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I think you just gotta let them know and not feel guilty about it. Think of it as they are the rude ones in this situation...so as awkward as it feels, they've brought this on themselves. You can use the venue as an excuse...though I'd be tempted to just flat out call them on being obnoxious:) No, actually probably not...I'd find a polite way to let them know.
But seriously, if your RSVPs were that specific, that is way above and beyond obnoxious. They know what's going on...or they live so far outside the realm of proper etiquette that maybe it won't be awkward for them at all to have you call them.
FYI, I'm super indignant on your behalf! And dreading when our RSVPs go out. We already put info about childcare on our website, but we'll see what happens. I've already had one person force their kid's name into our address registration site...and it seriously took some manipulation to do that b/c we purposefully made it hard.
I would call them and explain to them what you just explained to us. Ephasize that while you would love for their kids to be able to join it is not feasible due to the venue (both size and site "rules/quality").
Lastly be prepared for some to change their RSVP to no. It would be a nice gesture for your guest to offer an offsite babysitter if budget allows. Good Luck!
I think you're right, I've just gotta bite the bullet and let them know. I'm holding my breath too because we've still got a couple days til our RSVP deadline and a couple other families with kids have yet to RSVP so I'm hoping I don't encounter the same thing again. (But if I do I guess I'll already have a response prepared haha)
I really don't understand the confusion of it or why people are so rude about it (especially in your case). You think people would ask around within the family to get an idea if kids are invites or not.
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I don't understand this either. It happened to two of my cousins. I know it will happen to us, and I'm already nervous! Good luck!
I hate when people do this as well. I am really hoping it doesn't happen to us, although I am pretty sure it will.
Yesterday was a little awkward for my FH and I. The invitation (and save-the-date) was to the couple, with no mention of the kid. RSVP came back as a yes for one half of the couple and a kid. I don't know if they thought since both couldn't attend, the child, (who is three or four) could come? Fiance called his mom to let her know she had to call her sister and tell her (nicely) the kid couldn't come. She wasn't happy about the task, and I feel bad, but I can't allow one aunt to bring her kid, and not allow the others to as well. FMIL has known from the beginning stages of planning that the ONLY two kids present were to be the flower girl and ring bearer, (whom I have known since the were born).
Not trying to kidnap your thread, but venting a little, and I can DEFINITELY sympathize!!!! WHY do they do that? At the very least, they should call or write or something to ASK before they just include someone of any age not on the invite.
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Gosh I am worried about this as well! There are so many kids in my family, and especially babies. It seems as though LeiAnn did what everyone suggests to do, but if her guest didn't get it, then one must be even more specific like: "This is an Adult Affair" or something to that extent. I know that people in my family will be annoyed and may not even come, but when you gotta keep costs down, you've gotta keep costs down. Another option is to offer a babysitter, but I can't be bothered, there are enough things to worry about in planning a wedding! If anyone has another way of expressing this is a more direct way please post! 
Thx!
Hey everyone, I just wanted to post a followup. I contacted the mother and tried let her know kids are not invited in the nicest way possible and she seemed totally fine with it and said she'd try to find a sitter (phew!). I guess she really just didn't get it - although I still think I made it totally obvious.
Now, we've still got 1 couple that has a kid that hasn't RSVP'd and it's 4 days after our RSVP date. Ugh. They are in a bit of a feud with my FI's aunt and uncle (her parents) and we think they're planning on not responding, but may show up anyway so my FI's aunt and uncle are caught off guard. Since it's my FI side of the family I'll let him deal with that one haha.
@MissApricot - I totally feel for you on that one! I too don't get why people don't just ask (me, my FI, one of our parents) instead of just assuming it's ok. Luckily we only had one "substitution" and while it was the couples kid coming in place of her dad she's an adult so we just let that one go.
Best of luck to those of you who still have your RSVP's to do! I think no matter how you try to word it you'll probably still get one or two who ignore the rules or at the very least fail to reply. Just be prepared and as fizicsGirl said try not to feel guilty about it.
Since I'm an encore I have a story from before ~ my first wedding was VERY formal - late evening, etc - we went the route of not including kids. Some people were completely unaware of etiquiette in general. There ended up being a few cousins that showed up with 4 or 5 kids total - even after family members had told them NO KIDS. I was really ticked that they were such idiots, but I didn't let it ruin my day. People just have NO CLUE - I had friends I invited (as single) RSVP for their entire family !?! and put 6 people on the response! Seriously?...
I feel your pain. Do what you can to prevent it and after that, just let it go. Best of luck...
You would think most people would understand that who the invitation is addressed to determines who is actually invited.
I have tasked my mother with spreading the word about no kids. There are so many children in my family that if we opened it up to everyone, there would be over 50 kids at the wedding! Most people are usually okay with and can understand. If they get mad at you, don't take it personal. Afterall, it is your wedding, not theirs.
