Weddingbee boards

So strange that I come across your post tonight as my fiance is out of town at his "bro reunion" aka bachelor party.  I share your sentiments on this topic completely. In fact, I recently had this conversation with my coworkers and they all thought I was just being jealous and silly.

First I would like to say that I trust my FH 100%, it's his friends that I find myself doubting (but that's a completely different topic). I just truly don't understand some of societies traditions. Who thought it was a good idea to start a marriage with temptation? What sort of foundation is that to build from?

So I decided I really wasn't good with this sort of party at this point in our relationship, the time for him to behave that way was already gone. I made my requests, and it's a good thing I'm marrying a gentleman.  Although he first tried to convince me of the innocence of the situation, when I refused to buy it, he really went out of his way to plan a party that involved manly things like paintball, archery and rock climbing without any naked women. I'm sure his friends still have a few antics up their sleeves, but I know that he will make good decisions and he respected me enough to change the entire party plan.

It's unfortunate that your fiance's family is in agreement with the whole thing, because in all honesty it was my fiance's family who probably won this argument for me!

Well, I think there re a few basic falacies with your argument. 

First, the notion that it is somehow "socially acceptable" for men to do this, as though it is not socially acceptable for women.  Not true.  Bachelorett parties are just as common these days as bachelor parties, and it is every bit as "socially acceptable" for them to get raunchy and include a strip club.

Secondly, the argument that women are just trying to "prove that they're not insecure" by going to strip clubs seems a vast overgeneralization, and arguing that men should have to prove themselves similarly by going to male strip clubs seems to deliberately miss the obvious.   Some women genuinely don't have a probem with female strip clubs.  And women can oftentimes appreciate attractive women.  We don't draw the same connotations about our sexuality from it, nor does the rest of the world.  We can remark on a woman being beautiful, we can enjoy that beauty, the sex appeal, all without a single question ever being raised about our sexuality.  The same scenario is not true for men.  If anything, the societal burden in this arena does not fall on women, but on men.  Regardless, women are still free to enjoy themselves at a female strip club.

All that being said, I absolutely agree that if a woman has a real problem with her partner going to a strip club, then he should definitely respect her feelings.  But, on the flip side, I think that if this isn't a particularly big deal for a woman, then she is not wrong is not letting this be some kind of battle.  The argument that your partner should "respect" your feelings and wishes goes both ways.  Relationships are about compromise.  And many people do not share your strong opinions on this, nor should they be criticized for feeling differently.