Remember, its YOUR wedding, not theirs. That’s what we are here for, to be excited with you