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I find myself asking this question more and more lately. I suppose I've grown more aware and concerned with the political, social, and environmental issues surrounding the diamond mining process, as well as the industry as a whole. I hate to think that someone's life was impacted negatively in order for me to obtain my desired wedding jewelry. I also feel bad when my SO are e-ring browsing, and I gush over a relatively modest ring, only to uncover, with guilt, the $7,800 price tag. Affordable for us or not, I guess I just don't feel 100% comfortable with him handing over that much money for a piece of jewelry.
That said, I have put forth a great deal of effort into researching moissanite, and have been greatly pleased by the cost, look, and quality of the gem.
.....And yet I still have reservations and daydream about diamonds. I guess my reasons are a little shallow and maybe even misguided. What if people make judgements on my FI, and assume that he's not financially secure or mindful enough to offer me a diamond? What if people admire my ring, only to quickly change my mind when they find out it's another gem? These are the questions that secretly haunt my dreams, haha.
So, bees: Was it crucial that you had a diamond engagement ring? Did you not care either way? Or were you firm on having a non-diamond alternative? Why or why not?
P.S. I mean no harm by this post, make absolutely no judgement, and think you all have lovely, flawless rings.
it doesn't have to be..
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/non-diamond-engagement-rings
there are a TON of beautiful non diamond rings in the thread. But get what you want... you don't want to regret it!
It wasn't crucial that I have a diamond engagement ring. I opted for something different because I didn't want Mr. S to have to take out loans to buy my ring. When we were looking, we just looked at everything. I fell in love with the one we ended up buying, and I wouldn't change it at all, budget or no budget.
(my engagement ring on top of my wedding band. engagement ring: tiffany & co., wedding band: custom from a local jeweler)
I felt the same as you. Rationally I didn't want a diamond. Emotionally I did. In my everyday life I'm pretty rational.... but for something like a ring that is inherently emotional, I decided to get what I want and not feel badly about it. However it must be said, my FI really wanted to buy a diamond ring, so i didn't feel badly about that aspect at all. If he didn't support it, I'd probably feel differently
It doesn't have to be! People will probably give you "the look" when they find out that's an engagement ring, but I wouldn't trade my ring for anything.
Yeah, it is a little annoying on occasion to have the "Oh, that's your engagement ring?" conversation, but whatever. People will get the memo eventually.
I would have been happy with another stone. I considered a (blue) sapphire for quite a while. I did end up going with a diamond, but a much smaller one than I think it typical. Really the only reason we didn't do the sapphire was we couldn't find one that we liked. I think whatever you choose, it needs to be something that you will love both for it's looks and for all the moral associations around it. What you absolutely don't need to worry about is what other people think. If people are judging you or your FI based on the ring, then those are people who you would be better off not being associated with.
Seriously, I doubt anyone would ever say anything critical to you, but if they did, you could always reply "Thank you for showing me your true colors. Now that I know how you really feel, I'll know not to deal with you in the future." because that's all the respect someone like that deserves. But in reality people will probably say things like "oh it's not a diamond? That's so cool and unique! So what is moissanite anyway?" in which case you can get to start a cool conversation with someone about all the things you thought about when buying your ring.
Another option if you can't get diamonds out of your mind (I get that!) would be to look for an antique ring. It would have so much cool character. Or you could look for a used or antique ring and just take the stone to put in a new setting. Then you avoid all the mining issues but still get your diamond.
There are a lot of options, and you shouldn't feel bad about whatever you choose. People use all kinds of stones and rings today. So don't worry about being seen as weird or anything for your choice, you're not alone!
My ring is a man-made diamond, which I think is awesome! R said when he bought he was told that it would appraise for as much as a naturally made diamond. I'm not an expert, but I don't see a difference. It's still beautiful and the fact that the love of my life gave it to me as a symbol of his commitment and love for me makes all the difference.
My sister's engagement ring was a ring my brother-in-law had gotten in the Middle East and had belonged to a Saudi prince. And I don't remember where I read it but, the different stones can mean different things. I think Sapphire is for a long and happy marriage.
If you truly want a diamond, but don't want to pay the cost of it and have politcal reasons, you could always check out some antique stores or estate sales.
Tons of people get engagement rings with other gemstones instead or with none at all. The people dictating what your ring is "supposed to" be have no business talking since they will not be wearing it. Get whatever you want and don't pay attention to anyone else.
My MIL's partner's daughter has a ruby. She openly says when people admire it "I asked for a ruby since I am bothered by the diamond mining issues." No one will judge you on that! I just hoped she wasn't judging me for not minding the issues and being happy with my diamond.
If you end up with a stone that's diamond-looking you should just thank people when they admire it and if they start asking about it tell them what it is and why you and FI picked it. Anyone who judges you is BONKERS.
It's whatever you and your FI want! Who cares what people say or think! The one thing I have learned in life is people are always going to have something to say..its too big, its too small, its not a diamond..WHO CARES! The only thing that matters is you love your ring! :) Good luck!
The attitudes some people get over diamond e-rings is just crazy! So judgmental and narrow-minded. People use reasoning like this:
1. If you get a diamond substitute (meaning, anything that isn't a diamond), you're only getting it because you're cheap or as a placeholder. Or you are horribly confused about what you really want.
