- 6 years ago
I hate to write this anonymously, but due to the nature of this post I felt that I needed to.
I have been happily married for several months now. DH and I dated for 6 years before we got married. I had one serious boyfriend before DH, he is the only ex that I can say I truly loved. I would have followed him anywhere…I was crazy about him. But he didn’t feel the same, he wasn’t looking for commitment like I was and we eventually ended our 2 year relationship and went our separate ways.
DH knows all about the ex and how heartbroken I was when we broke up. Ex and I talked a few times throughout the years, usually just a brief “how have you been.” Sometimes he would ask me to go see him but I never would. We then lost touch for about 3 years until he contacted me on Facebook and for the first time, sincerely apologized for hurting me in the past. I appreciated that, I always felt that I deserved an apology for some of the things he did.
Soon after, I got engaged and was thrown into the whirlwind of wedding planning. Ex and I chatted from time to time on FB, but the conversations were no different than I would have with any friend. For what it’s worth, DH (then FI) did know that I was in contact with him. One thing that should have been a red flag was when I posted a picture of my engagement ring on FB and I got a message from Ex where he said that my ring was beautiful, so much nicer than he could ever give me. I thought that comment was weird but didn’t think much of it.
Eventually, Ex started reminiscing about our past, which was difficult for me because I associate that time of my life with a lot of hurt…there were good times, but it ended badly. He then started trying to convince me to meet him for a drink (I refused), and finally let go of ALL reservations and told me that he missed me and wished that it could be him that I was marrying. By this point I should have already cut off all contact with him, but I didn’t. He said that he just wished we could have another chance. These words tugged at my heart a little bit, and I was so ASHAMED by this. It was just that I would have given anything to hear him say those things when we were together.
The last straw was when he called me late one night declaring his love for me less than a MONTH before my wedding. I couldn’t handle it. I was already stressed out and his words infuriated me because they were making me feel sad and confused. I told him that I couldn’t talk to him anymore.
I got married and all has been great and uneventful for the better part of a year. Until this weekend…he contacted me again. He called, I answered because I didn’t recognize the number. I told him I was busy and couldn’t talk. He followed with several long texts saying that he was so sorry but he couldn’t stop thinking about me, could we please meet sometime, he just wants to see me, he wishes we could have run away together and gotten married.
I am ashamed of it but he was a big part of my life at one point, and while I should hear his words as empty, I don’t. They make me very emotional when I want to feel NOTHING! I just don’t know what he wants from me. He can’t honestly believe that I would leave my husband for him. Does he WANT to just mess with my head? What is the point in that? Even if his words were sincere, he’s too late.
I have found myself wondering how my life would be if I were still single, would I be giving Ex another chance? I feel that these “what if’s” are a dangerous thing for a married woman.
DH is not too worried about it, he thinks I should just be flattered. But he doesn’t know that the things Ex says affect me at all. I haven’t said too much about it because I don’t want DH to think he needs to be worried.
I’m SO SORRY this is so long—I just haven’t been able to tell ANYONE and I needed to get it all off my chest. If you’re wondering why I haven’t just told Ex to F off yet…it’s because I’m just too nice. But I will probably have to.