Post # 1
ARG! I just spoke to my dad on the phone briefly after not talking for almost a year and we got into a fight! He called to ask me to come to his birthday dinner. I said we wouldn’t be able to (fiance has to work and besides the point I don’t want to go because of our history). He got mad and told me that he’s living his life and I’m stuck in the past and am acting like a baby. I told him that its incredibly frustrating because we are constantly in this cycle of disagreement with him later pretending nothing happened. There’s never any resolution and then he goes and does another jerky thing.Plus I don’t think he wants us there because he really wants us there, but wants to potray the image that we are a happy family and he’s a good father.
History: My dad has a bad track record. Him and my mom had a bad divorce and don’t get along so for years I have been in the middle of that baloney. But proably the thing that I hold most against him is the fact that his girlfriend (for ten years) verbally abused me, punished me for any and every thing, made me do everything around the house despite the fact that she did not work (I mean EVERYTHING), would hit me, and kick me out of the house. HE JUST STOOD BY AND WATCHED. Not only has he not apologized for standing by and doing nothing to protect me from her, but actually blamed me. Seriously…this lady would call me everything in the book and slap me for something like not closing the shower curtain all the way. Yes, she had major psychological problems (I’m not even kidding, she was formally diagnosed with a number of disorders). On top of that he’s always ridiculed my decisions and tries to control me. There have been other things but you don’t need my life story.
I just want to completely cut ties with him, but keep getting pressure not to. This is coming from people that believe “family is family…you can’t end a relationship with them no matter what they’ve done…you’ll regret it”. I don’t feel that way. If a relationship is toxic, there’s no need to endure it. I’m especially getting pressure to invite him to the wedding.
whew…thanks for letting me have a crazy vent.
Post # 3
Wow I’m sorry you had to experience this. I can identify in a way…long story. If your father can not admit that he wasn’t a good father to you then i understand why you can’t patch it up like it never happened. Hugs
Post # 4
Thanks. I just needed some validation right now. My fiance is at work and I don’t really feel comfortably talking to many people IRL about this.
Post # 5
So sorry. I think you are right about not seeing him. It doesnt sound like he has changed so what would be the point? Sometimes we need to protect ourselves.
Post # 6
wooowww, we are definitely jerk-dad twins….!!!! So sorry.
Post # 7
I made the decision to cut my father out of my life about two weeks ago. He and I got into an enormous fued about a year ago. This is all started when word finally got to me that my father had been telling family members for the past ten years or so that my mother had an affair on him at about the time I was conceived so he doubted he was my biological father. Trust me, he is my biological father.
My parents divorced 30 years ago when I was about 2 and a half. My mother married a great man who pretty much raised me. My bio-father made a few appearences a year but started his own family and moved several states away. After college I made a strong effort to create a closer relationship with him. My father is a difficult man and he has alienated many other family members, but I felt that it was important to have a bond and relationship with him. Well, my reward was this man rejecting me behind my back to my brother, my uncles, my brother-in-law, etc.
Now, when I explain to him how hurtful his statements were and that he needs to apologize for telling anyone who would listen that I am not his daughter, he refuses to acknowledge how I feel. Instead, he goes on and on about how my mother betrayed him and how it ruined his life. It is now evident to me that my father systematically blames everyone else for his problems, no matter how remote the wrong. The things he has said about my mother are horrible but she is the one who has always had my back and been there for me.
So Bambo, if your dad doesn’t have your back, and if he isn’t going to be a positive presence in your life, then do what you need to do. I know I will get grief from various family members for my decision, but its my life and I don’t want it filled with someone else’s bitterness and anger. Oh and he is not going to be invited to my wedding, if and whenever that may be. My stepdad will be walking me down the isle. good luck with everything.
Post # 8
@Bamboo: The people who are telling you this do not understand what you’ve been through. I think you are doing the right things, don’t let other peopl encourage you to do something that’s not RIGHT or HEALTHY for you. Good luck