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My ex, who is now one of my closest friends, is getting married on this Saturday. I was the first person to buy something off of any of their registries (they have 4) on last week.
I never really paid that close of attention to registries until now that I am getting married. It's really starting to irritate me when I hear people say that they'll just get what they want you to have and that registries are confusing. I am thinking, "I didn't spend all of that time in the store to just get any old gift." I think that people should respect registries way more than they do and get you what you need for your place....the Bride and Groom ARE the ones that need to live in their home and know how they want it decorated.
I hope that people get the gifts that we have picked out...it makes life alot easier for everyone.
I agree. Personal and/or thoughtful gifts are one thing, and perfectly acceptable in my opinion. But "I know better" gifts - think, "oh, they didn't know enough to register for THIS, they'll thank me later" are just plain misguided and disrespectful.
I only had 1 person go off registry for me. Is it possible that they are updating things on the registry so it doesn't look empty? Also, a lot of people wait until it's almost time for the wedding to purchase gifts.
I totally agree, lilyfaith.
No, MissAB, I have been going back looking at the registry since I got the invite. There are the same things on there from the beginning. A few more people haev bought gifts finally, but it's not even half and the wedding is Saturday. One of my friends, who is also one of my BMs, made the comment about registries and how confusing they are and that she just likes to buy stuff. I made a point that I want things off of my registry to her.
Hear, hear! I've heard other people say that they purposely don't look at the registry, and although I forget the reason they usually give, I remember never really understanding it. I'm really hoping that any gifts that aren't on the registry come with a gift receipt! Not to be rude, it's just that when a gift isn't on the registry it's because I either don't need it or don't want it. If that's the case, I want to be able to return it! Of course, if I'm pleasantly surprised, that works, too. :)
ETA: I meant reasons other than feeling that registries are confusing.
I'm with hope1275 - FI and I registered for the things we want and need so unless its a personal, thought-out gift, I want to be able to return the random things we didn't register for!
I think there could be lots of reasons someone doesn't go by the registry. Maybe they can't really afford the stuff. (and while couple might put cheaper items on the registry, some guest might be embarrassed to have you know they only spent $20. So they might find it easier to find a great deal of something on sale. Ppl with limited budgets can be the best bargain hunters.) Or perhaps they already have something special planned. Or maybe having been around the block do know of something you'll find useful.
But if people are disregarding the registry because they feel like you're items "suck", that's just wrong. Personally, I hate putting brain power into looking for a gift. I'm glad to just pick out something, the couple's already selected. Registries were made for ppl like me.
As a guest,I feel no obligation to use the registry. A registry is supposed to be a WISH list,not a mandated gift list. A GIFT is something I choose to give someone and it should be of my choosing. A registry is supposed to make it easier for guests to buy something the couple will like or make suggestions about their taste, but nowhere is it stated that its disrespectful to shop elsewhere for someone. Who made that rule?
Exactly, hope.....I really don't understand their excuses either. They make absolutely no sense..you may have good taste, but you're not my interior decorator. I can do that on my own, thanks! :P I was thinking the same thing about them including the receipts, so that we can return them if needed.
I think any gift given is a very nice gesture. Not everyone wants to stand around a target printing off forms and touching the dirty touch screen before they go shopping.. Saying that you didn't spend your time all day in a store picking out gifts for nothing is like a kid complaining that writing his list to Santa Claus was too cumbersome.
The whole registry thing is proving really frustrating! One of my good friends just told me that it's really "boring" to buy me what I have on my registry, and she's just picking out other things because she has "taste". It's hopelessly aggrevating because Mr. Seashell and I put a lot of time and effort into creating a registry complete with things we genuinely need and will appreciate. Dare I say MY wedding registry is about ME? Ugh.
I had a BUNCH of people go off our registry. I got bath products, wine holders and votives from Country Living, purple swirly bowls, and all kinds of weird stuff. I did get some goodies though, like a crystal bowl from a friend of mine, a GREAT margarita set from my MIL, some spatulas and a great cookbook from someone else. What I couldn't return I threw away. Sorry, it's not my taste, I don't need it, thanks try again. But if you don't know me at ALL (the people who got me the weird stuff i've never met), please use the registry or just go with cash. Oh my favorite gift is a cake stand a good friend said she just HAD to get me. I love it so much it's the centerpiece in my kitchen.
