(Closed) Why I am scared of waiting *Long*

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sad as this story is for your friend, this has nothing to do with people waiting more than 3 or 4 years for a proposal. This has to do with her picking a manipulative man who is no good for her.

I think it is a little offensive for those Bees who are with wonderful men, but for whatever reason their wait has been a little longer.

I personally have friends who have waited 9 years because they got together young (18) so by the time they finished university, established their careers and were ready to get married, 9 years had passed. I dont think it is fair to judge them because they waited longer than 3 years.

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry, how would this story be any happier if they had gotten married after 3 years? I think the take-home message here is ‘don’t date a guy like Eric.’

Post # 7
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrssrm:  Agree. Hopefully if he continues to act like that, she won’t stay with him another 13 years.

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@beccybaby:  I find it offensive that you liken your friends situation to anyone elses who is in a relationship for longer than 3-4 years without marriage. This is an abusive relationship and could just as easily occur with a married couple vs an ummarried one

Post # 10
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think its ridiculous and absurd that this is how you come to the conclusion that you won’t wait 3-4 years for someone…no offense to Carla but it sounds like she has no common sense. To be completely honest with you, she had a million and one warning signs and the fact that someone might even have a hint of the idea that pregnancy would be a way to force this man into marriage, proves it.  If you feel you are the same as Carla than maybe your mentality does suit you.

Post # 11
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the other posts.  The moral here should be “don’t date guys like Eric” not “don’t wait more than 3-4 years.”  The story won’t be any happier if he proposed within the three year mark.     I agree with you though.  She should have taken the advice of her friends more.  She had 13 years to figure out what he was like.

Post # 12
Member
5310 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@mrssrm:  LOL – exactly the message I walked away with!

Post # 13
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry that your friend ended up in this situation, and it’s sad to know that a friend is in love with someone who doesn’t give her the respect that she deserves.

Personally, I have been with my SO for over 2.5 years (it will be 3 years in June).  After being together for about one year, we decided that being engaged around 2 years and married by 3 years would be ideal.

Well, life has happened, and things have certainly changed.  We are not married or even engaged for that matter, and that is a mutual decision.

I am glad that SO and I have been open enough with eachother to reassess our relationship goals and timelines as things change.  It has helped us to grow together in a number of ways. Focusing on building a positive relationship has been more important than focusing on a wedding date. 

@beccybaby:  Being in a relationship for more than 3 or 4 years doesn’t necessarily mean that there is no committment.  Honestly, one of the reasons I don’t feel the need to be engaged right now is because being engaged isn’t going to change the way that SO or I feel about eachother. 

Just because we don’t feel that the time is right to get married doesn’t mean that we aren’t committed, we are hoping for something better, etc. etc.    

Remember. . .We decide for ourselves what we will or will not accept, but the hard part is accepting what others accept even though we would deem it unacceptable.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Um, 13 years isn’t the same as 3. And, being with a manipulative [email protected]@hole for any length of time is too long! I think you need to take a step back to be able to see what the real moral of the story is.

Post # 15
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CupcakeLove:  Agreed. Some men just take longer. If you have a good man, there’s nothing wrong with waiting and it doesn’t make you a ‘fall back’ girl.

My sister had a friend we’ll call Jenn. Jenn was in a relationship with “Sam.” She adored Sam and they had a really good relationship. Sam was a great partner, but had some issues with commitment stemming from his parent’s terrible marriage. Around the two year mark, Jenn started bugging Sam to propose to her. Sam told her that he wanted to marry her, but didn’t feel emotionally or financially ready. She told him she would leave him if he didn’t propose within a month. She even requested a specific date. On that date, he took her on a walk. After they’d walked about 30 minutes, Jenn asked Sam if we going to propose or not. He took the ring out of his pocket and handed her the box. She put the ring on her own finger.

You might think I’m about to tell you that this story ended in a miserable marriage, but I’m not. Sam and Jenn have been married for 5 years now and are happy to be together. However, Jenn has admitted that she often wishes she could go back and be more patient so that she could have the memory of a happy, genuine proposal.

This is the reason my sister chose not to bug her now husband about getting engaged. She let him know when she was ready, they discussed it every so often and she made her desires clear…but she was dead set against giving him an ultimatum. It took the guy 7 years (he had his own issues about marriage)…but he did it. On his own time. And the memory of their engagement is one that will fill my sister with joy for years.

Anyway, I’m bored, hence the storytelling. The moral of the story is this: the only thing that really matters is the health and happiness of the couple involved. Sam and Jenn were a happy couple and even though she pushed him, it worked out (not that I would reccomend the way she acted haah). My sister and her husband are a happy couple and waiting a long time for what she wanted did not ruin that.

Eric sucks because he sucks. Not because he waited 13 years.

Post # 16
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

I’ve been with a wonderful man for almost 10 years now.  He is my biggest supporter and best friend.  He goes out of his way to make me smile, and has held me up through some of the most difficult times in my life.    

Sorry your friend waited around for a jerk, but there are plenty of us long waiting Bees who are happy with our partners!  I would title your vent “why I’m scared of jerks”

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