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Love this article: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/13231665/ns/today-weddings/t/want-man-propose-be-bitch/
Definitely going to read the book. I actually read a few chapters in the book store one day, but didn't want to bring it home in case the bf saw it!
I totally subscribe to this philopsophy, which is why I am the way I am (some may have noticed from my previous posts). I completely believe in being confident and in control of my destiny.
I especially like this part....
Imagine a world in which roles were reversed and men cooked for women, picked up socks, and couldn't wait to get married. Pretend you had a boyfriend who owned a hope chest with six lavender bow ties inside that he wanted his groomsmen to wear at the wedding. Picture him getting choked up every time you strolled past a Baby Gap. And that he greeted you at the door wearing silk boxers and cowboy boots, so he could do a pole dance for you. Then add a few ultimatums:
“Where's my ring?” “Why won't you marry me?”
Chances are, you would assume the guy wasn't firing on all cylinders. And then you’d start planning your escape.
Really try to imagine that...definitely changes your perspective! This alone has me thinking twice about my actions. Who wants to seem desperate?!
@Reign14: HAHA! I love this. Some of these waiting threads are so depressing, everyone should read this!
I had to read that book and "Don't be That Girl" for a class in college. They are both interesting reads....as is "It's called a break-up because its broken"
Right before I met my husband (like barely a month before), I read "He's Just Not That Into You." I bought it for my best friend too. What's funny is that some of the advice stuck with and really made sense to me. At the time, I was kind of dating someone else who was interested, but not making any moves, not showing complete interest, dragging his feet. I met my husband on a Thursday, had our first date on that Sunday, and talked in between. He was interested, engaged in our conversations, everything that the book said is good! The other guy called asking to hang out with me on that Friday (after not talking and going on a drinking binge). I said that I had a date on Friday and left it at that. I actually had a date on Saturday. 7 years later, we've been married for almost two years and preparing to TTC. I can thank that book for steering me away a bad situation to my husband!
@KatyElle: Haha they do get depressing.
It helps to read something motivating once in a while. We need those reminders and eye-openers.
After reading the article I have already decided to proceed a little differently with my waiting strategy than originally planned.
@Reign14: Haha. I'd like to shake that author's hand.
Reading some of the waiting threads, it's alarming to me how not in control of their own lives some of these women are.
@KatyElle: I also find them a bit sad - I couldn't imagine having my whole life revolve around trying to be married.
@KatyElle: haha! i agree! I started to realize that reading some posts would literally make me depressed. luckily i checked myself and i'm back to normal lol
@CrystalBlackheart: yea I mean I want to get married but it's more like "when it happens, it happens." of course I've been with my bf 2 yrs, so not too long
but i can understand if you've been waiting ten years or something it would get really hard
I like that book. Another good one is Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.
@Reign14: Love it! I am definitely one of those "different" thinking kinda girls. I am not waiting around for anything. I take life by the reigns and same goes for my relationship with my SO!
I'm defintely one of those off chicks. Even my FH says sometimes I'm to "guy-like" sometimes.
This book is awesome, as is the first one, Why Men Love Bitches. I have both. It definitely helps with the waiting period, you definitely feel better when you read those books. They're fun and empowering. Also kinda helps you get back on track if you've been feeling really down abou waiting. I find, anyway. I've also noticed my SO perk up when I really get going with my hobbies. It's unfortunately fairly easy to get sucked into the waiting 'woe is me' attitude, but sticking to your hobbies and doing your own thing definitely helps take your mind off it.
For anyone concerned about their SOs coming across the books... you can buy ebook versions. You can download it for your PC [you just have to download Adobe Digital Editions] or you can get for the iPhone as well. I've put the links below for you! :)
Its funny because I met my fiance and started that relationship the minute I decided that I was fine where I was in my life- after I bought my own condo, broke up with someone who was wrong for me, and had started a great job that is blossoming into a career. I've always been outspoken and confident about my intelligence, and those were all the things that people used to tell me would scare boys away. My fiance says he loves those things about me. Its great to have the girlfriend who kicks ass and takes names. I actually read the book a few weeks ago, and I guess I'm a "bitch." I have no problem being independent. I found the one the second I didn't need to.
I feel like this article is so ironic...I mean, it's telling us not to go out an please men because they won't want us, but we are obviously reading the article so we can snag us a man that we so deperately want...but in a different way...by being "bitches."
I don't buy into this at all. Sorry, I think this is totally lame. I am me...that's it. I'm sick of all the game playing and strategizing and books being bought by women so we can get the elusive and complex creatures we call "men" to want to marry us. We give men so much power every friggin' time one of these books comes out. Ugh.
I don't know how I feel about this... I am a biatch but maybe I'm more of "That Girl" then I thought...and this article is making me realize it...hmmm....
@BackyardLoveBird: THIS! You said what the other part of my brain was thinking... this seems like just another "Old Cow Syndrome" (from the movie Someone Like You).
@BackyardLoveBird: I don't know, I don't really see it that way. When women insist on marriage and continue to live full lives, instead of just being unhappily waiting, they take back some of their power. That's what books like Why Men Marry Bitches (and to a lesser extent books like The Rules, even though I don't buy into that) are trying to get women to do--stop being doormats and living to please "their" men, and start doing things for themselves. And they help women determine whether or not their dream of having a married life with their particular SO is just a pipe dream.