The ONLY time i go off the registry is when I know the person well enough to do so. Like i bought one of my good friends pink crystal riedel wine glasses instead of regular ones (in addition to a registry item). I bought another friend a personalized ring bowl (and something off her registry). But I don't get why, if you're going to spend $40, you don't just get them something they NEED or write a check.
Oh i also got some 1980's "fruit" corningware, and the cheap version of the crockpot I registered for. THAT was frustrating--there was a reason I wanted the $80 one, not the $15 one, you know?!!??!
I always buy from the registry and I check them immediately when I get the invite to plan what I want to buy... like a dish and glassware set. I can't handle buying w/o a theme. :) But yeah, if a couple or mom-to-be built a registry, then clearly it is items they want/need and will love. So, I don't get why people go off it so much. I've only gone off it for friends... b/c I knew one wanted a white Coach wristlet and I got another a keepsake from Things Remembered.
Just before a shower or w/e... I may check again. I've never seen a registry go w/o more than 1/4 items purchased.
People claimed they didn't even know there was a registry or know what one was... meanwhile its right on the invite. All you have to do is go online and type in their name. :) lol...IDK, but I do know that I won't be wasting too much time on making my registry.
I never said that all gifts aren't thoughtful and appreciated. I am specifically talking about the people that say weird things about why they don't want to get what's on the list. As someone stated before well thought out and needed gifts are welcomed, but comments about them having better tperfect gift picking taste or just completely ignoring the fact that we registered is what I am referring to.
Just an added thought... I wonder if it's a generational gap thing? Perhaps the older generation doesn't take into consideration how many couples are established before getting married in current time and may well have what are considered essentials? For instance, we will barely need any cook/bakeware or appliances... if a guest decided to buy us a stand mixer, we would be in a hard spot if they didn't include the receipt, because we love ours and have had it for years. But once upon a time, I'm sure it was much more common to be fully stocking up the bride and groom whereas now it's more filling in the gaps.
Haha! This is so funny! I actually JUST bought a shower gift yesterday! I had to FORCE myself to pick something from the registry. I didn't like anything from her list! We have VERY different tastes so for me buying something I didn't like was hard, but I know she personally picked it out so she'll love it. But that does make me think, maybe people just have a hard time buying things they don't like? I can't really explain it either, I know she wants it, she put it on a list, but I still feel like I'm going to arrive at this shower and all I have to show for it is a freakin teapot!
I once went shopping with someone at the store where the couple was registered. We printed out all the registry information. The person wanted to buy them a different set of plates b.c she didn't like the plates they selected. I was able to talk her out of it, but I thought that was weird.
@Prncss- I believe in buying on the registry, but I do have a pet peeve about them as someone who is computer savvy... I can imagine this irritates older people who don't really use the internet very much. That is, differing stores offer different customer service when it comes to finding a registry. At Target for example, if you don't know what you've come in there to buy already (printout at home)- you could set yourself on fire before you got any help. I went recently on a day when the customer service line was a mile long. No thanks. In that situation, it would be very tempting to buy a small appliance and take my chances if I were already in the store. People just don't have time to lollygag around waiting for help.
Another reason people buy off the registry is that they end up at a store where the price point doesn't make sense on the majority of items. My Mom bought our B&G a set of glasses for their shower in addition to a setting of their China. She bought the glasses off the registry because, in her opinion, the original set was too inexpensive to stand alone as a gift. I find customer service at BB&B to be good, but again, the other day when we were setting up my daughter's registry, I pulled up my son's and it looks completely different in their printouts than it does online. I thought my FDIL had tweaked it, but she had not. (I stalk it almost every day so I know what it's supposed to look like). The in store copy did not show all the already purchased items... which is important if you are cross shopping. Maybe that was a choice the consultant made in the printout- I don't know.