I've had a few "substitutions" as in "if my husband stays home can my 18 year old daughter come?" i don't care if an 18 year old comes in addition...but not like, a child. No kids. She was so nice aobut it i let her bring her kid but told her to keep it on the D.L.
Some people are just completely clueless! It all just seems so obvouis to us though. You just have to call, clarify, and just be like "oh it's only so big" bah blah blah and as long as they realize everyone else is in the same boat (pull the "oh i hate to call my guetss about this" so it's not JUST her) they're more ok with it.
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I am planning to put on the response cards:
Bob Smith (please circle one) # of attendees 1 2
I really don't care at this point if it looks rude, but I think it's rude to put down that there are going to be 4 people attending when the bride and groom are paying sometimes as much as $150 a head and have clearly labeled it, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Smith. I realize that there are those people who may not have their parents or others who can watch their kids, but if it is that much of an inconvenience, then don't go to the wedding. I always hated going to weddings where there were a million little kids running around like crazy.
ugh! i feel you!
my wedding is next week and i've been told that not only are kids coming, but they're bringing their boyfriends as well (they're in their late teens).
and my favorite is that my future brother in law is bringing their 2 week year old baby. hopefully it'll sleep the whole time!
I kind of have a related question so i thought i'd just tack it on to this, hope you guys don't mind. my FI brother is the BM, his wife isn't in the bridal party, (it's very small wedding party, it''s only my sisters and his brothers). Anyway, they have 3 boys all under age 7. the older 2 are my ring bearers. the baby is not invited. he's about 2 will be 3 by the time of my wedding. i also invited her parents since my FI is close. The BM's family live in Mass and the wedding is in NJ. Is it wrong not to invite the baby since the whole family will be attending as well as their parents? I am not sure what to do.
Sorry if the above was so confusing.
I think you'd have to invite the 3 year old. You're not leaving them with any options and the other siblings are already invited! Especially with being far enough away from home (too far for a sitter IMO), I think you'll have to invite the youngest.
Br1tSh1n1ngStar,
We have a situation similar to yours. We are hiring two baby sitters that will be on site but in a different room from the reception for kids under 3 years old. I think that way, everyone wins.
LeiAnn,
I think you are getting married today. Best of luck and let us know how did your last issue got resolved.
agreed Mighty.
if you're including some of the children in one family unit, you need to invite them all.
Thanks MightySapphire, I was leaning in that direction, I don't know why this thought process didn't occur to me before, I guess I don't mind having one more child attend, he will be my nephew then anyway hehe and I am excited for that!!!
I have only had this happen once, but am predicting it a few more times before the end of the RSVPs.
I created a form email saying we were glad they could make it, butwe were sorry that the size of our venue didn't allow us to invite children.
It worked like a charm the first time...so I'm hoping <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">if we need to use it again, things will go smoothly!
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Ugh. I hate it when I hear about people doing this -- you'd think that with the way you worded your RSVPs, it would have been obvious that their kids weren't invited. They're probably just trying to test you, so definitely phone them up right away and let them know! "Hi, Sue! I just got your RSVP, and I'm thrilled that you and Bob can make it to come and celebrate my marriage with me and FI, but I noticed that you RSVP-ed for four. Unfortunately, little Timmy and Kelly can't come, because of our reception site restrictions in terms of the size of our guest list; and while I would love to have them there, our ceremony site frowns on children because it's a historical site."
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I am having the same problem and I have found the best response thus far to people wanting to bring uninvited guests (be it children, boyfriends, even just friends) is that the space is limited, so there's just not room for their guest. I haven't even sent out invites yet, just save the dates, and I'm already having this problem. Not only with my intended guests, but with inlaws and my FH. Ugh.
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This won't help those who have already sent out their invites, but maybe is a good tip for the rest of us. On your invitation/ RSVP card/ invitation insert, have the following (or some variation thereof) printed:
"Although we love children, our reception is adults only".
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This is more of a vent than anything else, but why do people not understand that we don't want kids at our wedding? I know some people do not know all the etiquette rules, but I tried to make it as clear as possible. We sent out save the dates with only the parents names, invites with only the parents names, and I even went so far as to personally put each guests name on the RSVP cards. By this I mean something like
Bob Smith __ will attend __ will not attend
Sue Smith __ will attend __ will not attend
And yet Bob and Sue Smith RSVP'd for 4! So now I'm in the awkward position of having to let them know that their 2 kids are not invited. I really don't want to upset anyone but our venue can only hold 100 people and we both have large families (so much so that my FI and I only got to invite a couple friends each) so we had to draw the line somewhere. Also, the place where we're getting married and having the ceremony is a historic site and they are very picky about keeping the place in pristine condition and we will have lots of glass vases and such set up that I would worry about if kids were there. Also, this couple lives in the same city and their kids are around 4 and 6 years old so it's not an issue of travel or leaving a newborn with a sitter. How should I politely let them know their kids aren't invited?