Post # 1
The FI’s sister has had a 12 year grudge against him (not really, but she’s always said she wouldn’t go to his wedding) b/c he didn’t go to her wedding. Again, this was 12 years ago, the FI was 18 and well anywho we just go her reply and it was a decline. She’s about 4 hours away and said she can’t make it down here b/c the wedding is on a Sunday.
What bugs me is this, I asked her a few months ago via email if I should even send an invitation and she never replied. I didn’t want to push it and i didn’t want to be rude and not send her an invitation (i spent about 4. per set and really didn’t want to waste any). My thing is, why didn’t she just reply or call to say, “hey, i’m not going to make it”?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Eh, at least she sent a reply. It’s annoying that she’s being such a baby about it, but it’s not worth stressing over. $4 is $4.
Post # 4
lol.. true.. it’s not really about the $$. i’m sure not everyone will be able to make it. i just really wish she stopped being such a baby about it. she comes down for bdays, other weddings, and the holidays all the time. but yeah, i guess at least she replied..
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
That is so weird! Seriously, 12 years ago? It’s not like she hasn’t been speaking to him, is she still trying to get him back for it or something? I firmly believe that people are crazy. 🙂
Post # 6
How rude!!! She doesn’t sound like someone you want there though. Better to waste $4 than the cost of a meal!
Post # 7
How awful for your FI! What an odd grudge to have. I think it’s wonderful you sent her the invitation and it was absolutely the right thing to do. It’s too bad she couldn’t pull it together to be there for her brother.
Post # 8
It sounds like she was really hurt (over a *decade* ago but still) that her bro didn’t bother to come to her wedding and she is still nursing that grudge.
I know he was really young and it was a long time ago, but did he ever genuinely apologize to her about it?
I very respectfully disagree with those who would have you just drop it. Sh eis family, and this drama has gone on for so long that it’s time to put it to an end. I’d call her and tell her that you’re really sorry that she won’t be able to make it. Tell her you know itt hurt her a lot that your FI was too young and immature to treat her wedding with the respect that it deserved, and that you’re sorry she won’t be able to make it to yours. Tell her it would mean a lot to you if she could reconsider her schedule because you hope that the two of them can heal this rift. It may not do anything to change her mind, but it would show her that *you* care the he hurt her, you recognize her feelings, and that it matters to you whether she makes it or not.
If you can get your FI to sincerely tell her that he wishes she would come, that might also help.
My hunny and his sister aren’t the best of friends either – they don’t get each other. I find that as time goes on, I end up being the one who is closer to her, who can bridge the gap.
Try to reach out. She’ll be your family for the rest of your life, and you know the girl can hold grudges. It’s in your best interests to be able to say you did everything you could to make her feel like she was welcome.
Post # 9
I agree with the above comment, to a degree. She is family, and you will be with her in some sense for the rest of your days. So you should do what you can to try and get this issue resolved so that it doesn’t continue on for another 12 years.
But once you’ve extended the olive branch, that’s all I would do. I would give it one try and then write it off and say “oh well.” I wouldn’t have this stress me out any more than a normal bride stresses, but I would do what I could to fix it if possible.
Post # 10
I agree with thfuturemrsjay… chat with her (FSIL) and indicate if you had been in his life 12 years ago, you certainly wouldn’t let a silly disagreement prevent him from attending her wedding. Don’t mention the cost, just ask her to think about it and reconsider, and that it would mean a great deal to YOU, their parents etc. IF POSSIBLE, start the relationship with the family/extended family in a spirit of loving compassion, not spite and bitterness.