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i mean this in all seriousness--why don't people want kids at the wedding?
Here is a few of my reasons
I have a whooole host of reasons but let me give you the specific examples of times this past Saturday at my brother's wedding that reaffirmed my belief that a wedding is NO place for a child:
1) During the ceremony there was a kid fussing/crying and the parent did not take the kid out
2) During dinner another child was banging his butter knife against the table and his glasses, making a lot of noise and disturbing the tables around him
3) After dinner a child pulled on a table cloth and shattered at least one glass (that my brother will now have to pay for)
4) throughout the night there were kids RUNNING around getting in everyone's way
5) during the garter removal and toss there was a child running circles around the bride/groom.
It's just a personal preference thing, and I can think of two main reasons:
1. Kids' behavior is a crap shoot. The really little ones can act up, start crying, etc. Of all the weddings I've done this year, about half of the ceremonies were interrupted by crying children, and some brides and groom's just don't want to take the risk.
2. Cost. Some couples have TONS of kids of their families, and a lot of vendors still charge an arm and a leg for kid's meals. They might not be able to afford it, and if they remove all the kids from their guest list, it usually equals about to hundred of dollars in savings.
When it comes to kids, I don't care what the couple decides. It's up to them, and I see no problem with parents getting a sitter (or declining the invitation if they can't get one), or kid's attending.
I think the reasons Mishelleez gave are the pretty standard ones for not inviting kids. And some people just don't like kids.
I was adamant about inviting kids, but we had a relaxed, daytime wedding and I LOVE kids. I made goodie bags for them and had fun with them. We only had two who are typically not well behaved, but they didn't have any "incidents" and I don't even really remember them being there.
I understand it especially for a formal wedding. And with kids, the guest count can rise pretty quick. We were extremely casual though so we wanted kids to be there.
I agree with all the reasons Mishelleez stated as well as...
-I don't want a baby crying to interrupt the ceremony (it will be outside, there's not any where to really take the baby).
-We're just personally not big fans of children...that's just a us personally thing.
-It's really just one set of siblings (Fi's cousins of one of his aunts) that are just awful - bad manners, wild, rude, very loud.
-If we invited children, we'd have to invite all children which would have added 30 people to our guest list...that's a lot.
-We're trying to have a elegant, adult, nice reception and in our opinions that's difficult with children with bed times around the time the reception starts :)
It's just a personal thing :)
There have been TONS of threads about this, you can search and see all the different things people have said.
Basically there are pros and cons for having kids at a wedding and for some people the cons outweigh the pros.
Most of the cons revolve around issues with children who don't behave well or who have parents that don't watch them and keep them in line (i.e. talking or acting out during the ceremon). Also, some people feel that their guests can't have as much fun as a guest if they have to keep an eye on their kids. And some weddings are more formal events or take place in locations that may not be suitable for children.
*I personally, think the pros outweigh the cons, but I've been to both types of weddings and understand a couple choosing either option.
Here are my reasons:
I dont want any kids running out while we are dancing our 1st dance
I dont want them running around my venue
I dont want them putting their little fingers in the chocolate foundation (thank goodness we have someone that will be there all night next to is)
I don't want them to be unsupervised i.e. parent gets out to get a drink or food and leaves child there next thing you know child is on the dance floor falls and gets step on and that leaves a crying hurt child. I do not want any one to get hurt especially a child.
I have to agree with above all posters.
The cost
The nooise
The annoyance
Dont get me wrong, I like kids. Part of me is even (just a tiny) bit sad i didnt have a flower girl etc. But little cousin Helleion i didnt want invited over say....roomate from University that i dont get to see very ofte,
My wedding was small and casual, not formal. I only had 94 people, that includes the head table and my husband etc. I just wanted parents to have a night out, have a few drianks, dance and not run around watching their kids or making sure they were okay.
I am not crazy about children. They're cute and all, but when I get dressed up and go out for a nice dinner I don't want a 2 yr old at the table next to me so why would I want one at my wedding? Also, most parents have become immune to their children making noise/running around out of necessity and don't see anything wrong with behavior I find unacceptable at a formal event.
I'm not inviting kids to my wedding, mostly because there are NO children in my family right now. If I allowed kids it would just be the kids of some of my parents friends, and our guest list is already full. Plus, there are no special 'kids meals' at my venue.
Beyond that, I'm just one of those people that isn't a huge kid fan. Yeah, they can be adorable, but i'm planning a formal, evening wedding and I'd really just rather it be an adults-only affair.
I think the biggest reason why people don't want kids there is that their behavior can be unpredictable. But I think another important reason why brides don't want kids at their wedding is because they also want their parent-friends to enjoy the party and have a chance to be social without having to chase down and take care of their kids.
When I got married, I didn't have many friends with kids yet, so I figure I'd welcome them at my reception. But all my parent-friends actually wanted to attend my wedding without their kids!
(1) The behavior thing, since you can't pick and choose the kids that would be invited, we didn't invite any.
