(Closed) Why is Sex such a big damn deal…ARGH!!! (Vent)

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s life, and hopefully he’ll come to understand that. We’ve gone to both extremes…sometimes not doing it for a few weeks, and sometimes doing it numerous times a week. It’s all about how you feel and what you have going on in your life. If you’re not feeling it, you can’t force it! If you were sick, that’s completely understandable. A relationship should be based on much more than physical attraction, although it is very important.

Post # 4
Member
46160 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Try for a minute to put yourself in his place. We women are always complaining that men don’t talk about how they are feeling. Then, when he does, you jump all over him.

Sounds like you worked it out, which is good.

Post # 5
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

FI does the same thing to me sometimes. It makes me incredibly frustrated.

Post # 7
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I once took a survey among my girlfriends. a couple times a week is pretty normal for a couple who have been together for more than a few years! and my survey was taken among people who don’t have kids and have plenty of free time!

try to keep an open dialog about sex. I was worried that 1-2 times per week wasn’t enough for my man. I spoke to him about it and reminded him that getting in the mood usually doesn’t happen as often for women. he understands. I occasionally check in with him to see if he’s still happy with our sex life.

Post # 7
Member
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Im with you! FI does the same things…. he gets screaming mad if he doesnt get it at least 3 times a week…. which right now I work full time (M-F) I have a grad class Mon & Tues night til 8pm – get off at 3 and go straigh to class til 8 then come home to get my 3yr old ready  for bed, Wed & THur I tutor til 5 and come home to do hw, take care of the house, dinner & all then by the weekend I want to relax- He didnt have sex til college & was never a very sexual person but I have a 3yr old, Im just at a different point in my “sex life” than him I guess because I just dont care either way anymore…. He says im not showing him I appreciate him or love him when I dont think sex is a way to show those things anyways! It is SOOOOO frusterating. Sex just isnt a priority when I have a million things going on! He got mad that my parents needed help with something at 10pm on a Sat night (he had to work Sun for over time so went to bed around 10) – got mad bc I went to help them instead of saying no so I could then go lay in bed, give him some then go help??? UGH I duno what to do either!

Post # 8
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

My ex used to guilt me into sex. It was horrible and I’d feel so used after.

I think men equate us wanting sex to how hot we find them. Um sorry. Sometimes I just feel fat.

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This stuff is hard to work out, but there will be times in life when you are interested and he isn’t. I would try to have a conversation where you are understanding about how he feels, but make your feelings clear too. If he was just feeling hurt its fine for him to share that, but if his intention was to make you feel guilty or bad for not having sex- thats unacceptable. Guilt-complex sex sucks.

Women often feel “responsible” for their partner’s happiness, especially when it comes to sex because of how we’ve been socialized. If you aren’t in the mood, say so, and move on. I try to do this & if he’s upset I still sometimes feel guilty, but I never have sex just because I feel bad for bumming him out. He’s an adult and can deal with being rejected every now and then.

Post # 11
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Same boat here… I had a Yeast Infection and couldnt and then he was sick and then I got sick and now he has a staph infection so we’ve been pretty much staying apart and its tearing our relationship apart… But he complains OMG I havent had sex is SO long… but in reality its like 3 weeks. I really dont miss it and I sorta feel guilty because he does and I dont 🙁 

Post # 13
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You ever hear that old phrase, “Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love”?  Sad but true.

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you reacted really poorly to him.

I think calmly listening to your partner is vital in a relationship, and it sounds like you basically shut him down and made him feel ridiculous for feeling what he does. Part of good communication is making sure your partner isn’t misinterpreting your nonverbal (and verbal) signals. All this required was a sweet, reassuring talk where you explained your behavior so that he could keep that in mind next time.

But instead, you invalidated him, and round and round we go.

I think you should try talking to him about this again. You haven’t fixed the problem, and now he’s probably insecuse about not only the sex, but about how you view his emotions.

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