I sat across the table from an older couple at Macy's who were searching for a relative's registry. They wanted to drop some big money on her, but alas, she was not registered there. They did not want to drive the extra miles to BB&B (they were in their late 80's), so I suggested that they ask the saleslady to check BB&B online. She did, and they bought something from her registry at Macy's- which of course will not show up on her other registry as purchased.
Another thing I see is folks suggesting that people shop online for items which are not in the store... registrywise. Well, that is fine if you are computer savvy and think ahead. Most people don't buy their gift until right before the event, so having too much "available online only" stuff will lessen the chance of receiving the item. If a person gets to the store and finds out that the registry is full of that kind of stuff (after wrestling down some help), they will buy something off the registry and say, "Oh, well".
June, maybe you can spice up the gift with some touches of your own. I got my Choir Director from church a teapot for Christmas one year. I put herbal teas and Ricola inside of it and she really liked it.
PrncessDVA- I'm actually doing that! I bought a bunch of organic teas to put in there~ I still think its an ugly teapot though 
FMILady, I totally understand that for older people, but my friend that made the comment is a few years yonger than me. Coming from her mouth, it sounds more lazy and like a cop-out.
Tanya, I never thought about the fact that people might b concerned about what they spend on a gift for you. I bought a gift for less than $30 for my ex and I am not concerned about the price at all. I bought a gift that's on the registry, so it's something that they wanted. Plus, I don't think that people will be going back to their registries to check and see how much someone spent on a gift, ast least I won't. I'll just be happy that I got something that I can actually use.
Oh ok, June...great minds. And too bad about the teapot being ugly. At least they'll use it :)
@smyley - No one said it was a rule that you have to buy something off a registry; Many people just see it as more respectful of the bride and groom if you do. Yes, it a WISH list, but when you're just starting out and don't own a lot of things, those wishes are much more NEEDS. And when outfitting a kitchen for the first time, many couples (I know we did) would like their small appliances to match and things like that. Plus - you don't know the taste and decorating style of the couple. Unless it is a personalized gift (which is fine and greatly appreciated if you know the couple well enough to do so), ignoring the registry is kind of a slap in the face to the B&G, saying I know what you need, want and like better than you do yourself.
FutureKMM, that's how I feel about it. FI and I don't live together and will be decorating our entire place from floor up. The things on our lists are what we want to start our lives together and ar ein the styles, colors, and functionality that we like.
No problem with buying off-registry, as long as you include a gift receipt with your gift ;)
i got a ton of gift receipts (thankfully--i think it's strange when people don't include them. then i wonder where they got it!) but it was SUCH a pain to return such large and numerous items to BB&B, when i wasn't registered there in the first place, then have store credit and have to cross reference with what was on my lists elsewhere to check off.
THe one thing i DID hear is that Macy's is typically more expensive than other places for the SAME item. So people go "why spend $$$ here when I can spend $$ here for the same thing?" but if you ask Macys to price match, they will =]
I personally hate registries. I'm thinking of not doing one just to see what people get. Because honestly; most are older and wiser. They do know what I need better than I do. And so many people already live together now adays that they don't really need all the necessities anymore. For those couples who I know are just starting out and need essential things I will buy something on the registries. But for most others I try and put a little thought and effort into my gifts. If that makes me rude or is a slap in the face to the B&G then I guess I'm sorry. I think something that took longer than 5 minutes to pick off a piece of paper should represent more than disrespect. It actually takes time to put thought into a good gift.
If I DO know the couple well (and those are really the only showers/weddings I attend anyway) I also know what they have or don't have and actually speak to someone (like a Mother or FI) before I buy something. I'm not randomly making purchases based on what I like. How silly would that be to do?
I spend more than a few hundred dollars on shower gifts for those I care about and if looking at a registry filled with everything priced over $500. or under $30., I may do a joint gift with one of my sisters on a more expensive item or buy several things in the cheaper range. I just think registries have their place and use for some things, but can also be used as a guide for purchases one wants to make. Why should I buy white towels at BB&B for $12. each when I can get the same ones for $5. at HomeGoods? This way,I'll buy more! I feel better about giving a more involved/complete gift and have fun doing it,and the couple gets more than they wanted.
Thoughtful gifts, as stated before, are welcomed most definitely!
