Post # 1
i’ve been with my Fiance for 2 years, he is a great guy; loving, supportive, goal-driven, takes care of himself- basically perfect.. EXCEPT for the one thing that we fight about quite often.. which stems from me not wanting sex often enough. I really enjoy sex when its already happening, and I am able to have multiple orgasms, but I NEVER initiate (which of is course pretty depressing for him) and he really has to reel me in to try and make it happen. Its not like I’m too busy to have sex. I feel like if I didn’t have my guy around I would just never have sex.. and that would be okay with me. But why?! What is wrong with me!?!?! How can I make myself a more sexual being?
Also, how can I get him to understand what I’m going through? He attributes my lack of interest to my “negative attitude” and “awkwardness about sex”. I’m no prude- we have had lots of crazy wild sex… I just need help understanding why I have such a lack of interest in sex at the perfectly ripe age of 23!!!!
Post # 3
@LivyLovesPonies: You on the pill? Have you always been this way? Has something changed? All things you should probably discuss w. your doctor.
Post # 4
Are you on an oral contraceptive?
Post # 5
Have you always been this way? The pill seems to be a 50/50 thing for most women. I had 0 sex drive before going on the pill, and now my SO calls me a nympho.
If it’s always been like this, maybe have a chat with your doctor? It could seriously be something as simple as a hormonal or mineral (vitamin?) imbalance that would be a super easy fix.
However, it could be that you’re just not a “sex fan”, as strange as it sounds.
Post # 6
There is nothing wrong with you. People have different sex drives, and that’s it. I’ve known some guys and gals who would be up to a romp under the sheets everyday, and others who prefer every month or so. We’re all just wired differently.
Now, with that said, I think it is so important for two people to be sexually compatible. This means they generally like the same things, but they also have a similar sex drive. I’m not saying it must be exact, as that can be a rare find. You just can’t put those ‘a couple times a year’ people with those ‘everyday’ people. Eventually it will poison the relationship because one partner is often left unwanted, and the other is left feeling pressured and guilty.
You and your Fiance need to figure out where sex ranks and if it’s worth being a bit mismatched as far as drive goes. There is also more to a sex life than just intercourse. There’s oral, manual stimulation, masturbation, etc., so don’t limit yourself to just certain activities, because there are so many that can leave your partner satisfied even if you’re not up for it.
Also, have you talked to a doctor about it? There could be an underlying issue, so that may be something to explore.
Post # 7
I second talking to your doctor. It could be a medication or something else.
Thouh I was like that in my 20’s as well. I loved it once it was happening, but it took a lot of convincing for me to allow it to get started. When I did initiate it, it was because I knew he was annoyed about not having it, or it was his birthday or something. I found that I had to consciously think about it before I wanted it. It’s not a completely out of the norm thing, but definitely speak with your doctor first.
Post # 8
I am a like this to some extent and I have learned I have to “force” myself to initiate or say yes when I dont really want to because I know once it gets going Ill enjoy it. It still isnt enough for my Darling Husband but we have learned a balance.
I also will read a really sexy book on my kindle to get myself going before I initiate sometimes.
Sometimes jsut doing it more makes you want to do it more. And as long as you enjoy it while you are doing it, I would go ahead and “force” yourself for the sake of your relationship. It can have a very negative effect on relationships when the sex is very mismatched.
Its not that you need to do it all the time, but make a goal for yourself. 3 times a month you initiate. Its a compromise.
Post # 9
Yes, I’m on OrthoTriCyclen.. previously Orthocept… I haven’t noticed any changes switching BC.. I actually have tried speaking with doctors about it.. they just brush it off. So frustrating!! Lately my fiance is acting like he’s my life coach or something telling me to say that I’m sexy.. and look at porn.. and have sex on the mind more.. It pisses me off so much. I feel pressured to become a more sexual person. And that in itself is NOT sexy!
Post # 10
@LivyLovesPonies: Don’t let your docs brush it off. Especially if it’s something that bothers you. As PPs say, you may just be wired differently, but it’s really something a doc should talk to you about.
Post # 11
@canarydiamond: Yes, I’m on OrthoTriCyclen.. previously Orthocept… I haven’t noticed any changes switching BC.. I actually have tried speaking with doctors about it.. they just brush it off. So frustrating!! Lately my fiance is acting like he’s my life coach or something telling me to say that I’m sexy.. and look at porn.. and have sex on the mind more.. It pisses me off so much. I feel pressured to become a more sexual person. And that in itself is NOT sexy!
Post # 12
@LivyLovesPonies: Were you like this before BC? I’ve noticed that w. my latest brand I’m not craving sex as often.
Hmmm sucks about the doctors brushing it off. Maybe they think you’re too young to have these types of issues… how annoying!!
I agree your SO is being annoying as well. He probably means well, though.
I really am not sure what to suggest here 🙁
Post # 13
@LivyLovesPonies: When I was on the pill I didn’t have much of a sex drive. Coming off of it, I initiated like 95% of the time lol. Also, make a plan to seduce him. It might make you feel sexier once you actually do it and enjoy it. Women are wired differently than men…they have to be turned on by actually doing it as opposed to just thinking about it sometimes. So plan out a time to get aroused and watch porn or something and go seduce your guy and see how it goes.
Post # 14
I would re-consider the pill as one thing to investigate. I was on the pill from age 16 (for painful periods) to 27, and felt “normal” the whole time….thinking that “normal for me” meant low/non-existant sex drive (basically exactly as you describe).
Then, a long term relationship ended so I went off as I had no need for contraception at the time and wanted to make sure all the plumbing still worked. I was off for a total of about 2 years, from that time until I met and first had sex with now-hubby.
That break off the pill was a TOTAL eye-opener. My sex drive was so much higher, it was a very noticable difference.
Then when I went back on the pill, it nose-dived again. Keep in mind, I tried numerous different pills over these years, from low-dose to medium etc. Not one gave any improvement.
Post # 15
I’m 23 and I also have no interest in sex. It’s the biggest issue between my Fiance and me. We end up doing it every few months. I’m not on the pill or anything… I guess it just is what it is.
Post # 16
I’m the same way, but I have been on the pill for 7 years. I just came off maybe 2 weeks ago, but I still feel the same way. It’s definitely not a good feeling. :-