(Closed) Why is my mother such a bitch? A fat daughter rant. (Ridiculously long.)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You know what? As long as you are being healthy, who cares what you weigh? I have close friends who are much, MUCH heavier than me, but you know what? They can kick my ass when we go to the gym. One of them can run a half marathon; I have difficulty going a mile, no joke.

Do you feel beautiful? Yes? Does your FI think you look beautiful? Yes?

Then screw your parents. Thankfully, you’re not marrying them and it really doesn’t matter if they are attracted to you.

Also, it’s kind of a reflection on your mom anyway to make comments about your weight as a child- as your parent, she had direct control over what you were being fed anyway. So yes, you’re completely right. Your mom pretty much hates herself and is jealous of you.

Take it as a complement. I’ve only spent 5 minutes reading/listening to you, and I can already tell that you’re fabulous. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouLd have to agree with PP…you sound absolutely FABULOUS! I, too, am extremely fat…fortunately, I have an extraordinary mother who has always supported me and NEVER insulted me…unfortunately, I was subjected to YEARS of bullying from peers as well as my father’s mother constantly telling me that I could be “so pretty if I just…” you know, one of those…

I commend you for being so FRIGGIN spectacular and not letting someone as petty and cruel as your mother and father bring you down…go get ’em, sister! And I look forward to seeing your AWESOME wedding pics and the BEAUTIFUL pictures of you in your dress! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I can’t believe they said that to you! If I were you, I’d lay down an ultimatum with them. They won’t be with you before the wedding. Period. And they won’t be with you on other occasions if they don’t respect you. 

Post # 7
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@ms.sara:  Oh my, I understand and am sending you love and hugs from NZ. You might’ve read my thread the other day about my mother calling me fat. I do know what it feels like to hear those horrible comments. My heart aches for you. You just sound like the most wonderfully self-confident fabulous woman. They are extremely lucky to have such an accomplished daughter, they should be proud to celebrate your special day with you. Your fiance sounds like such a gem! X 

Post # 9
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry that your mother is being that way.  I can not fathom what is going on in her mind to blurt out those hateful things.    As long as your healthy right?  It sounds like you are a lovely person and a smart cookie.  

Post # 10
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Yeah, see at this point, I would have told them they were horrible people, who were shallow and negative and that they could kiss my ass. I’d then tell them that NO they will not be there on the morning of, and if they cannot keep negative opinions to themselves they will not be around you att all, EVER.

I’ve had the reverse happen to me, i’ve been given a hard time (well, maybe not a hard time, but I have been hassled) by family/friends for being underweight, so I know it can be annoying. The only reason I don’t care is because they are truly concerned (not that they need to be, at all), but if someone were to pick on me because they have issues with it, and just not let up, i’d punch them in the throat. Figuratively ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m so sorry that your parents are mean about it. At least you know that your mum is doing it because of her issues and that it isn’t about you. If you were thin, she could have envied you your whole life and things might have been just as bad. She needs to stop taking it out on you. Don’t let your parents near you on the morning of, you do NOT need to feel bad, that day should be nothing but happy for you.

Post # 11
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

dude your parents are being jerks!!! tell them the same as what they are telling you: that they cannot spend the morning with you untill they have changed!! you are an amazing person, who is much more than fat! we all are!! we cant define our lives by how much body fat we have. erghhhhh!! go and shine!! be the best you can be and soak up every part of enjoyment on your wedding day and any other day. also i think you need to tell them to stop their behaviour. that its neither acceptable or going to be tollerated anymore. you deserve great things!!

Post # 12
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Wow. It sounds like you’ve turned out to be a really awesome person, despite your parents.

Surround yourself with as much love as you can on your wedding day. You have every right to decide who you spend your time with. Imagine that your dress is warm, glorious bubble. Anything negative is just going to bounce right off that baby.

I wish I could give you a big hug. And then I’d tell you how proud I am of you. x

Post # 13
Member
4660 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your parents are jerks and you should cut them out if they won’t quit being jerks. It hurts but in the long run it’ll hurt more to keep them close. Warn them… say that you’re removing them from your life if they don’t accept you as you are, period.

No matter what they say, don’t hang around anyone at your wedding who doesn’t support you. 

Post # 14
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

*** her, and don’t have her around on the morning of the wedding. I’m not having my Mum with me in the morning. I’m having my brother babysit her instead. Why surround yourself with difficult people? *** your Dad, too. Don’t let them bully you, because that’s what it is! You also sound like you have a very healthy attitude. Good for you… it’s worth more than gold.

That said… @rachelmichelle:  I just thought I’d play devil’s advocate here, and say that weight does matter, especially if you are a runner, because the more weight you carry, the greater the impact on your knees, hips and shins. I was having this discussion just the other day, and we agreed that most of the people we know who have had severe and debilitating sports injuries have been heavy… either chubby but fit, or super muscular. If you carry extra weight, whether it is fat or muscle, you risk having things snap and pop in your legs. With this said, if OP is not a runner, and her doctor has not told her to lose weight for health reasons, then who cares?

Post # 16
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are not responsible for your mothers (ridiculous) opinions.  If they were motivated by love and health, it would be different. They are not motivated by any of the ‘positive’ emotions.  She has quite a few problems that you, luckily, do not.  Consider yourself incredibly lucky to have escaped upbringing by this toxic environment with very few problems. 

You can’t please her.   You never will be able to please her unless you are ‘thin’ and even then, there would likely be other new problems that would also be deemed unacceptable.  Your mother insists on sharing her delusions with you, not realizing that her negative attention isn’t facilitating her goal of your thinness.  I think you already know you can’t help this situation.  She needs some serious self-exploration and forgiveness and love toward herself for her own perceived shortcomings, and then she needs some sensitivity.
 

Understand that you are heading into a battle.  Either way, she’s going to be angry.  If she spends her morning with you on your wedding day, she’ll be mad you aren’t measuring up to what she thinks you should.  If she’s not there, she’ll be angry that you locked her out of her life.  Ultimately, she did it to herself.  I don’t think you owe her the kindness of overlooking her very bad behavior. On the plus side, (no pun intended ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) you will have a peacefull morning on your wedding day if you do not allow her to ruin it.

I had a lot of conflict with members of my family over the past year (my sister didn’t come to my wedding) and I have learned a lot about assessing ‘real’ conflict, and inflicting my own spin into any perceived injustice toward me.  I run everything that is said to me through a filter, and that is: “If anyone else in the world said these words to me, would it be okay?”.  In my case, i’m often overreacting.  In your case, you are not.  If someone, ANYONE, said those things to me, I would know they were not able to care about me in the way I needed them to, and I would give myself permission to deal with them in the same way I would if it was a non-neutral person:  I would stop allowing them access to me until their behavior indicated that they understood the impact of their ‘helpfulness’. If their behavior never changed, our relationship would never move past the point of polite friendliness.  And that’s quite okay. 

 

It’s your CHOICE to include her, knowing that she cannot be kind, helpful or nurturing to you on your wedding day.  For me, it’s a no-brainer, but if you CHOOSE to override all of your instints about her behavior and what it will do to your happiness on your wedding day, then you are making the CHOICE to be unhappy. 

I wish you luck, and I am glad you have found a partner who is truly worthy of your love, even when your own parents are (often) not.

 

 

 

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