Post # 1
Before I put everything out there, let me just explain that I am Indian. There are a lot of doctors within my Indian community who are invited to my wedding. My parents are good friends with them (see them at other friend’s parties) but rarely do they invite them over for their own occassions. My dad has issues with anger. I have had a very rocky relationship with him as I have grown and seen how cruel and angry he can sometimes get. This is the situation. I would like some advice or how to stand up to my parents, who are paying for wedding and inviting their guests.
My wedding is supposed to begin at 6 on a Saturday. A lot of their friends who are doctors will be working in the hospital during this time. My dad was saying that they will probably stroll in at 7. See, I have an issue with this. You miss my ceremony (and I am giving you 9+ months in advance to “save the date”) and you come for my free food. He claims that these same batch of doctors do this at every graduation party and wedding and that I should be ok with it being done at mine. WTF?! JUST DON’T COME!! It’s so rude. Am I going to have to get distracted by these people standing at the end of the aisle and blocking it? It just irks me. The fact they would rather do this than not come is so upsetting becasue I cannot tell the reception area workers to direct them to the hall. They can find other ways to walk to our garden ceremony without staying put. It just upsets me that my dad is fine with this and encourages it. He is paying but doesn’t he see how these people are not valuing the most important part and just coming for the party?
This topic was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by ruphiolis.
Post # 2
I agree, I think it’s so rude for someone to not respect the ceremony and just come for the food. That being said, seeing as your parents are paying for the wedding and inviting their friends I’m not sure what you can do other than express your feelings and hpe your dad talks to them (which is doesn’t sound like he will).
While it’s rude behaviour it’s come to be expected from this group of people, which I also think is crazy. They will continue to act this way as long as people allow them too. I think they have more than enough time to arrange to come an hour earlier, them not doing so (unless they have an emergency operation) seems disrespectful to me.
Any way someone other than your dad can talk to them? Does the doctor group have kids, maybe you can talk to them to talk to their parents. Maybe someone can get them or come earlier, or at least stad somewhere else!
Post # 3
There’s nothing you can do about it. If they can’t get there until after work, they can’t get there. You won’t even notice, you’ll be too busy getting married. If you are so concerned about this why don’t you move your ceremony time to later?
Post # 4
Hmm, I have a different perspective here.
Usually I would say, especially if you have your event on a Saturday, which is a non-work day for most people, that it would be rude to come for the reception and skip your ceremony. However, in this case, the doctor guests are putting in a full work day (I assume 12+ hours) and then coming to your event to be there for you and your parents. To me, this sounds very courteous vs. not coming at all.
I appreciate that you sent your STD 9 months in advance, but a doctor who works in a hospital isn’t going to know 9 months in advance if the date is convenient. Emergencies happen and procedures are scheduled in very real time.
Are you sure that 1 hour late arrivals will interfere with your ceremony. Maybe you could ask the doctors to come at 7:30pm or after your reception has started?
Post # 5
ruphiolis: In this case, I would be okay with it. My SIL works in a hospital, and while she is not a doctor, getting a weekend off is HARD. She is one of two specialist they have on staff to deal with trama patients. She is only supose to work one weekend a month, and if it is the weekend she is scheduled for she won’t be able to get it off period. She also only gets so many times she can ask off a weekend a year (I believe 2, but it may be more).
It is rude when someone skips the ceremony because they don’t feel like it, but not everyone is going to ask the day off to attend your wedding. We had several more “flimsy” excuses for missing our ceremony (already signed up for a volunteer event, childs soccer game) but at the end of the day they still wanted to celebrate wtih us. That was what really mattered.
Post # 6
From my understanding (I dated an Indian guy for 4 years), some Indians operate on ‘Desi Standard Time’ and it is culturally ‘accepted’ to show up an hour or two late to some events.
Unfortunately, I don’t think you (or your dad) saying this is not allowed is going to make any bit of difference. What I would do is ask your venue to hold people until your ceremony is over, or provide ushers to show people to seats if they arrive during the ceremony.
You will be so busy / absorbed during the ceremony you will not notice your guests. I can totally see why you are frustrated, but it will all be okay!!
Post # 7
If I was the one paying, I wouldn’t agree that my parents invite some of their friends for the reception only and expect me to pay. However, in this situation, your dad is paying. Those doctors are his guests and he doesn’t seem to mind paying for their food and drinks. It’s not really a money issue. It’s up to you to see if the fact you don’t have to pay for anything overpowers the fact that there might be a few guests that show up later. I understand your feelings and you’re right that it’s rude to just show up for freebees, but if it’s only a few people out of all your guests, don’t let this upset you that much. Focus on all your other guests who will be there to celebrate with you. Let your father deal with the little group of doctors.
Post # 8
You already answered your question: because they’re selfish.
Since you’re not the one paying for their food, I think you need to just get over it. On your wedding day, it’ll be mildly annoying, but it shouldn’t be too hard to focus on your groom and the guests who are present for the full event, and in any case, a wedding reception is still celebrating a happy union for a newlywed couple, even if you’re partially there for the free food.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
ruphiolis: I agree with all of the above, at the end of the day, they are selfish, they obviously don’t care. Also, it seems like they aren’t really people you are really close with or even that your parents are, so if I were you I would just forget what they decide to do, after all your parents are paying and so you won’t have to feel pissed that you are paying for the food when they didn’t respoct you and come to the ceremony. Enjoy your day 🙂
Post # 10
These are your father’s friends. Their presence or absence for any part opf your wedding will not affect you one iota. You can concentrate on the love of your life and family and friends that are close to you.
Post # 11
Usually I think it’s rude to skip the ceremony/show up late but I think work is a pretty good excuse to miss the ceremony. I have no idea what their schedule is like but unless I’m very close to a couple I typically don’t take vacation for a wedding. Sounds like they are doing what they can to celebrate your wedding with you without giving up a vacation day.