Post # 1
OK, so it has come up on the boards that it is rude or bad manners to ask if someone’s stone/ring is a diamond. Why, how can you ask what a clear stone is if you really want to know because you like it and want one?
If I saw someone with a lovely light blue stone in a ring I would ask “is that an aquamarine/topaz/sapphire”, or an orange stone if it was a citrine/sapphire or a green stone peridot/emerald. The list can go on.
I have never seen a moissanite in real life and would LOVE to! How would I know unless I asked?
It’s easy to see how no one would be offended if I asked “what a lovely ring, is that aquamarine or blue topaz?”
But all of a sudden it is bad manners if the stone is clear in color. “What a lovely ring, is that a diamond/moissanite/CZ/sapphire?”
It is obvious sometimes that the stone is not a diamond, but if it looks nice and I would like something with the same look what can’t I ask? Or better yet how can I ask!
I have two sets of CZ studs, if I get a complement on them about “what nice diamond studs you have” I just say “oh these are CZ’s, don’t they look great?”
*****I would like to make it clear I don’t mean ask in a mean or underhanded way. I know some girls will be snarky when they say “oh is that a CZ/Moissanite” or “is that real”? I mean ask in a honest way what the clear stone is when complementing a ring or whatever.
Post # 3
@Zozye: I imagine it is becasue you’re prying into the cost of the ring. Some people try to pass CZ mozzie off as dimonds and this makes for a very awkward conversation.
You wouldn’t ask a lady with a LV bag if it is real or fake so why would you ask about her jewerlry?
Post # 4
@Zozye: Maybe something like: “Oh, your stone is gorgeous! Is it a diamond? I’ve been hearing so much about this other stone called a moissannite that looks really similar, and I keep hoping I’ll bump into someone so I can see one in person! Do you know anyone who has a moissanite?” I think that comes across as curious instead of judgmental…
Post # 5
I believe the difference lies with the difference in price. Diamonds are significantly more expensive – asking someone if they have a diamond allows you a look into how much money is worn on their hand. And if it’s not a diamond and it’s being passed off as one, you’re clearly embarrassing that person and likely causing them to feel judged.
I don’t have any advice on how to ask someone if what they’re wearing is a moissanite. The advice I have is finding a store that carries it, a jeweler who can get one for you, or ordering one online and returning it if it isn’t to your liking.
I have a diamond and I would be really uncomfortable if someone asked if it was “real” – I don’t need to be judged by the amount of money (or if it wasn’t a diamond, the lack of the amount of money) that my FI spent on a gift for me and the piece of jewelry I wear on a daily basis.
Post # 6
@Zozye: I don’t think anything is wrong with asking, like you said we ask about different color stones, why should it matter with clear stones? I think it depends upon the matter in which it was asked. For instance if someone was clearly being snarky, or nosey about cost I might find it offensive, but if they are just asking like you mentioned…I have no problem with it. Tact is everything. I also feel some women are particularly sensitive to the subject, from what I’ve seen on here anyway.
Post # 7
It’s a touchy subject when it comes to diamonds. If someone asked me if I had a real diamond (if they used words *other* than exactly how @Jijitattoo suggested), I would be a bit offended. I’d likely assume they are looking for a way to either make me feel bad or make themselves feel superior. It’s so status-y.
Post # 8
There is nothing wrong with asking what kind of stone a person has.
If the person get offended it’s because they assume the worst in people and becaues they probably judge others just as much so automatically assume they’re being judged.
Honestly – some people just WAIT for a chance to be offended.
Post # 9
@skippydarling: AMENNNN especially here on the bee.
Honestly- some people jsut wait for a chance to be offended.
Post # 10
I think part of it comes from the fact that diamonds are both the traditional stone for engagement rings and incredibly expensive relative to other gemstones. So by asking if it’s a diamond, maybe some people take that as a personal shot, as if they are subliminally questioning whether they/their FI can afford it. I personally don’t think the question ‘is it a diamond’ is in itself rude, but people have various sensitivities on the topic, so it might be impolite to ask the question anyways because of that.
I agree, I do wish that there was a better way of asking that question. I too would love to see a moissanite in person, I’m quite curious about how they look like.
Just to add, if you’re referencing the thread I think you are, I do think it’s rude when people ask ‘is it real?’. Phrasing the question that way is more into the ‘personal shot’ category IMO, whether intentional or not.
Post # 11
There are a lot of reasons why it’s considered a “rude” question. It can be interpreted as “prying” into the cost, some people try to “pass off” stones, others are very private about their wedding rings and do not want to discuss materials or prices at all.
Also, if you ask what is that/is that real/what kind of stone is that and it is a diamond, you may make the wearer of that stone self conscious about their diamond. Esp if you ask someone with a warm diamond if it’s a moissanite, that could offend some people. My MIL has a very warm diamond (probably like N-O) and I know she’s a little self conscious about it, so if someone asked her what stone she had she’d be upset.
Post # 12
My mother taught me it was bad manners to ask if a diamond (or what looks like a diamond) is “real” or not. I learned that lesson the hard way when I was about 12.
Post # 13
Because you’re basically asking “How much did you pay?”
Post # 14
@Jijitattoo: That is great wording!
@Atalanta: I dissagree with the Louis Vuitton analogy, I would never ask; if the bag isnt real they are obviously wanting people to think it is other wise why buy a bag with the name. With a clear stone it is not necessarily trying to be passed as a diamond.
Post # 15
I totally believe that asking the sole question of “Is it real?” is very insulting! To most people, not having a diamond engagement ring is very taboo and looked down upon! Especially if it’s CZ.
If it’s obvious that it’s not a diamond or a “typical” (for example, if it looks to be emerald, sapphire, mossiante, etc) diamond then IMO it’s appropriate to ask “Oh, what type of stone is that?!” Which then leaves the option open for discussion instead of defense. Even if you suspect it’s CZ, I feel like that’s a better question. And as always, tone dictates everything.
Post # 16
@Zozye: A majority of the time I just ask where they bought it, how they designed it and so on. It gives the girl a chance to talk excitedly about designing it or brag on her FI. I can’t think of a time where I ever asked directly.
Then again I probably could ask what it was because everyone who knows me know I’m nuts for any type of sparkly thing and I have everything from cz, simulants and lab stones to natural and treatment free more expensive stones and I wear them all pretty equally.
I think for the most part, its just the way you ask. While some people are easily offended, most aren’t and can tell when someone is trying to be condescending or derogative. If you’re asking from a sincere place I think most people can tell.