Weddingbee boards

Ok. I have noticed that people on here ask for comments about everything, from material aspects of the wedding to emotional aspects of the relationship. But when it comes to rings, people are so touchy. A lot of people let their advice go freely with the other stuff (sometimes a lot more important) everything from, "I think you should reconsider your relationship" to, "yes, I do think $10,000 is too much to spend on a venue that is almost as nice as the one that is $10,000 more." But everyone FREAKS OUT about rings. I think it is so, so, so, so, so, so, so sad when I long on and see a post that is, "Oh, I guess I just feel my ring is small." (none of these are actual quotes-- I didn't want to throw anyone under the bus-- and there is too many examples to use). And I hate when so many of the bees say things like "It is a small diamond but it sparkles so much! It is the BEST color, cut, and clarity you can buy." WHO CARE IF IT IS SMALL. ugh, I guess I am just so sick of rings being so important.

Stewie-First off, you have to understand, some girls come here just to vent about things that in reality, may just be minor frustrations, but they don't feel comfortable telling people they actually 'know'.  So although some girls may come here saying 'I feel like the ring is small' and it might sound superficial, I kind of doubt that they reallly really feel that bad about their ring. 

Second, I really don't think that a girl saying 'I feel like my ring is too small' is the same as one saying 'the diamond is small but it is such great quality and it is so beautiful'.  In fact, had you read many ring posts about diamind/stone size, you would have learned that many girls do in fact choose a smaller ring but of high quality on purpose, whether it be style preference, job, hand size etc.  So try not to be too judgemental; you may be reading too much into some people's posts. 

I do agree that some girls place too much importance on the ring, as if the type of ring their FI buys is a measure of his feelings for them....but you have to also look at the culture in the US.  People are constantly bombarded with images of this celebrity's engagement ring, and that celebs wedding ring.  So some girls just expect that they will get something very extravagent, w/out considering that said rings cost way more than the average guy can afford.  it's the same reason many women now expect their proposal to be a total event, instead of an intimate question....it's just the culture right now....if that makes any sense at all. 

i think it's because a lot of people tend to for some reason have well formed opinions on how much you should spend on a ring, period.  its not "you shouldnt spend 10k on a ring when you could get the same thing for 5k" but more of a "10k is too much to spend, period"

i think deep down almost all of us would like to have the biggest, most high quality ring we could have without going into debt.  but we can't all afford it, if we could then it would no longer be worth anything or be a luxury.  so people defend what they did get.

Personally, I think whatever amount your FI spent on a ring is a decision made by him (or the person giving the ring) or both of you. The size of the stone shouldn't matter. But, I think since this is a place where women with large or small budgets come together, there will be ring envy/embarrassment/pride/resentment. You can't tell a person how to feel on the subject.

With that being said, I think we are in a time and a place, where people are taking a second look at finances. They see opulance, and may look down upon it or not think twice. But, this is also one of the first places I have seen that has celebrated a .25ct stone as much as a 5ct stone. Other sites or magazines I have seen, I have been hard pressed to find a ring that cost less than $10K. So, I guess, if you want more praise on having a larger stone, maybe The Knot or Martha Stewart is where you want to be?

I feel its a very nice balance here. I love seeing girls proud of what they have, no matter what the cost. I've seen the best of expensive and the best of inexpensive. And that makes me very happy and want to come back.

Thanks ladies. I wasn't trying to judge anyone. In my post, I never said anything about how much is too much to spend. What I was curious about was the defensive tone and the feeling that justification of ring size is needed by some people on here. I guess it just make me sad, I will never understand since I don't have that conspicuous consumption mentality. I don't think I am coming across the way it sounds in my head, lol. I look at posts and see a beautiful ring, and a lot of the comments, of course, are "Wow!" and "So pretty," things like that. But then some are "It's HUGE!" and "Your ring's huge!" and I just laugh and shake my head. I never will understand. 

Um, cheerful, I just read that someone likes "keeping up with the Jones" (sic) so I was just commenting on how I see it. 

I don't think I'm better than everyone else. It's just not the way I see things-- I was trying to understand.

Thanks ladies. 

Stewie: I understand the point you are trying to make, however you're not really using pertinent examples.  Saying that someone's ring is 'huge' is just an observation.  Some rings are huge.  That is a fact.  Just like if someone posted a pic of the Great Dane on here.....we would also say 'it's huge'.  I fail to see how that is a bad thing.

And I agree with cheerful; saying that girls who want a big or expensive ring have a 'conspicuous consumption mentality' is condescending.  Everyone has different priorities, and you should not look down on them just because they want something that you do not.