(Closed) Why is it so important to get a formal proposal?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee

@Casimir23:  I’d have no problem with us mutually agreeing that we were “officially engaged” but he’s the one who wants to make it a special surprise. So I’m not objecting.

Post # 4
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m not in this situation, but based on what I’ve seen during my time on the Bee…

A lot of women DO bring it up. Often. I think usually the problem is that the woman is ready/willing to be engaged, and the man isn’t (at least not yet) for whatever reason.

Man or woman, it’s difficult to get engaged unless it’s mutual on both ends. 

And really, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be proposed to. Some women do propose themselves, but most women would like to be asked. And some men would just be extremely averse to being proposed to instead of doing the proposing.

Post # 5
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Casimir23:  i dont think its about women being submissive its more about traditions and the way its been done. im in no way a submissive women but when it came down to a proposal i personally feel its up to the man to ask a womens hand in marrage with a symbol of his love.

 

Post # 6
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m with you. We discussed it and had his grandmothers ring redone together. Then, we talked to my parents about It together. He still did a “proposal”, but I did not have to wait around for it. The day the ring was ready he just said something sweet and formally asked me before he gave it to me. 

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We are planning our wedding. We know we will be together for the rest of our lives. There was never an official engagement  I don’t have a ring. And that’s important to him. He is having one made. It is important to him. And I sort of cant wait to see him on that moment. <3

 

Post # 8
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

FH and I knew we would get married from ages 16/19.

Once you have discussed it (like the OP was talking about) I think it is fair to say that many women consider a proposal/ring the next step. It feels more ‘official’ to tell friends/family that you were proposed to on such-and-such day with THIS ring and here are the photos to prove it. As opposed to “well yeah we’ve just been gradually talking about marriage for the past year…didn’t you hear?” Haha

Post # 10
Member
4729 posts
Honey bee

He didn’t consider us engaged until he asked me to marry him with a ring in hand. He had “asked” many, many times before. We had a tentative date set. It was just important to him that there was a ring involved. 

Post # 11
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe their FI indicated a strong desire to be the one to ask.

My FI wanted to do it… it was a pride thing for him, to do it “right” (ask our parents for their blessing, risking their refusal, get a ring, figure all that out about how to pick the right ring for the moment, get down on one knee and put it all on the line, risking my refusal… and all that). It made him feel he was being a man…facing these challenges men before him have faced. I had no problem letting him do that. We have a very egalitarian relationship overall.

That said, I was never angstfully waiting for him to propose… If that were the case, I think I would have proposed. I’m not helpless.

Post # 12
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

We did have conversations about how we knew we were going to get married so it was like we were always engaged, but he still wanted to propose to me and he did a very good job. I thought I would have cried though. I guess I was just in too much shock.

Post # 13
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My husband really wanted to propose because he is very traditional, a lot more than I am.  We discussed marriage very early on and made the mutual decision to get married, and we even pretty much set a date.  Then he took half a year to find a ring and plan a proposal.  I would have been fine without a formal proposal or ring, but I knew he wanted to surprise me with it.  It was wonderful and romantic.  It didn’t bother me that I had to wait to be officially engaged even though we had already decided to get married. 

Post # 14
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@rachelmichelle:  +1. 

 

@Casimir23:  I’m waiting but my SO and I have discussed it and mutually decided on a time when our finances would allow for a proper ring. I’m not just sitting around wringing my hands hoping he wants to marry me. I know he does. I also don’t feel like I’ve suddenly become submissive or less independent just because I’m not the one doing the proposing. My SO and I are still equals in this process.

 

So did you propose to your husband or forgo the ring? 

 

Post # 15
Member
7239 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Casimir23:  My SO and I have discussed all the reasons we want to get married, finances, timing, etc. I still want him to ask just like when he asks what I want for my birthday and I tell him, I still want him to wrap it up and give it to me.

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