Women want to get married. We're going to think about it, and want to do what we can (sometimes within reason...sometimes not) to help make that happen. To me, it's better to try and "get" him by reading a book like this and then going back to hobbies, making sure you hang out with other people, taking back your dignity, etc.; than to try and "get" him with a homecooked gourmet dinner, with nudity and saran wrap (or a positive pregnancy stick!) afterwards. At least if you follow the book and things go south, you'll still have who you are after you break up. Saran wrap ladies have to rebuild themselves, sometimes from scratch.
As long as women continue to take doing the proposing off the table, men are going to have some degree of power. If you're letting him string you along for years because you're too scared to bring up the subject, all the while being a wife in everything but name, you're giving them more power than they deserve.
@BackyardLoveBird: I'm sick of all the game playing and strategizing and books being bought by women so we can get the elusive and complex creatures we call "men" to want to marry us.
Agree! I've always been independent and nothing has changed.
@AmuseMeMusically: Yeah, I see your point. But it's not called "Why women who are independent live happy lives." I might be on board if it was called that. The title implies you need to be a bitch to get a man...and the text seems to go along with that. The book's audience is single women who have tried everything else and now they need to realize what they've been doing wrong.
I don't want to "try" to get anyone by doing anything but being me. I'm so sick of reading "men like this, men don't like that." What about WHAT I WANT?!?!? I want to scream that from the rooftops!
@BackyardLoveBird: I haven't read the article, but I own the book. A lot of books DO prescribe manipulative things to do to, but this one is actually sort of an antidote to that. You don't really seem like the target audience, as it seems you already have the kind of attitude the book tells you to have in order to protect yourself while simultaneously being a more appealing marriage prospect.
The kind of women this book targets are the sorts of women who are ALREADY doing things to try and snag a husband--nightly blowjobs, bringing slippers and a newspaper, cleaning his house, etc. Women who AREN'T being themselves, in other words. This book is just saying "Stop that. It's kind of pathetic, and won't work anyways." A lot of advice is really similar to things said all the time on the 'Bee-stop worrying so much about him, and work on yourself. (But obviously if we didn't care at all about the "him" part of the equation, we would be on FashionBee or something.)
The first chapter actually says that the "bitch" concept put forward is way less of the "Mean Girls", cut-you-off-in-traffic, snip-off-your-balls bitchiness, and more of the Babe In Total Control of Herself kind of bitchiness. I think the publishers just wanted to call it that to sell more books, to be honest, but it's somewhat misleading.
@AmuseMeMusically: Okay so this explanation makes me like the idea behind this book more. I've never heard the "Babe In Total Control of Herself" before and that creates a certain context that makes the book seem logical! So, thank you!
@AmuseMeMusically: I appreciate your explanation and I understand what you are saying. I still think these books give men too much power and the authors are making money of poor "doormats." I still think it should be "Why women who are independent women live happy lives," instead of still focusing on "how to get a man." And frankly, men don't know what they want. If a man doesn't want to be with you, he will find a million different reasons you aren't "the one." For every book that tells us to be independent, there are 4 that tell us that men need to be needed. I'm fine with books that tell us to be ourselves, but another thinly disguised "get the man to marry you in these easy 14 steps" books, I can do without.
Don't even get me started on diet books...ugh. And I buy into that crap!
I just wish there was a book called "Seriously, Just Be True to Yourself; It'll Happen the Way Its Supposed To, Trust Me".
Maybe I'm on to something here. I'm going to start writing. See you guys later.
;)
while i understand the idea behind the article, i can't get past the fact that i find "bitch" to be an extremely offensive word. there's not a male equivalent and calling other women or yourself that is kind of labeling yourself as all sorts of things i would rather not get into. it's as if there are now two major female stereotypes, one of them the 1950's housewife, and the other one being the rude, in-your-face-about-everything bitch. and i gotta say, at least the housewife doesn't go out of her way to be mean to people.
that being said, i think the title and society's views of women need an overhaul. if the author's intentions are not to back up the new female stereotype of treating men like objects (ala everything i've heard about sex in the city), she may wish to reword her article. i guess the problem to be addressed in the article is simply: don't forget who you are to please someone else, so why bring in bitches at all? those only make me think of mean girls who are manipulative and catty (and a bad image for the rest of us).
why can't we all just be people who act according to who we are and not previously established gender roles?
/rant. sorry about that! had to get it off my chest after letting it steam in there for sometime. XD
@AmuseMeMusically: Team Fortress 2. My Etsy Icon, however, is Marigold :) I think she and Hanners are my favorite.
great article, but I would not really call a motivated successful independant woman a bitch. Kind of a stretch I think, there are bitches in this world and they are terrible people who use and abuse. Word gets out about them and men want nothing to do with them. Then there are good hearted women who happen to be able to take care of themselves and don't need a man make them the complete package. Those are women are the catch and they aren't bitches.
I think some of you are reading into the title way too much. It was probably the author's attempt to revolutionize the word and put a positive spin on it. To me "bitch" in this context means a woman who takes control of her life, and nothing more.
Ha... so funny, I own both of her books "Why Men Love B*tches" and "Why Men Marry B*tches"!
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