We spent some time making our registry, so I do hope people look at it. But I have seen registries where I would be uncomfortable purchasing items on the registry. They have cheap or low quality items that I know will fall apart in a few short years, or they have several "As Seen on TV" products that I can't imagine would get much use. Obviously, the couple thinks that they will use them, and they like them, but I would have a hard time shelling out $50 - $100 for something that I know won't last. I usually just find something else to purchase, or write a check in that case, but perhaps that's why some older folks go off registry. They know you need a set of knives, but they also know the ones you want will need to be replaced in a few years, so they get you a set that will last. As for the folks that just get wierd items, who knows their reasoning?
I have to respectfully disagree. I enjoy going off the registry for thoughtful things. I know you say that's excluded, but I'm sure that most people think that they're giving something personally when they go off of the registry. I also think that sometimes, there aren't affordable things on the registry. I'm reluctant to get a gift card b/c I don't feel like that's as thoughtful.
Some of the best gifts that I received for my shower and wedding were not on my registry. I definitely understand that sometimes, their taste isn't your taste, but I usually include a gift receipt in case the bride and groom aren't fans of what I purchased. I do think though that a gift doesn't necessarily have to be given, and anything you receive should be appreciated whether it's on your registry or not.
I usually try to stick with the registry though I think it feels really impersonal. The times I've gone off were more personal gifts and when the majority of their items are somehow out of stock. I don't know if it's because we live in a bit of a smaller town but sometimes the choices when I go it's like oh we're out of that, we're out of that, so I either see if I can just order it online or just get something else.
i never buy off the registry - i gift CASH. i have never had a complaint LOL
I think the registry is a guide for your guest and you should be so hard on them because its the thought that counts. I have seen numerous registries yet I like to get them something more personal from myself. I usually buy the same for every wedding (no, its not a fruitcake). I get a set of toasting flutes from Tiffany and Co. and I think its a great gift.
We live in a different state than most of our guests, so when we registered, we tried to pick things they could find in-store. However, since store buyers vary from state-to-state, the easiest thing to do was register almost totally online.
That way, if they couldn't find it in their local store, they could at least purchase it online (rather than registering in our local store and having people in another location not be able to find it in their store OR online -- this has happened to me and it's so annoying!).
However, since most of our guests will be traveling, I think we'll end up with a lot of gift cards anyway, which is fine. Gifts are always optional.
Whew! I can't believe what I'm reading! I'm with DemoDreamer, I too hate registries. Have I purchased from them? Yes, but I do feel like it's a thoughtless gift. So if I go off registry, excuse me for being "disrespectful" and "slapping you in the face." I thought giving a gift that I put effort into would be appreciated whether you like it or not. I am not, as a guest, required to get anything and much less am I required to get you what you put on your registry. And if it doesn't fit your taste, it doesn't mean that is it a thoughtless gift, we simply have different thoughts. But to say that someone is disrespectful because they didn't get you precisely what you want and asked for is a bit bratty IMO.
We've luckily gotten a lot of gifts off our registry. The only gift we've gotten so far off our registry is from my MOH. She def likes to think she can find something more personal. Which may I say was not. It was a green platter. Whatever but its funny.
I think there are a few schools of registry thought. We registered for nice basics (sheets, towels, bathroom accessories, a few appliances) and think this is what a registry is for: helping a couple start a new life together. We really want everything we registered for and we were careful not to add anything superfluous or too expensive/extravagant.
Some people view registries as a dream list where you put all sorts of things you'd probably never buy for yourself. We had some friends register for all kinds of cool stuff that we wouldn't have thought to register for.
A very close friend of mine recently commented that registries were for "people without any creativity".
Some of my friends from Europe think the registry is the strangest thing they've ever heard of and only give cash.
So, there are lots of ideas out there... I would never stray from the registry b/c of how I think about it, but my good friends will never even look at registry because of their ideas.
It's so interesting how strongly people differ in their feelings about the registry!
I always give cash (registry items for the shower), and wish that were more the norm in the US. I think that is what couples starting out really need/want, but it is bad ettiquette to ask for it, so they register for panini makers and bread warmers or other stuff that ends up sitting in their basement for years.
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