(Closed) Why is he doing this…

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

My experience, the more you try to pressure a guy to do something the less likely he is to do it. Nobody would want to marry someone obsessed with getting married. My FI proposed after I finished telling him I never wanted to get married. He didn’t feel pressure at all and was able to make a decision on his own. I wouldn’t want to marry someone I had to force into it anyway!

I bought a house young too, and it’s definitely challenging. I wouldn’t recommend moving back to renting πŸ™ but if that’s what you want to do, then you should. At this point, you don’t have a ring so you need to make the best possible decision for you. He can’t expect you to make decisions based on him when you’ve already made it clear you won’t live together without a formal commitment.

Just my personal opinion – marriage doesn’t mean sh*t without a commitment of the heart. If you’ve got a great guy who is committed to you without the piece of paper, who cares! You’re lucky. There are plenty of married folks who cheat and marriage isn’t the be all end all. It’s just how society tells us to show our union.  

Post # 5
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsWe:  How long have you been together. While I don’t think waiting around and not making decisions in the hopes he proposes is the right choice. Why are you wanting to jump in to renting again. He does have a point. You obviously are thinking a future together, maybe just not a fast as you would like….

Post # 6
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He brought up buying a home together/living together; I think it’s fair to say “you know I won’t live with you unless we’re engaged, right?”

Live your life for you.  If he brings up the future then talk about what you see in your future together.  It’s way easier to find out there is a mis-match in expectations now than later.

Post # 8
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee

I would reiterate that you would not buy a house with someone until marriage. Then go do what you want to do. Too many women…including myself at one time…hold back making choices and doing what they want to do while they wait for some man to get his act together.

Post # 9
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsWe:  So you haven’t even been together a year? I would just see what the next few weeks bring and how things pan out.

Post # 12
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

The SIU pact doesn’t mean you cannot respond to him – you just are vowing not to blab him half to death with engagement/marriage talk. I think you should respond to him if he’s bringing it up – he may know how you feel about living together, but what about your personal timeline for that?

Speak up when he brings it up. Just keep with the SIU for however long you’d like by not bringing it up yourself.

Post # 13
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsWe:  Make your plans as you wish. Talk to him when he asks, I am sure it will stem from there. Open communication is the key. Explain to him your concerns about your house and why you want to rent. If he doesn’t want to rent and wants to take the next step he will πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MrsWe:  Yeah, respond to that poor man! He wants to talk about it. πŸ™‚ Just try to be “good” (haha, I can tell you when I was waiting, I wasn’t “good”) and not bring it up if you can help it. It seems like it’s working for you!

The topic ‘Why is he doing this…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors