Weddingbee boards

There are about a million posts on these boards about cash bars and whether or not they are tacky.

The prevailing attitude on the boards seems to be that there HAS to be alcohol at the wedding, and therefore the options are have free alcohol or have guests pay for alcohol.  Because people have this attitude, they do something that is considered poor etiquette, and charge their guests for drinks (I know people disagree with this, but I swear Emily Post and Miss Manners are on my side.)

I honestly just do not get it.  I've been to lots of weddings where I neither expected nor received alcohol of any kind.  The wedding wasn't ruined for me.  I still had fun, talking and laughing with my friends. Why on earth are weddings all about the booze?   I don't really see what's so wrong with a dry wedding, if alcohol is out of budget.

i dont think alcohol is 'required', per se. But I think each bride knows her guests. I had a 'cocktail reception' so clearly, open bar. But if I had something before 3, i probably would have served champagne only, or no alcohol at all. I think the decision to serve alcohol depends on a lot of factors, but I definitely vote for the dry wedding over cash bar.

I'd much rather go to a wedding with a cash bar than a dry reception.  Unless of course it was a daytime wedding. 

Might just be my social circle, but I'd be really really surprised if any of my friends or family decided to have a dry reception.  I think if we made the choice to go dry, our family/friends would not be fans of it.  I always bring cash to weddings, to me it isn't a big deal at all, and I have yet to hear someone complain at a wedding about paying for their own martini or something.  I don't expect the bride & groom to provide me with drinks.   The only necessary thing, in my mind, is food.  I'd only be offended if things were clearly out of balance, like a 10k dress and no hosted bar options. 

The more and more I read weddingbee the more it seems that this is really specific to our own region & culture.

I think if you want to have a 'dance party' type reception (which we did), alcohol is pretty critical.  In my experience, it's hard to get a lot people to dance without it.  If you aren't having dancing, or are just having slow dancing, I don't think not having alcohol is a big deal.  It all just depends on the type of reception you want to have.  If you don't want to serve alcohol (or can't), you just have to look at how that might affect your guests and adjust your expectations for the vibe of the reception.  Of course, you can still have a great time, it just might not turn into a 'dance party.'  I just hate to see the bride & groom dissapointed that the dance floor is empty when there is no alcohol available.

I would prefer to have a cash bar over a dry wedding. 

I'm Irish and it would be completely unheard-of in my family to have a dry wedding.  I also can't imagine any of my friends having a dry wedding.  In many cultures alcohol is just part of any celebration.  It drives me nuts that people who don't drink think that having alcohol at an event will turn people into raving lunatics.  Every event that is hosted by my family and friends (birthday parties, house warmings, Saturday night get-togethers) has alcohol and people don't act any more crazy than they would sober. 

@doctorgirl:  When you say "open bar" are you referring to a true open bar, or do you mean a hosted bar, as in alcohol is provided by the party hosts, but not necessarily a full bar selection?

I'm just trying to figure out the terminology.  Do you think it's expected to note somewhere on the invitation that beer, wine, and a signature cocktail are going to be served, but not liquor (therefore not making the event "open bar")?  Or are you just saying that it should be noted if its a dry or cash bar reception?

Nicely worded doctorgirl! 

Adults should be able to choose to drink if they want, choosing not to drink doesn't make you a child.

I understand not having alcohol if a lot of people attending are recovering alcoholics or if the majority of the people just don't drink. 

I don't understand why people use their wedding as a way to inflict their personal values on their friends and family.  I avoid super fattening foods with trans-fat and I think aspertame is poison but I will still be serving cake and diet coke because I know that not everyone shares my feelings. 

I don't think it's necessary, but I wouldn't hold a cash bar either. I wouldn't want my guests to pay a cent at my wedding, so I wouldn't offer liquor at all.

@doctorgirl:  I think the lawyer in me is just really picky about words!  And in some of the other alcohol discussions the terms are used interchangeably and I never know what people are really saying!

And I agree, if you go with a cash bar, you really should give everyone a head's up!

99% of my friends/family drink and I don't know anyone who goes to a wedding with the intention of getting smashed. 

I wouldn't be miffed if a vegetarian friend didn't serve meat at their house because they would have to touch/cook the meat.  I don't have to touch alcohol to serve it at my wedding.

I don't drink and my FI drinks only minimally, plus a lot of our friends don't drink. Because alcohol isn't really part of our lifestyle, we didn't even really consider having it at our wedding. But in the end, I think it really has to do with you and your fiance. I definitely think it's okay to not have alcohol at a wedding and those who attend would be rude to complain about it.

P.S. My fiance is not a dancer by any means, so the idea of having a reception with minimal dancing sounded great to him anyhow :-D

I guess I should clarify that I don't think there's anything wrong with having alcohol, just that it seems silly to me that people feel required to serve alcohol.  It bugs me that people feel pressured into doing something they can't afford and get stuck between offending people who abide by the rules of etiquette and offending people who can't imagine surviving a few hours without a drink.  That's part of it that I really don't get- I don't need to drink to dance or have a good time.  

I think all of this cash bar/open bar wet/dry stuff depends 110% on the group of people attending the wedding.  My circle of friends, mostly from college, would never dream of having a wedding without a full open bar - it's one of the top priorities and a "given".  However, I've gone to a few weddings of family friends, where the crowd was mostly families with only the bridal party members of the same age as the bride and groom, where it was wine/beer/cash bar or something like that, and I don't think people even noticed - it wasn't a party-centric crowd.  Just go with whatever works for you!