(2) Also, the space thing. Our venue holds 40 people. That's it. And there are too many adults that we love that we'd have to leave out if we invited children, the kids in our family would take up 75% of that amount.
For me, it was about making a super enjoyable, semi-formal, fun adult event. Married couples, ditch the kids with a sitter, and come party, dance & drink. Like a date night. you know, parents, Enjoy your evening, don't spend it having to babysit your kids. I wanted it to be a fun adult party. Most of our friends don't have kids, none of our immediate relatives are kids (my youngest cousin is 23). That was the enviroment I wanted to create for the recption.
There were some cost implications - every person was $40 a head... child or not. Plus a 5 dollar chair cover for each of them.
I was also worried about screaming during the ceremony.
Those were my main issues.
My reasons are:
Cost
Behavior and potential for damage (of property and self). I will have my $1200 camera in our photobooth. Our centerpieces are 100% glass and fire. There are several levels in the venue that an unattended child can fall from and hurt themselves. Tragedy on my wedding day is a no-go.
Timing. My wedding will run until late in the night and some kids get really...annoying...when it gets to be late at night and they're tired.
Free flowing alcohol everywhere.
I mean are the parents who are bring this kid/baby going to give a larger gift because they now get to bring the baby?
I have a huge extended family. If I invite one cousin with their kids, I have to invite all of them and that adds about 50 people to my wedding guest list. Also, I think a lot of people have more fun when they don't have to worry about taking care of their kids.
Whatever people decide to do is fine. The thing that drives me most crazy is when kids are not invited and people still feel the need to ask if they can come, or threaten that they won't come if their kids aren't invited. I think it's extremely rude.
I might get flamed for saying this but in my experience... I feel like one of the main reasons people get upset about NOT bringing kids is because it takes attention off them. Like they want to use the wedding to dress up their child like a little doll and omg-so-cute-in-a-suit or whatever to show the kid off. So then they get mad if they can't do that and they're "just a guest" or whatever. Obviously, this annoys me.
I'm childfree and feel no connection to kids, so that's a huge reason for me.
Another is that my fiancées brother has a special needs child who has caused a HUGE FUSS every time I've seen him (he's around 4, I think?), and I just don't want the stress of having him come and freak out during the ceremony or reception.
The last one is that I want an adult party. Leave the kids somewhere where they'll be happy and can sleep when they want to - let the adults come party!
I didn't include kids for several reasons. First of all, I have a really large family. If I had included the kids I am related to, I would have had to add close to 20 children. I will add that I have one cousin that lives half way across the country and his son is autistic so I invited him because they can't leave him with a sitter or alone for that long. If we included our friends kids we would have had to add another 35. That's 55 kids. We just couldn't afford meals for that many more people. Also, the venue we chose wouldn't accommodate that many people. In addition to that reason, we had an open bar and I don't feel it is appropriate for young children to be around a bunch of drunk people.
Exactly what previous posters said.
We wanted to keep our wedding very small, 75 people. Sadly, for us that didn't cover all of our aunts, uncles and 1st cousins since we are both from large families. We *grudgingly* upped our number to 100 and then 110 to include 85-90% of our "immediate family" and each have 3 or 4 friends at our wedding. If we included kids just from our families, we would have added more than 50 kids (we stopped counting at 52 & decide 'no kids.'), which would've blown up our budget, because to our caterer, 0-2 year olds are free, but 3-6 year olds are 1/2 price and 7 & older are adults. Then we would've had to allow our friends to bring their children as well (some of whom have 3 or 4 kids each). At $110 per plate, I simply do not see the need for kids to attend.
Also, we are getting married in the evening and dinner will not even be served until after 8-8:30pm so that might make for cranky kids and to me, having 70 kids running around does not lend itself to the intimacy we want to create for our special night.
We both enjoy children, but do not have any of our own so we DO notice when children are loud or ill-behaved. We do have 2 nieces, 2 nephews and a godson with whom we are particularly close (see them almost weekly), so we made them part of the wedding party and they will attend the reception, but they are all extremely well-behaved and will also have a room at the venue where they can play if necessary while being supervised.
@CorgiTales: haha this is why I don't have a flowergirl, I don't want anyone oohing and aahing at some toddler in a cute dress instead of me :-)
@CorgiTales: Haha, I agree so whole-heartedly with you! Kids are like puppies, of course they're all cute, but they're also kind of all the same. Once you see one cute kid in a dress or a suit, you've seen them all.
I'm not a big fan of kids in large groups. They're noisy, they break things and they can't sit still for five minutes.
Yeah....after being a waitress for so long you see how "well" most kids behave (or not) in these types of situations...just rather not. We are only having our ring bearer join us for the reception.
I agree with many reasons stated in previous posts.
Also, neither FI nor I have small children in our life with whom we have a close relationship. No nieces or nephews. Cousins who are young all live far away. So it's not super vital that kids be a part of the day.
