Why don't I feel excited that I have 3 guys asking me out?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@AussieSummer:  i don’t think it really matters why. if you’re not interested, you’re not interested. no need to dwell on it.

Post # 4
7019 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AussieSummer:  Hi, I’ve replied before. I have a new name but the same avatar.

Guy #1 doesn’t count. The ex has messed with you sooooo much, please don’t give him a 735th chance. Toss his flowers in the bin. Or even better, on the ground outside his house if you’re sure you won’t be seen.

So you’ve got 2 guys who like you, not 3: the one went on a date with, and the sweet shy guy. It’s a nice position to be in. Take your time, perhaps get to know each a little better, pray, trust your instincts, and see where it heads. Good luck!

Post # 5
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@AussieSummer:  I ended a 5 year relationship the summer I turned 23. Some people date again right away, “get back on the horse” so to speak. I personally went through stages of anger and grief and that included feeling numb/bitter/disinterested in guys at times. I focused on my friends instead. I went on my first post-breakup date over 9 months later when I felt ready to date again. Neither way is right or wrong, you have to listen to your gut and do what feels right to you.

Post # 6
1258 posts
Bumble bee

You were with your ex for 4.5 years. I’ve seen some of your posts in the past…it was late last year that you broke up right? I reallly think you need to take some you time and forget about guys completely. Spend time with girlfriends, pick up new hobbies, and just figure out who you are and what you want. Stop looking for a new guy (or turning back to your ex who you are WAYYYYY better than) and the perfect guy WILL waltz right into your life. 

When I was 20-22ish, I was in a similar place. I broke up with a serious boyfriend and flitted around dating a few guys at once but never really felt anything for them. Or I’d feel like I had a crush on one of them but then realize after hanging out with that person, that it wasn’t them. It was that I was ‘in love’ with the idea of having a boyfriend again, not that person. When I truly, truly stopped looking to date and just focused on my school and friends and hobbies again, I started talking to my now FI. That was six and a half years ago. Things fall into place when they are supposed to. You can’t make yourself like someone just for something to do. 

Post # 7
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@AussieSummer:  It’s good to have validation that other people find you attractive after a bad break up. However, never EVER, start a relationship just because the person happens to be there and like you or because they tick all the boxes. Ihave done that before and trust me, it goes nowhere, sloooooowly.


Like a PP mentioned, take the time out to re-discover yourself and have some fun. 4 1/2 years is a long time especially if it was not such a great relationship. 


Then you can slowly ease yourself into the dating scene and start a relationship with someone who makes your heart flutter.


Good luck!

P.S. In the meantime, enjoy the chocolates and attention (as long as you make it clear that you are not interested). Except for anything from the ex. Tell  him that he is welcome to make himself disappear ever so kindly please.

Post # 8
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@AussieSummer:  I think you’re not feeling anything because you are still hung up on #1, whether you want to be or not.  It doesn’t mean you necessarily want to be with him, but you’re not over the whole situation. You need time to get over the break up, and move on with yourself before you feel anything for anyone.

Post # 9
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

The only person you should be dating right now is YOU! In other words, enjoy your time alone and let yourself heal…learn about yourself and set goals (I mean like learning something totally new or something that you’ve always wanted to). Once you feel more settled on your own then you will be ready!

Post # 10
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@AussieSummer:  Because you are still letting your ex mess with you. You need to truly remove him from your life, as in, don’t come near my home, don’t leave me any notes, don’t call me, don’t text me and don’t talk to me. You need to be able to focus on you and you can’t do that while your ex is messing with your head. Of course he has done a 180, he had you and could do whatever he wanted and you wouldn’t cut him out, but if there’s a new guy he might lose his control over you so what does he do, try get that control back.

You need time to get him out of your head and your system and then you can get serious with another guy. For now, a. get your ex the hell out of your life and b. make it clear to the other two that you need time to sort through everything but you’d love to still see them, although it is likely to just be friendship.

Post # 11
78 posts
Worker bee

I read your previous threads whenever you posted them OP.  I agree with the other posters, cut your ex out of your life.  He’s holding you back and he had his chance with you.

The reason you don’t feel anything for any other guy is understandable, you still feel for your ex.  He was a big part of your life and it’s not easy brushing someone like that off but the thing is he’s shown you what he’s like.  I’m not going to reiterate why, since it seems like other posters have commented on this subject previously.  

I’m going to answer honestly, cut the ex. Date around, live a little or take time to mourn about the loss of the relationship and then move on.  You don’t have to feel anything for anyone in the beginning, since you’re getting to know the person.  But remove your ex from your life.  Your ex is major baggage.  

Post # 12
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Girl, I think you need to learn to be happy ON YOUR OWN first. Find time to create an identity for yourself that does NOT depend on any other men. It is then that you will find true joy and happiness, and from that, the right guy will come. Right now you’re still rebounding and caring for your ex, and that is going to cloud the way you can think clearly about the next step with a guy. 

Post # 13
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@AussieSummer:  You don’t feel excited because real life is not a romantic comedy, and having three people interested in you, while superficially validating (and I’m not knocking superficial validation, we all like a little now and again!) is also stressful and creates the potential for heartbreak, drama, and pain.

And having three or thirty or three hundred people interested in you is not going to be that exciting if you’re not interested back in any of them. 

The ex isn’t exciting because while it’s gratifying to have someone who treated you badly do a 180 and fuss over you, you still know in your heart that he’s still bad news.

The rich handsome guy isn’t exciting because you don’t feel anything for him

And the third guy isn’t exciting because he has (correctly) identified that you’re not really ready to be involved with someone following what sounds like a rough breakup.

I feel for you, girl- I had a similar situation (on Valentine’s day, no less!) many years ago, where a guy I was casually involved with and who I felt like I SHOULD like more than I did sent me a huge bouquet, and a friend I didn’t know had a thing for me left roses and a confessional love letter on my porch, and an ex I was still pretty heartbroken over left me a cryptic message. And rather than feeling glamorous and desirable I felt like a quivering mess of conflicting impulses and anxiety that I was going to do the wrong thing and awareness that no matter WHAT I did I was going to hurt someone’s feelings, and it sucked. And no, in the end, none of those three guys were right for me.


So, that’s probably why you’re not excited. If you were a movie character you might be excited, but you’re a real person with feelings and a conscience so are all three of these guys, so this is more a stressful situation than a delightful one.

Post # 14
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

@AussieSummer:  Get to know guy #3 a little better.

Maybe go on a lunch date rather than dinner since lunch is usually less serious?

Post # 15
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Have you considered just being single for awhile? Sometimes we need to find ourselves after a tumultous relationship. From your frequent posts, you still aren’t over the ex and allowing him to continue to contact you is just prolonging your misery. If you don’t give yourself time to heal, you will continue to be involved in questionable relationships.

Post # 16
3349 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

For the love of goddess leave your douchey ex alone.

And as for the other two, it is obvious they, or the timing, is not right. Stay single for a while, and I am pretty sure in time you will find someone who you can be excited about.


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