Why I didn't throw my bride a wedding shower.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it was perfectly okay to not throw a shower.  You are on HER side of the family and that would pertain mostly to guests that are also on her side.  If they are all out of province, then no need.  But since most of the guests are on HIS side, then someone from his side should be the host for that shower.  The only tradition I know of is that both MOG and MOB (and wedding party members) would be invited to any and all showers. 

Post # 4
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I probably wouldn’t have either. And, good luck to them. It’s very difficult to maintain a relationship let alone a marriage when your spouse hates your family. I feel bad for you and her FI.

Post # 5
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t fully understand the point of showers anyway, so I say good for you. There is no reason to host a party for the bride and invite a bunch of people she always shit talks. I would feel awkward watching her fake “nice” to everyone in the hopes of getting more gifts.

Post # 6
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@rebeccalena:  I disagree whole-heartedly with some of these “MOH duties” lists floating around the Bee and the internet, so I do not think you “have” to throw her anything.

Post # 7
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m kind of wondering why you continue to choose to be her MOH, after her behavior has been displayed? I say you totally have a choice as to if you want to throw something for her…totally your right! And I see your reasons for doing it.

But I guess I do wonder why are you still her friend? Did you ever consider just not being in the wedding? Or you didn’t want to take it that far? Were you trying to make a point?

I know someone very similiar to your bride and once I saw it, I backed off…way off. It just wasn’t something I wanted to be a part of.

Post # 8
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@rebeccalena:  what about the people on the bride’s side, doesn’t she have a few relatives and friends going to the wedding.  i don’t know if you’ve talked to the bride about this.  but what about putting a luncheon together for her nearest and dearest.  it doesn’t have to be a shower.

Post # 9
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@badabing88:  Agreed. My MOH told me straight up that she had no idea what she was supposed to do. I told her that I didn’t know either lol. We went through a couple of those lists and crossed off 99% of the stuff on them. She was asking me about a shower recently, and I told her that she is more than welcome to throw me one if she is comfortable doing so and would like to. If she doesn’t that’s okay, too. She lives an hour away and works full time, and the only thing I expected of her was to show up at the wedding (though she went above and beyond).

Post # 10
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why not have a small intimate shower with you, her family and friends, and the rest of her bridal party? Where I’m from it’s quite common for both the bride’s side (usually bridal party or a close aunt) to throw a shower, as well as someone from the grooms side. This way she can still have a shower, you’ll still be a kick a$$ MOH, and only the people she is closest with will be in attendance. If her FMIL wants to throw one for the grooms side-they can deal with it, and you don’t have to be involved. 

Post # 12
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@rebeccalena:  I totally agree that you don’t HAVE to throw a shower, but I disagree with your reasoning. My MOH hears most of my in-law complaints, as she’s my best friend and the person who’s not going to judge me for getting mad about my FMIL bugging me about having more flowers, ect. 

It might be selfish (it is), but the people who’ve put me through the most drama over wedding things are…kind of the people I’d want to buy me presents! 

I get that her complaints are more intense, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t deserve a shower because she’s been complaining about them. My MOH is the person I vent to (and she does to me too). I think that’s fair. 

I’m certainly not blaming you in the situation, but why are you her MOH? It doesn’t sound like you’re even friends. 

Post # 14
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I agree with other PPs- maybe have a low-key luncheon with some of the members on her side of the family if possible.

Though with the way she apparently hates her FI’s family (it’s the “she’s never seeing my kids” line that throws the red flag), I’d wonder how this marriage is going to last…


Post # 16
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

This girl has a long road ahead of her, especially if she decides to have kids. There is no way, unless her FI is 100% supportive that she can keep her kids away from the grandma.

I know that had nothbing to do with you rpost, but I had to get it out there. I think-no- I KNOW you are justified not throwing her a shower.

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