Post # 1
I was just talking to a friend and we commented on how much harder it is to make friends when we’re older (that is, done with schooling at least – possibly thinking about marriage, kids, etc, but could still be single). Aside from the fact that it’s harder to meet people because you’re no longer in school, even when you do meet people and you “click” well, it’s hard to start a new friendship.
I realized that I’ve been done with school for 3 years now and the coworkers I have are just that – coworkers. They’re not my friends outside of work. Once I leave this job, I will not want to continue hanging out with them, although I will probably still keep in touch. The last new friend I made was my 2nd year of law school (oh and my boyfriend.. after I graduated, but that doesn’t count lol).
Why do you guys think that is? Why don’t we make friends once we’re done with school? Why is it harder as we get progressively order.
My theory is that once we get older, we’re too busy to make new friends and barely have time for our old ones, so why make new ones?
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
I think as we get older we get guarded, more protective of ourselves and we get just plain comfortable in the friends we have now….all of my dear friends I met through college, but one was through a past relationship….but now as I get older I think of when me and the DH have kiddies will we meet new friends as a result of our kids school activities???? don’t know only time will tell…….it’s really hard like you said to make new friends once you get older I feel you sister!
Post # 4
I don’t think that we don’t make new friends as we get older, we are just more selective.
I can think of a few new friends that my parents (in their 50s) made in the last couple of years. And I have 2 new friends (husband and wife pair) I made a few months ago.
But I think because we already have a full arsenal of good friends already, someone has to be a really good fit for us and our lives to be added into the circle. So it still happens, but on a more selective basis.
Post # 5
I agree with the other Bees…. When we’re younger we have more time; we’re usually single or in a relationship and have a more “social” mentality in college. Everyone lived closeby; most of the activities aka studying/going out for food were all group activities or could be turned into group activities. Now when I’m married; I feel like when I make new couple friends; all four of us have to hit it off. Also being married; juggling in laws and family and maintaining existing friends its just harder to be so spontaneous. Given that time is now a constraint; I think we end up being much more selective with our friends.
Although I have to also state that you never know when you’re going to meet someone that could potentially turn into a great friend – I met two awesome bees here! (Shoutout to Mrs. FT & Mrs. YS!)
Post # 6
I agree, we’re just more selective. Even the elderly in senior’s complexes tend to make new friends!
Some of DH’s better friends are his coworkers. My parents have always been friends with some of the neighbours.
Post # 7
I think there’s just more time when you’re younger. You have all this free time at schoool, or when you’re in college when you live near each other and you can go eat together or do other activities. Whereas after you’re on your own, you have to work all day and then have a couple of hours to yourself before you have to sleep and get ready for the next day.
Post # 8
One thing about the friends you make as a post-school adult is that you haven’t shared a lot of history. If you have a friend from college you may have consoled her when she was hysterically crying over a breakup, gone with her to the clinic during a pregnancy scare, held her hair while she was puking in a toilet after an alcohol fueled party, crashed with her in her single bed in her dorm room, spent countless nights staying up late and BSing, watching cheesy movies, whatever. Go back further and you may know the first boy she kissed, have been there when she got her period, you knew what her family of origin was like and what her bedroom growing up looked like. You have witnessed behavior and phases of life that she herself would love to forget, but you know who she has been, how she’s changed. That’s a very intimate kind of knowledge of someone and it allows for an openness and comfort level throughout life.
When you meet a friend as an adult with a more-or-less settled down life, you don’t have the time or the experiences to share and bond over like that. I love to get together with the girlfriends that I’ve met locally in the last few years (I got lucky and met some great women at work) for dinner and drinks or to go hiking or whatever, but the fact is we will never have that history and intimacy that comes from growing up together (and I include college as part of growing up). So I think in addition to circumstances making it significantly harder to meet people in the first place, it’s also harder to break down the walls and get really close to people.
Post # 9
@mija22: That’s a really good point – possibly making new friends through your childrens’ parents. I sure hope so because I feel like I slowly get rid of my friends because not only do I get more selective in making them, I get more selective in keeping them. I start to dislike things and decide that I just don’t feel like putting up with it. Seriously, I have 2 girls I would put in my bridal party. My best friend from college and my best friend from the 5th grade. Everyone else is either not that close to me (ie: we see each other to catch up every few months) or I’ve started to phase out because of something they’ve done recently.
@Mrs.KMM: Where do you meet new couple friends?
@vickyness: That’s awesome! You’re so right, we just have so little time. I feel stretched so thin, I barely see my friends once a month each!
@AB Bride: Hrm, that’s true, there’s hope with coworkers. Unfortunately, lawyers tend to suck at life LOL.. I don’t have much hope of making nondouchey friends. If you thought middle or high school was bad.. law school and lawyers are much, much worse. Gossip and drama galore!
@SoupyCat: Working really sucks.
@Eglantine: That is really an EXCELLENT point that I never really thought about – the history is lacking. And I agree with you that college is a part of growing up, I even felt like law school was. But you’re right, when you meet someone new, it’s different. We are more guarded – I’m more guarded with what I share with new people I meet, whereas some of my friends who have known me for years know just so much more.
Post # 10
I’m more selective now. I don’t have a lot of free time for friends as it is, so if I’m going to use those precious free hours hanging out with a friend, it’s going to be a damn good high quality one!
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: Exactly! I moved from my home state a year ago to be with SO and I have found a few good aquaintances and such, but no one I’d consider more than that, or a work friend. I feel like if I do make new ones it would be through moms groups (when we have kids) or through volunteering, etc. My mom retired not too long ago and has made a few new friends, so there’s hope for us all yet! lol
Post # 12
@Eglantine: I think there’s something to seeing each other in multiple settings that changes as we get older too. My college friends and I were always crashing at each others places, and we also had classes together, partied together, etc. My law school friends and I occasionally got lunch or dinner, and went out every once in awhile, but I never had a sleepover with any of them or anything, or went on trips with them, and subsequently I just don’t feel as close to them.
Mainly though, if I need someone to do something with, I have my FI. Dinner date, shopping date, whatever. I have less of a day to day need for friends, so it’s easy to forget how important they are.
Post # 14
I agree. Not only do you have less opportunities to meet people but your schedule may be so crazy that you have little room to fit someone new in. I have found that the easiest way to make firiends now is through already existing friends and group outings.
I also have to say that I am much more picky when making friends now. My time is precious and when allotting that time for new people I want to make sure I am investing in something worthwhile. I know when I am clicking with someone so it all about being more self aware.
Post # 15
Me and my FI REALLY need to make new friends. Will be a priority after the wedding. I have awesome friends back in my homestate. Out here in AZ, not so much. I have like 2 gfs out here and I barely see them. I get along with my coworkers but don’t hang out with them much outside of work. Me and my FI both agree that we need to make some couple friends that we can hang out with. Hopefully we can get more involved with our church and meet other couples our age.
Post # 16
@futuremrsk18: We meet tons of new people through our sports leagues (bowling, tennis, and softball). Plus there are always friends of friends.