- Mrs. Louboutin
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
Bees, I’m at my wit’s ends! I need help!
My parents who are hosting our wedding (and paying for the entire thing) and I are very into proper wedding ettiquette. My FI and his family don’t understand. His family is also from out of state, so any questions/ comments are filtered from his mom, to him, to me, to my parents. His mom has never called my mom to discuss any wedding plans, which isn’t a big deal, but when we first got engaged and my mom called his mother, she didn’t even return the call.
Anyway, fast forward to now. The guest list is set, the invitations are literally being printed as we speak, the envelopes are already with the calligrapher and we keep getting requests to expand the guest list. We are inviting 220 people right now and just over 60% on the guest list are FI’s guests/family.
Last night I had it. I received a request to invite FI’s uncle’s ex-wife’s new husband’s brother and his wife. Did you follow that? It took FI 5 times explaining the connection for me to get it right. The reason being is that they live locally to where our wedding will take place and FI’s family woud like to spend some time with them. Also, the offer to pay their own way was thrown in (their first offer to pick anything up) as well as if it’s “too expensive”, what if they just show up after dinner.
In my mind, this is a breach of so many different ettiquette protocols. FI and I got into a huge fight over this. He agreed that this request was ridiculous, but when I said that it was completely rude for various reasons such as: FI’s mom should have called my parents who are hosting rather than go through him and then me (again), they should not have offered to pay for the 2 additional meals, (FI thinks not offering to pay for the meals is bad ettiquette, where I think its the opposite), and they should not have sprung this on us at this time. In the past two weeks, we have already added 4 more people for them.
FI doesn’t understand wedding ettiquette. Neither does his family. He said that they do things differently in the midwest and that by me complaining about the lack of ettiquette and them putting us in a bad position, I’m basically saying his family has no manners.
I have tried a dozen different ways to explain why there is wedding ettiquette and why its important, but FI just doesn’t get it. Does anyone have any advice that will make sense to him? I’ve tried sending him links to WB, which he won’t read.
My biggest problem is these requests, which should go directly to the people hosting the party aren’t and its causing fights between FI and I because we are put in the middle.