(Closed) Why I Took Time Off Of WeddingBee: A PSA to the Waiting Ladies

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

Well, that’s why we have the Shut-It-Up Pact!

But I understand, I think I need a break, too, unfortunately.

Post # 4
Member
7277 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@musician32992:  I’ve done that for a few days at a time too! Or I’ll stick to the relationship or intimacy boards and avoid anything with a ring like the plague 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

your advice is good 🙂 maybe at some point I will need to distance myself for a while.

 

i find WB to be very cathartic as well though. I feel a lot of external pressure because 2 years seems to be the norm for engagement within the people I know, regardless of age, money, or educational and living situations. Being here reminds me that that really isn’t normal or even particularly recommendable and allows the rational side of myself to see that what I want may not be what I need to focus on right now.

It’s still frustrating but I’d hate to know how I’d be feeling if my world view was still based on those immediately around me.

Post # 6
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I think you may be right .. I dont chat my SOs ear off about rings anymore or weddings BUT I do find I am on here an awful lot and its starting to affect my homework/study levels and it does make me so much more impatient and sad I havent got my sparkly yet!

Glad to hear the break worked for you! maybe Ill give it a go 🙂

Post # 7
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I was starting to feel pretty stressed out about wedding planning, the site was adding to some cold feet, also some of the snarkiness was making me feel like I have terrrible ideas, opinions or taste. I took some time and away and some days I remember why I was off for the time, others I’m happy to apart of the site. I’m glad to be back, but I will deffinately be limiting my useage!

Post # 8
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

I never sat there for an hour talking about rings and weddings to him a lot when I was waiting. But I definitely felt resentment more towards him seeing other engagements and recaps. I agree that sometimes a break away is needed, but even with a break there’s still that antsy and annoyed feeling, it’s just less intense away from the bee.

Post # 9
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I actually took a long time away from the Bee. Now I’m mostly just lurking, and it really has done good things for our relationship.

Of course, as more and more friends and family start planning weddings I’m drawn back on to the site… But I think the break helped me deal with my wedding-mouth (a very serious condition, I assure you).

Post # 10
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@musician32992:  You are definitely on to something. I have a lot of stuff to focus on this summer, and I feel that WB is a HUGE distraction. I may take break myself until school is over, and I am actually engaged, but we shall see. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
9173 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah I think this site is really damaging to women who want to be engaged but aren’t. It’s not distracting you from this thoughts, it’s encouraging them. Just my 2 cents though.

Post # 12
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I just took a month break as well (for other reasons – a lot going on lately) but I think that it’s great advice. We definitely discussed wedding related things a lot less and I wasn’t so obsessed with the topic!

Post # 13
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 not just good advice for waiting bees. Sometimes I think it’s a good idea for me to take some time or the site because I get wedding envy. I don’t have the biggest budget in the world and I am always seeing something new and unique and wonderful I want to share with my guests. I need to remind myself that these people are not coming for the knick knacks or the designer displays but because they love us.

Post # 14
Member
6365 posts
Bee Keeper

I think if I had even had any idea about the bee well before I was engaged it would have been a negative impact for my life.

I wasn’t here long before I realized that my engagement…after 5 years together in my early 30s… was LATE, in the bee world. Like holy-cow-that’s-a-long-time-how-did-you-stand-it late.

I had no real awareness that it could be seen that way by different subcultures since both the amount of time together before engagment and the age at engagement are well within normal in my subculture. I had no one who suggested it was a good idea to try to get him to do it faster, to research for myself what ring I want, what wedding I want, when I want it, and so on.

Things happened for us in a very organic and unpressured way, and I know that’s because I wasn’t exposed to alternative ways of thinking from my subculture. Yes, I knew that around the world some girls get married as young as 9 and what-have-you, I just was so far removed from other “marriage anticipation realities” than my own subculture’s.

The bee would make much faster timelines and heavy pressure on us women to make sure we get married to our boyfriend seem more normative, and create anxiety for me, and I probably would have started pressuring my then-boyfriend, and we would have fought, and gotten stressed out, and he probably would have given in to my pressure, and proposed earlier, with a ring I chose for him to propose with, and I would have resented feeling like I had to drag him through the whole process, and he would resent feeling like he was dragged through the process. 

That said, had I stumbled across this website somehow earlier in my relationship, would I have recognized the negative impact at the time, or is it only clear to me in hindsight? I’m really not sure. If I was wise enough I would try to forget the site until I was engaged, but I’m not sure I have that level of wisdom, even now. Would I know if the bee was negatively impacting me now? My post count suggests perhaps a teensy addiction 🙂

 

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