(Closed) Why is it always women waiting?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@oneofthesethings:  A friend of mine, dating a guy for 4 years +, they’re both in grad school. He was ready to take the “next step” and move in together, engagement, etc. But she wasn’t ready. i don’t know if it was the “wrong” guy or just “wrong” time, but right now they’re going through a transition and I’m not sure if they can compromise since they are wanting different things. Obviously this is a specific example, but there have got to be men that are ready to get married before women!

 

ETA: Many of us “waiting girls” have timelines, so it’s some reassurance that things are going to happen, it’s just delayed. If there was no serious timeline discussed and we’d been together as long as So and I have (5 years) I probably would have left too! It took a lot of time and heart to heart discusions to get to this point (where engagement is coming soon!) but I didn’t want to give up on a great relationship just because he wasn’t quite there yet.

Post # 4
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I totally agree.  Honestly, I kind of don’t like that my SO has this weird “control” over when I get to start planning my wedding or when we get married.  Why don’t I get to decide that?  Who is to say that he gets this decision?  And why?  It’s actually super frustrating because he told me to start planning, we decided we weren’t doing a ring, and then he told me to stop planning because other things got in the way and then mentioned recently to “wait for a ring.”  Talk about confusion!  And.. why?  Why should I be confused about what’s going on??  Honestly, I should just plan the whole thing and send him an invite and say, “Hope you show up!” LOL

Post # 5
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@love108:  that’s true – I wasn’t ready with any of my exes, but I attributed that to not only where I was in my life but also to the fact that they weren’t “the one”..

Post # 6
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

In theory, a woman can propose. I think that we want to be wanted and need for the guy to want to marry us enough to go through the process, though. So we want to get engaged but also want to be asked, so I can see why it gets difficult. I am sure that there are plenty of guys that want to get married and are waiting… They just don’t hang out here much, I guess!

Post # 7
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If I were the one proposing, we’d be engaged by now for sure. I’d be happy doing the proposing, or skipping the proposal altogether and just making the mutual decision to get engaged, but he insists on proposing with a forever ring (not a placeholder and upgrading later), with his money, which he has to save… so I have to wait. The lack of control is absolutely frustrating, but this is the one thing he gets to do on his terms, and I know it will be worth it in the end.

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I am not at the mercy of my SO when it comes to waiting, I choose to wait to let him have the engagement of his dreams. We talked about marriage mutually and have been privately engaged for a little over a year now. This is a joint effort. We are in this together and we have been making decision together, we just are not telling the world we are engaged until he gets down on his knee and gives the proposal he has always wanted to.

I feel like sometimes “waiting” warps into this weird resentment. I’m waiting because we wanted to make this decision together, just like every other decision we will make for the rest of our lives.

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@oneofthesethings:  The only instance I can think of is my coworker. He wanted to marry her… I am not sure if he was desperate, but she was holding off. Eventually he left her. They were always fighting so I wasn’t surprised.

I think women want to marry more than men do because of biology. If they get pregnant they want a man to be around. This isn’t the only reason, but I think it’s a big one. Definitely one of my reasons lol.

Security too. I don’t like being alone. I like the help of a man. I know I can be independent (lived alone for over a year), but I prefer to be in a relationship. I’m a planner and I don’t like wasting my time. I like to know a relationship is a forever kind of thing.

Post # 12
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@oneofthesethings:  I’ve silently asked that question myself whenever I saw any post come up on the Boards link under Waiting. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to sound snarky and condescending, so I’m glad you brought it up the way you did … because it’s a heck of a lot better way to do it than I would have xD

Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I think that the principle of least interest may apply here.  Whoever is the least interested has the most power.  So if it is the guy who is least interested in marriage, then he has the power to make the girl wait until he is ready. 

Of course this is probably not always true, such as if there are financial reasons, etc. 

Post # 14
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

yeah i was dating a guy before DH and he constantly wanted things to move along quicker and i refused. i just wasnt ready. hes now happily married with chldren.

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