(Closed) Why don’t I feel feminine enough *vent vent*

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

First of all, you should know that gender is a learned behavior. There are tons and tons of research studies on this, but I’m sure you’ve seen it in your own life. I know when I was younger, I used to play with trucks *and* barbie dolls. I grew older, and I decided I liked makeup because I liked messing around with different colors and things. 

You grew up leaning slightly towards what we categorize as ‘boyish’ behavior, and some of your habits continued like that after you got older. Like tons of other modern women, some of your habits are picked from what we categorize as male and female behaviors. 

There’s nothing wrong with that! Most people do it! Personally, I might look more girly, but if you get me home, I’m not going to crochet or bake. Everyone is different! You just aligned with different things on the made-up gender spectrum. Your Fiance loves you how you are, and it’s time to start loving yourself! Try reading up on some women’s studies issues, and I think it will really open your eyes to how ‘normal’ you really are as a woman!

Post # 5
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsWeddingbliss: Also–my Fiance likes longer hair, too, but I’m probably going to cut it short after the wedding. He doesn’t get to choose what you look like, sweetie! Best to set those ground rules now!

Post # 6
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wrote you something long and it got deleted πŸ™

It went something like this

First: Congrats on your weight loss! that is a very big deal!

Second: I know I tend to compare myself to others sometimes but you say you and hubby are very much in love. So it’s not so much the cover of the book that matters, but what’s inside. He obviously loves you for who you are.

I think you are letting people like your mom get you down and influencing you.

Being yourself is definitely most important.

I don’t do my nails, get my hair done or wear fancy clothes either.

My husband thinks I’m the most beautiful person on earth.

it’s hard sometimes, but keep thinking of your love for each other and congrats again!

Post # 7
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

@MrsWeddingbliss: It’s ok to feel like this sometimes. But you have to get yourself out of it, and realize that you do matter and even though you’re different than some girls… there are a lot of girls who are like you. I have way short hair (don’t even get me started on this), and I don’t like make up, the only nail polish I put on is my toes (in the summer). If something special isn’t happening I don’t put earrings on because I’m lazy. Overall I’m just not a girly girl. But my Darling Husband loves me and thinks I’m hot as crap (no clue why… well maybe I hav a clue). He could care less about the make up and asks me about it when I DO put it on… he’s like, wait why are you wearing make up?! Haha.

Sometimes I go out with Darling Husband and his friends and there are these girls around that are all done up and barely wearing clothes. The funny thing is… his friends are like, “Kperry you are the one that got away! I can’t believe you didn’t marry me“. I believe that I’m beautiful on the outside, I really do. It’s not about the make-up or my clothes or my hair. But I also believe I’m beautiiful on the inside. I’m nicer than any of those girls without clothes on… and I have more sense than them as well. That’s where the draw is from DH’s friends.

I say all of this stuff (about me) because I hope it helps you realize the things about you that are beautiful. And the things that you hate may not matter. Sure, every once in a while to feel good maybe you should paint your nails, or wear something nice… but don’t let it define yoU!

Post # 8
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Aww, I’m sorry you feel this way. ((HUGS)). FWIW, I never wear makeup, and almost always wear my hair down or up in a clip.  I dress comfortably (think bermuda shorts and plain colored tshirts – right now I am loving the slightly ruched v necks I got from Kohls). I very rarely wear heels, I have a lot of foot problems so I almost always wear flats. I have pretty days, and some days,I won’t even look in the mirror. But, no matter how I feel about myself, hubs always lets me know that I am hot and sexy to him. Even on my frumpiest days, he makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

maybe you could tell him how you feel, and ask his advice on what he wants to see. I wear glasses, and I always make my husband help me pick them out, because he looks at me everyday. Sometimes, what you don’t think looks great, your man will love

Post # 9
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@kperry3: Love this!! I used to be one of those girls who wore makeup and wore a lot tighter and smaller clothes, and the first time my husband (then bf) saw me without makeup and wearing “normal” clothes (like I do now) he told me how great I looked and that he wanted me to dress like that, not like I was. It was giving me the wrong kind of attention, and I realized that being with him was different than other guys – he didn’t want me to flaunt what I have for anyone but him, but he knew i looked just as good with different clothes. It really gives you a different perspective

Post # 11
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

GIRL – stop it!

