Weddingbee boards

So just before I graduated college, my sister starting dating this guy. Then during when my family came up for graduation, she was all forlorn because she wasn't with him. She whined and complained the whole time. So right after that I went out to Arizona (from western MD) with a friend, when I got to Oklahoma, I got a text from my sister that this guy was in danger of being deported (he was an illegal immigrant from Ireland) and she was going to marry him the day that I pulled into AZ, so obviously I couldn't come to the wedding. Anyway, not even a year later, she finds out he is cheating on her..blah blah, he moves back to Ireland leaving my sister with tons of debt that my parents had to help out with (they are still making payments on the BMW SUV.) Then, a couple of months after that, he moves back to the states and starts living with my sister again. My whole family is like, "uh, what?" That was about a year and a half ago. She has told me all sorts of crap about him, like he said "you need to be skinny enough to fit into my pants before we go to Ireland because I don't want my family to think you are the stereotypical fat American." and that their friends come over just to watch them fight since they have pretty epic fights. Then, about a month ago, my parents told me they got a phone call in the middle of the night that my sister found out he was cheating again (anyone surprised?) and the cops were called. So my dad had to get up and go over there to see what was going on. Then, today, my sisters facebook read "J is the worst hubby, I found out he was messing again." and then after a couple comments "oh, it's so hard to stay mad at him for long." Does "messing" mean he is crapping in his pants or does it mean he is messing around again?

My sister has been in the hospital a couple of times because she tried to kill herself because he was leaving her. and I just do not get it! He's not real bright, he's gotten dui's, he goes out and drinks almost every night, he mooches all of this money off of my parents (my parents have changed their will so that my sister gets almost nothing because they are afraid he is just going to take all the money and run). My sister tells us that he makes good money (he's like a horse trainer I think), but then she has to borrow money for groceries because she's paying all of the bills. and to top it off, I think he like 35-37 and looks older than my parents. I guess it's the accent, but overall, this guy is an ass.

it's no use trying to explain this to my sister, she won't listen to any sort of reason. She just has these rose colored glasses super glued onto her face! I'm really don't want this guy coming to our wedding, but I don't really have a choice....I really wish he would just leave and cut off any contact with her!! She deserves so much better, but just can't see it!!!

If you made it this far, you deserve a medal! Thanks for the vent!

I think this has gone beyond any advice / intervention that you and your family can provide.

What she needs now is professional couple's counselling, but BOTH of them need to commit to going and have the willpower to follow through on what the therapist suggests they work on. From your description, that doesn't seem to be the case.

I guess she eventually needs to wake up to the reality that, yes, this guy can be a jerk sometimes and that its demeaning herself to be constantly apologising for his failures as a husband and partner. But until then, I doubt there is much you can do other than sit grimly through the train wreck. I suppose it's a small mercy they don't have kids that are caught up in this awful cycle?

Thanks for the advice! I just really needed to get all of that off of my chest! It's a whole lot of crazy, and I know she won't listen to any sort of reason.

And yes, Heather25, she was getting help and on a lot of medication a little bit ago. Honestly, I though that the meds were making the situation worse. Now that she's off of them, I'm hoping she'll open her eyes eventually!