@corgitales - I 100% agree with you! And to be prepared to be flamed further- this is the one day that is about me and my FI. Kids get celebrations several times a year depending on the family. As an adult I understand that, but I am human and I want 1 moment where people may oh and ah over me and my photographer is not being distracted by the cute pictures of the kids on the dance floor or the sleeping child photo I see all the time on blogs. Just so not my thing.
i think ultimately for us it comes down to cost and space. we have a max number of people allowed and kids and adults are counted the same...we are already struggling to cut the guest list down and when it comes down to it, i'd much rather get to invite another friend than have someone's kid there that i probably don't even know. also, kids' meals aren't exactly free, and that cost really adds up. i did not attend a single wedding growing up so i don't think it's abnormal or new to exclude kids from weddings.
We're not inviting kids for many reasons. Most if not all of them have been covered by PP, but here they are anyway:
My husband and I love kids and definitely wanted them in our wedding! We had 2 flower girls, 1 ring bearer, 2 junior bridesmaids and 2 junior ushers. The kids were adorable and very well behaved. I loved seeing how much fun they were having and I can't imagine excluding them from the wedding. They are our neices and nephews and cousins, so I think it makes a difference how close they are to us.
I didn't really want any other kids other than the wedding party kids and their siblings to be at the wedding. But 2 couples ended up RSVPing that they were bringing their kids anyways. It all turned out fine and besides the kids eating most of the candy buffet before the adults, they really weren't a problem at all.
I think you should always include very close kids that you know well. (Neices, nephews, cousins, godchildren). But kids of friends and distant family members don't need to be invited.
I am going to come right out and say that I don't particularly like children.
We're actually banning them from our wedding, though. Our venue requires us to pay for babysitting if we have more than 5 kids under 10 (excluding babies) and there's just not that many kids that age range that would be coming, so we're OK allowing people to bring them if that's what they want. BUT we're having a VERY adult party. Lots of alcohol, drinking games, there will probably be some dudes streaking the party... when I get together with my family, we play "who can say the most inappropriate, offensive thing possible." So if people really want to bring their kids and have to explain a lot of new words in the morning, it's not really my problem.
@ corgitales: My cousin and his wife wanted to have an adult only reception, but half the family rebelled. Guess what my uncle said? "Why should I come if I don't get to show off my grandson?" Yeesh.
our main reason is cost. we're on a tight budget and at min of 30 per kid, the extras aren't really an option. it's not that we dont want kids at the event, say if we send an rsvp for 2 ppl (husband and wife) not kids, they can bring a child instead as the second person...if that makes sense :) yes we are making 3 exceptions...my FI 2 brothers have 1 kid each (both under 5) and my MOH has an 18 month old. so immediate family and bridal party ONLY. 3 kids.
We have an extremely large extended family and want an extremely small private ceremony/reception. We had to cut our gueslist by more than 1/2 to accomodate the venue we really wanted. The average family on my side has 3-5 children.
Our pp price is $130. $65 for children is just insane to me.
NYE=lots of alcohol. Late ceremony/ reception ending at 2am is not appropriate for a child and at $65pp, I'd be tempted to keep the little terrors awake.
We did offer babysitting services for the children of the guests attending and are allowing the children to attend the actual ceremony, just not the reception. To give you an idea, the member party of our bridal party ALONE have about 20 children under the age of 12 between them. Can you imagine?
Honestly, I don't want a bunch of strangers at my wedding, and that includes kids of coworkers (and fiance's coworkers) I've never met - regardless of age. We've invited friends, coworkers, and family. We're trying to keep the guest list small, and when a couple we invited (fiance's coworker and her husband) RSVP'd for four guests so they could bring two of their kids - well we were a bit peeved but too nice to say no of course. (The oldest of their children is old enough to be able to babysit the other so I don't see a problem there.) I've never met them and it just seems weird to me to do something as intimate as vows to my fiance in front of people I don't know. We're having a small wedding (50 people) for that very reason. I would rather invite people who didn't make the list to begin with than to accomodate children I don't know personally.
Another one of fiance's coworkers asked if she could bring her small daughter if she couldn't find a babysitter. And honestly if a strange kid starts wailing away during our vows I will try to remain calm of course, but it would be extremely hard! Our flower girl is 4, I have a niece who is 8, and a few teenage nieces and friends who will be attending. Those I have no problem with. But guests' children - yup. Sure do! ;-)
@EmEv: "I think you should always include very close kids that you know well."
Can you explain your rationale behind that statement?
@MissHelen: lol that is TOTALLY what I'm talking about!
So glad that I'm not the only one who has noticed this :)
One reason I don't think was mentioned is kids messing up your dress. I have had two different friends that have had this issue. One kid puked on her dress another spilt their drink on the dress.
I have a son and have a few other kids I would like at our wedding. However, a few of the other kids I DO NOT want their. However, it is like if you invite one you can't not invite others.
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