(Closed) Why is everyone so defensive about rings?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First, we have the same wedding date.. YAY!!

Second, I feel you on that.  I think it’s awesome if your FI can afford to get you a ring at all.  I don’t feel it’s the most important part of the engagement.  And it is sad when some brides to be feel their ring isn’t as good or could be better.  Just be happy with what ya got!

Post # 4
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think the ring is the most important thing but I think everyone should have one they love. In my case I do love my ring and I actually picked it out myself, the doubts come from not having tried on different diamond cuts, settings, etc. I just needed a little reinforcement.

I don’t think it’s sad for people to be concerned about loving their ring. It’s something you have to wear the rest of your life and you should be happy about it.

Post # 5
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Amen to that! Engagement rings have the unfortunate tendency to be status symbols rather than a symbol of the relationship. I think a lot of girls who have “small” rings or non-diamond rings feel pressured to defend them, as if their relationship isn’t good if the ring isn’t accepted. It’s sad. 🙁

Post # 6
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Seconding Minutiae, yes, engagement rings are often status symbols and stand-ins for wealth. Thus, the social pressure to defend… unfortunately.

Post # 7
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Stewie-First off, you have to understand, some girls come here just to vent about things that in reality, may just be minor frustrations, but they don’t feel comfortable telling people they actually ‘know’.  So although some girls may come here saying ‘I feel like the ring is small’ and it might sound superficial, I kind of doubt that they reallly really feel that bad about their ring. 

Second, I really don’t think that a girl saying ‘I feel like my ring is too small’ is the same as one saying ‘the diamond is small but it is such great quality and it is so beautiful’.  In fact, had you read many ring posts about diamind/stone size, you would have learned that many girls do in fact choose a smaller ring but of high quality on purpose, whether it be style preference, job, hand size etc.  So try not to be too judgemental; you may be reading too much into some people’s posts. 

I do agree that some girls place too much importance on the ring, as if the type of ring their FI buys is a measure of his feelings for them….but you have to also look at the culture in the US.  People are constantly bombarded with images of this celebrity’s engagement ring, and that celebs wedding ring.  So some girls just expect that they will get something very extravagent, w/out considering that said rings cost way more than the average guy can afford.  it’s the same reason many women now expect their proposal to be a total event, instead of an intimate question….it’s just the culture right now….if that makes any sense at all. 

Post # 8
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree, and in all honesty I find it odd people said they thought ring prices should be  so high… or that the ring is to small. Really, is this forum really full of that many so well-off people? Are these people responding who are even engaged?

They seem to have all these wants that are not so practical when it comes down to REAL family life…. So it makes me wonder is it about the man and life with him or the dream and want of a wedding and  status?

IDK. I do think you need to love yoru ring, but don’t think it needs to be a ridiculously priced one.

 

Now, I don’t know anyone here personally to know thier situation, and I am not saying all who post here are like this.

Post # 9
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think people are misunderstanding that poll question from earlier. It was not asking what everyone’s ring cost, it was asking what you would consider to be too much. I picked 10K+ but my ring definitely didn’t cost anywhere near that!

Post # 10
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I was so excited when I was given my e-ring!  After the horrors of losing my only child, being dumped by my ex-sig other of 20 years and a long bout of depression, it seemed like a true miracle to find someone who loved me enough to ask me to marry him and give me a beautiful ring.  Although small by SOME people’s standards, it is beautiful and perfect and even over 18 months (and the wedding)later, I still look at it and smile. That ring will always remind me that there is HOPE even in the darkest of times.

When I showed the ring to people, most were so happy for me! But one or two people made snide remarks about its size. I just smiled and said that while it may look small to YOU, it looks perfect to ME and the love it represents is IMMENSE! I wouldn’t trade my 1/2 ct. perfection for all the money in the world. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!

Post # 11
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

ahhh lol… I went and looked. I glanced at that before I had my coffee 😉 sorrry.

Post # 12
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@almostduffy By that measure, nothing of a wedding is useful for what you call “REAL life,” so why bother with any of it? Why do we have to begrudge people their fun and frivolities? If other people choose to spend their money on something, why does it matter to us? Why can’t we be happy that they take pleasure in how they spend their money? Who cares if it isn’t ‘practical’ or spent the way in which we would have? It’s not our life; it’s not our decision. 

Post # 13
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

yikes… that wasn’t too cheerful.

I was just giving my opinion…

Post # 14
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Can’t we all just get along? 🙂

Post # 15
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The tough thing about a comment board- just like an email- is that you really don’t get the tone of the person posting.  To be honest, I’ve sometimes read the “my diamond is small but it is excellent color, clarity, etc. and come away feeling like either its either an unnecessary defense of a diamond or that its impling someone with a larger diamond has a big diamond with not as good quality- but they might not have thought either thing while typing their comment.  My perception could be based on how I’m feeling at the time and could be the furthest thing from what the poster intended, so I tend to just read the comment and make my own comment if I like.

Honestly…I have spent a lot & lot of years by myself, thinking that I was never going to find someone and I’d have to buy myself a diamond.  I am just so thankful that this amazingly wonderful guy found me and chose to spend some of his hard earned money to give me a beautiful ring and ask me a question.

Post # 16
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think it’s because a lot of people tend to for some reason have well formed opinions on how much you should spend on a ring, period.  its not “you shouldnt spend 10k on a ring when you could get the same thing for 5k” but more of a “10k is too much to spend, period”

i think deep down almost all of us would like to have the biggest, most high quality ring we could have without going into debt.  but we can’t all afford it, if we could then it would no longer be worth anything or be a luxury.  so people defend what they did get.

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