Post # 1
I had this link to an excerpt from the book “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” saved to my email and I came across it this morning. I know people have referenced this book on the board. I thought some bees may like a preview if they’ve not already bought/read it. I found some parts to be very eye opening, although again, every personal case is different, he’s just writing in the general sense.
Post # 3
The thing about bald and heavy guys is sad. =(
Post # 4
@MariaW: I don’t think it’s sad, it’s just the truth! When men have to work a lot harder for female attention, they’re going to want to throw the towel in on having to try all the time.
I would be very curious to know what the rate of divorce is for these men who are so eager to stop having to try all the time. I dated a very overweight guy for a while and the hang ups he had about it colored everything in his life. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone with hangups like that really being able to commit to someone else.
Post # 5
So interesting, I only got halfway through but I’d love to read the whole thing.
I definitely agree with some men are just not marrying types and will never marry. THat’s my ex! Too many women (including myself when I dated him) think “I’ll be the girl to change him” It doesn’t matter how awseome you are, you’re not going to change that guy’s mind about getting married.
The part about stopping going to the “singles scene” before meeting your wife definitely rang true for my Fiance. He still went out but he always says it was “different”.
Post # 6
I think that people should never get married because they think that doing so will change things (I mean, besides changing things like living together, and other obvious stuff). I’ve had friends get married thinking that the guy would change after they got married because that’s what he told them, and it’s never gone well.
Also if a guy tells you he doesn’t want to get married? It’s probably true.
Post # 7
This book is amazing. Waiting bees, get it!
In fact, if one of you wants my copy, I’d be more than happy to mail it to you!
Post # 8
@MariaW: i dont think its true in most cases when a guy says “i dont want to get married” or “im not sure if i want to marry” the translation is ‘i dont want want to marry you’
i’ve seen guys say things like that, only to marry the next woman they get involved with.
Post # 9
@NickiBee: True, but there are also some that say it and girl after girl comes along hoping to change said guy when he’s told them explicitly he doesn’t want to get married.
Post # 10
Okay, I’m already married, but I found a lot of the statistics from this book true. But even more interesting was the fact that I (as a woman) also followed this same life trajectory. I have a graduate degree, worked for a few years and dated a lot (sewed my wild oats), and didn’t get interested in marriage until I was about 30.
So maybe it’s similar for women?
From the book:
DATE ONLY THE MARRYING KIND
To dramatically increase your chances of marrying you must seek out and date the marrying kind.
Statistical Truths About the Marrying Kind
- Most men will not even consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment. For 80 percent of high school graduates, the minimum age of commitment is twenty-three, whereas for 80 percent of college graduates, it’s twenty-six.
- The high-commitment period for most college-educated men is from ages twenty-eight to thirty-three.
- For men who go to graduate school-doctors, lawyers, and the like-the high-commitment period runs from thirty to thirty-six.
- After age thirty-seven or thirty-eight, the chance that a man will commit diminishes. After forty-three, it diminishes even more.
- Most men think sowing their wild oats is a rite of passage and will not even contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years.
- Men are most likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene.
- Men have biological clocks. They want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball, and to do the male-bonding thing.
- Men who look at marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain are not likely to marry-nor are they good prospects. Run…fast.
- Men whose parents divorced when they were young are often gun-shy about marrying.
- Men often marry women whose backgrounds- religion, politics, values, socioeconomic status- match theirs.
- Men who have their own places and have lived as independent, self-supporting adults are more likely to marry.
- Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry.
- If a man over the age of forty has been married before, he is more likely to marry than a forty-year-old man who has never been married.
- If you wish to facilitate a trip to the altar, meet and date only the marrying kind!
Post # 11
I used to read a lot of these books when I was single and dating. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong, that their was something I needed to change about me and that these guys would treat me properly and commit. Turns out the only thing that I needed to change was the creeps I was dating. That’s the thing I love about my relationship with my husband: for the most part, it is easy. I didn’t have to badger him to settle down, he just realized how great he had it and eventually put a ring on it. Yes, I nagged a little, but there were no sleepless, crying nights. The guys prior to him made me cry—-a lot. I now have a rule: if a man makes me cry frequently then I need to move on. Anyway, I just hope that every woman who reads this ramble realizes how fabulous she is. Don’t change a single hair on your head for a man who isn’t worth it
Post # 12
@MariaW: true. i said most cases. the guys youve described ive noticed are older, in their 30s, 40s + never married, the perpetual bachelor types who are stuck in their ways. i believe this is in the book the PP is talking about as well. they are less likely to marry.
Post # 13
@RedAngelDreamer: I wholeheartedly disagree with the overweight men statement, Fiance is overweight, has been all his life. He does have issues with it, but is definitely ready to commit to me 🙂
We started dating when we were 18.
ETA: He had only dated one girl before me, he was with his ex for almost a year. I had two boyfriends before him, one I dated for five and a half months, the other for two and a half. He finished high school but hasn’t gone to university yet, I have done a Bachelor’s, about to start a Graduate degree. We are both 22, we knew we were right for each other after just a couple of months and he proposed on our 3yr anniversary in January.
Post # 14
@carolsdaughter: You’re right: to the right guy, you don’t need to change your core self! All the other men I dated before, they would date me for a long period of time, but not commit. There was always some “problem.” Not with my guy now! As soon as he felt we were compatible, he snatched me up quick, fast, and in a hurry! The right man isn’t going to leave any doubt in anyone’s mind, and he’s not going to give anyone the chance to steal you away. You’re a precious woman worth pursuing to the man of your dreams.
Post # 15
@Jacqui90: you should read the article. Your Fiance might illustrate their point exactly. You say he has finished HS but did not go to uni. Usually, a man in that category would feel “ready” around age 23. But the article also states that statistically men who are balding or overweight will be ready earlier, because from anecdotal evidence they have more trouble pulling women, so tire of the dating scene Faster. So…an overweight guy whose highest level off education would feel ready for marriage (statistically) around age 21 or 22. Your Fiance proposed to you and is 22 now, no?
so he seems like a good example.
(Edit)unless you are just disagreeing with th pp’s comment about divorce and overweight men. On that…I would think that (just making conjectures here, not talking about your fiancée) that maybe overweight men would be more likely to stay with their partner and not divorce, since again….they dn’t want to compete with younger, fitter men who can date more easily I they were to divorce.
Post # 16
@BookGirrl: I read it, I misunderstood, I thought it said they were more likely to give up earlier and stop looking, and just stay single.