Post # 1
I see a lot of posts on here written by women who seem to be (more or less) patiently waiting for their boyfriends to propose, and I can’t help asking myself why they don’t just bring it up.
My husband and I just discussed the pros and cons of getting married (including the emotional and ritualistic sides- not just the legal advantages), and decided that it was something we wanted to do. It was a joint decision.
I guess I just find it strange how normally strong, independent women suddenly fall back into submissive roles when it comes to marriage.
Post # 3
@Casimir23: I’d have no problem with us mutually agreeing that we were “officially engaged” but he’s the one who wants to make it a special surprise. So I’m not objecting.
Post # 4
I’m not in this situation, but based on what I’ve seen during my time on the Bee…
A lot of women DO bring it up. Often. I think usually the problem is that the woman is ready/willing to be engaged, and the man isn’t (at least not yet) for whatever reason.
Man or woman, it’s difficult to get engaged unless it’s mutual on both ends.
And really, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be proposed to. Some women do propose themselves, but most women would like to be asked. And some men would just be extremely averse to being proposed to instead of doing the proposing.
Post # 5
@Casimir23: i dont think its about women being submissive its more about traditions and the way its been done. im in no way a submissive women but when it came down to a proposal i personally feel its up to the man to ask a womens hand in marrage with a symbol of his love.
Post # 6
I’m with you. We discussed it and had his grandmothers ring redone together. Then, we talked to my parents about It together. He still did a “proposal”, but I did not have to wait around for it. The day the ring was ready he just said something sweet and formally asked me before he gave it to me.
Post # 7
We are planning our wedding. We know we will be together for the rest of our lives. There was never an official engagement I don’t have a ring. And that’s important to him. He is having one made. It is important to him. And I sort of cant wait to see him on that moment. <3
Post # 8
FH and I knew we would get married from ages 16/19.
Once you have discussed it (like the OP was talking about) I think it is fair to say that many women consider a proposal/ring the next step. It feels more ‘official’ to tell friends/family that you were proposed to on such-and-such day with THIS ring and here are the photos to prove it. As opposed to “well yeah we’ve just been gradually talking about marriage for the past year…didn’t you hear?” Haha
Post # 10
He didn’t consider us engaged until he asked me to marry him with a ring in hand. He had “asked” many, many times before. We had a tentative date set. It was just important to him that there was a ring involved.
Post # 11
Maybe their FI indicated a strong desire to be the one to ask.
My FI wanted to do it… it was a pride thing for him, to do it “right” (ask our parents for their blessing, risking their refusal, get a ring, figure all that out about how to pick the right ring for the moment, get down on one knee and put it all on the line, risking my refusal… and all that). It made him feel he was being a man…facing these challenges men before him have faced. I had no problem letting him do that. We have a very egalitarian relationship overall.
That said, I was never angstfully waiting for him to propose… If that were the case, I think I would have proposed. I’m not helpless.
Post # 12
We did have conversations about how we knew we were going to get married so it was like we were always engaged, but he still wanted to propose to me and he did a very good job. I thought I would have cried though. I guess I was just in too much shock.
Post # 13
My husband really wanted to propose because he is very traditional, a lot more than I am. We discussed marriage very early on and made the mutual decision to get married, and we even pretty much set a date. Then he took half a year to find a ring and plan a proposal. I would have been fine without a formal proposal or ring, but I knew he wanted to surprise me with it. It was wonderful and romantic. It didn’t bother me that I had to wait to be officially engaged even though we had already decided to get married.
Post # 14
@Casimir23: I’m waiting but my SO and I have discussed it and mutually decided on a time when our finances would allow for a proper ring. I’m not just sitting around wringing my hands hoping he wants to marry me. I know he does. I also don’t feel like I’ve suddenly become submissive or less independent just because I’m not the one doing the proposing. My SO and I are still equals in this process.
So did you propose to your husband or forgo the ring?
Post # 15
@Casimir23: My SO and I have discussed all the reasons we want to get married, finances, timing, etc. I still want him to ask just like when he asks what I want for my birthday and I tell him, I still want him to wrap it up and give it to me.
Post # 16
@MexiPino: LOL, that’s a great metaphor!