- 2 years ago
I’m having a hard time seeing everyone on FB and Instagram post loving pictures of themselves with their mom and writing something sentimental. I just need a place to let this out.
Am I supposed to be thankful to my mom who, all throughout my childhood, told me I was a mistake and that all I do is ruin everything?
Or, who, when things got a little too difficult, would tell me to just quit and then feed me McDonalds to make me feel better?
Or, who, when I was little, and would ask her to play with me, she’d scream “I’M NOT YOUR PLAYMATE, GO TO YOUR ROOM!”?
Or, who, wouldn’t let me have any friends unless they were white and Catholic?
Or, who, wouldn’t let me laugh or sing out loud? If I did, she’d tell me to “STOP IT”
Or, who, grabbed at my stomach every morning, and told me I need to lose weight?
Or, who, instead of leaving my abusive dad, she decided to stay with him, and be spiteful and hateful toward him every single day and use me as a pawn in her attempts to “get back at him” all the time? (He didn’t let her go back to work or school. She got pregnant with me right before she was about to leave him, but decided to stay because she didn’t want to be a single mom.)
All these Mother’s Day cards about moms being so wonderful and strong and caring and “going the extra mile” and teaching their children so much… and all these people posting about feeling like they really DID have the best mom, and how wonderful their mothers are….
I wish I knew what that was like. Just for a second.