Did you say you lost almost 120lbs in the past 2 years? WOW! Congrats! That is serious stuff!

I do my nails, eyebrows, hair color, wax/shaving myself. If I get a pedicure, then it is a ‘spurge’ kinda day. I don’t shop often and I am really picky about my clothes and what I am going to spend money on. I am into buddhism, yoga, not drinking/partying, living green and simply, and all things eco friendly. I don’t like to be wasteful or excessive.

Women my age always treat me a little differently because I am just a little different. I am not into big glitz and glam and I have a hard time relating to girls that are sucked into trendy, popular culture. You know what? I’m fine with that. I like me and I like being me!

You don’t have to fit into a set definition of a ‘girl’. Moms want their daughters to be like dolls because it’s fun. But you are already fun on your own! Your hair will grow even longer. You can bake, knit, read all you want! Wear ballerina slippers to your wedding and enjoy it. On your wedding day, no matter how feminine you look, you WILL wow your Fiance. It will be your wedding day!

Above all…just be you! He loves you for you, and the world is a more fun place with people like you and me who like different things and go off the beaten path. Now next time you see yourself in the mirror, SMILE at the lovely person looking back at you!!

Post # 12
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Be yourself.  Feeling confident is the most important/ sexiest/ most feminine thing ever.  I work on cars, grew up playing baseball, love fishing, and drinking beer.  I don’t wear makeup and I am a bit of a hippy.  I love camping, cheeseburgers, and hanging out with men.  This does not determine your femininity.  You have to be you, feel good about it, and that will pour off of you.  Those other things are outside, societal things.  I do get my hair professionally cut from the best person in town and take care of my skin- but those are not male or female specific things- those are things I do to take care of myself.  They make me feel good and confident.  The most important thing is to be yourself, love and respect yourself, and you will feel better.  I don’t really believe in gender roles- Darling Husband is a better cook and has taught me what little I do know about the kitchen.  He grew up caring for his sisters, but he is the most attractive, masculine man I have ever known.

Post # 13
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You were being so hard on yourself!  I’m glad you’re already feeling better.  I just wanted to point out there is a compromise between looking like a “doll” and not wanting to do those so-called girly things.  I do my own nails (clear polish), tweeze my own brows, get my hair highlighted and keep myself in shape.  I like to look cute but I’m not trendy, nor do I dress in uncomfortable clothes for the sake of fashion.  No make-up and no heels either.

I’m totally natural but totally “girly” at the same time.  Next time you start to feel that way, try something “girly”.  Go get a facial or get your nails done at a salon.  Just as an experiment to see how you feel.  Could be kinda fun:)

P.S. Congrats on the weight loss-that’s amazing!

Post # 14
335 posts
Helper bee

hey! don’t you dare get down on yourself!! losing 120 lbs is a MAJOR achievment. that alone says what a strong woman you are!

it doesn’t matter what you look like because you’re obviously a beautiful person inside, but that’s a lot easier said than done. the fact of the matter is that it’s tough dealing with self esteem, but no matter what, you are certainly not ugly or undesirable. i have never seen an ugly girl. honestly. they don’t exist! you just gotta stop judging yourself by the standards that magazines and tv give you, because those standards are crap. curviness is honestly the most feminine thing you can have, and i bet you have curves. just, above everything, be comfortable with who you are. confidence looks gorgeous on you. often, a smile is the prettiest thing you could wear. πŸ™‚

reading about your hobbies, i can’t help but think we would very much get along in real life. i love painting and baking! (but not at the same time, lol.) also, i have never had a manicure, constantly bite my nails, and do nothing to my hair except to wash it…occassionally. so don’t worry! you don’t need to do all those traditionallly “girly” things to be beautiful. just remind yourself: you are a strong, beautiful woman. really, you are!

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