2. The only true e-rings are diamond solitaires. Anything else doesn't "look" like an e-ring. So if you wear any other stone on your left ring finger, it is impossible to process the meaning of the ring. Does. Not. Compute.
3. Diamonds are the best stone! Therefore, they are the only stone you should get (well, except sapphires and aquamarines. Maybe.). Why is diamond the best? Erm. Uh. Sparkle. Shiny. *mumbles something about hardness*
4. The bigger the better. But not too big, because then you just look fake, and you don't want to look like you have something other than a diamond! Heaven forbid!
5. Conversely; the smaller the stone, the more socially conscientious and super savvy the wearer. Curse you, big bad diamond industry!
6. Diamonds are colorless, so they will match anything! You want everything to match, don't you? You have good taste, right? *insert hairy eyeball*
7. DIAMONDS SPARKLE, DAMNIT.
I want an emerald. Which earns a lot of hairy eyeballs. Sometimes I worry that maybe I am missing the mysterious sparkle memo; but I know that whatever my SO gets, it's going to be gorgeous, and his fabulous taste will shut the naysayers right up. :)
Lots of people just don't know a lot about gems or jewelry and can't appreciate anything different. In a sense, many are jewelery color blind. They only see in diamonds and white gold. No red, blue, green, orange, yellow, black, gold, rose, pink, purple. They get on people's cases about synthetic stones "looking" like a diamond, but they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a red garnet and ruby or emerald and tourmaline.
Basically, it's ridiculous. Do what you want. Save your money for something you really care about. :)
@Minutiae - Bwahahaha. You seriously made me spit out my ginger ale, almost pelting the laptop screen. I agree on all levels.
Thank you, to each and every one of you, who have been replying with pictures of your gorgeous non-traditional stones, stories of how you made your decision, and other tid bits of much needed advice. =)
I feel like there is a degree of diamond-bashing on weddingbee sometimes.
Aside from the fact that my true love for my e-ring is for what it symbolizes (my FI, love, our future, etc)...
I love my diamond ring because it is sparkly, gorgeous and what I always imagined and I am completely unapologetic for it. Yes, I am very aware of the diamond mining business, mine was sourced from an ethical mine and has a certificate to prove it.
@Minutiae- I am not narrow-minded and I certainly don't judge other people's rings, I just love diamonds.
An e-ring is whatever type of ring the couple wants it to be. There is no "rule" that is has to be a diamond.
@PinkPinstripes - Hmm..I haven't noticing too much bashing, but perhaps I'm not uncovering those particular threads. I have viewed the non-diamond engagement ring thread, but didn't notice any negativity towards diamonds.
However, I truly hope that my post didn't declare an anti-diamond mindset. With all hesitations considered, I must say that I still find myself gazing at diamonds and sighing. I just wanted the opinions of others, as most of my engaged friends have diamond sparklers, and the majority of the "post your ring" threads that I've viewed here have been overwhelmingly diamond centered. i apologize if I came off as bashing diamonds, though!
p.s. i still heart diamonds, even though my engagement ring isn't diamond. my wedding band is diamond, just cause that's what we wanted (and, again, could afford without a loan!) so yay for both sides.
@izziebear- my apologies, I didn't mean to come across as saying this thread was "bashing" diamonds! I just meant to give my opinion.
Non-diamond rings are just a gorgeous and meaningful. I recommend doing some window shopping and research and see what you like the most! There are so many, many options out there!
ps- no one would ever judge you or FI if you went with an "untraditional" stone. And those who do, aren't worth your time anyway. I know that's easier said than done but there it is.
I went for a non-diamond ring, because, well, I don't know really. I had some ethical concerns about diamond mining practices as well, but pretty much, it was just that gemstone rings made my heart jump more than any diamond I saw. And, obviously, I don't have a grudge against diamonds, since my ring has a lot of pave. Also, if you're considering a gemstone ring due to cost, I will tell you that my center stone and setting is far, far, far bigger and blingier than what we could ever afford by purchasing a diamond center.
I have gotten some negative comments/judgment about having an aquamarine center stone (one of my relatives went so far as to laugh right in my face about it), but I just really don't care. I love my ring so much, and feel so confident about our choice, that all that just rolls off my back. Picking an engagement ring is a big decision, both financially and emotionally, and I think that you should go for whatever option you're really confident about, and really love. If that's a diamond, do it. If it's not a diamond, do it.
@PinkPinstripes--I have to disagree about the diamond bashing. I think the large majority of posters on here do have diamond e-rings, and are happy about their choice. And I'm happy for girls with diamonds! It just wasn't for me. I think perhaps sometimes people who sport non-diamonds are really enthusiastic about explaining their choice, which might in turn sound a little like bagging on diamonds, but I really don't think that's the intention.
PS. Here is my aqua ring.
@Octopus- I think you're very accurate in saying that I mistakenly read the non-diamond wearers as anti-diamonds when really they are enthusiastic about their rings. My apologies.
pink, i agree with you. I knew i wanted a diamond e-ring - my moms ering is a diamond, my grandmoms ering is a diamond. and it was what i knew i wanted. FI got me a diamond with a GIA cert, because not all diamonds are blood diamonds.
i have nothing against non diamond erings ( every ering ive seen posted on here is simply stunning!) i think the ering is very personal; some people gravitate towards diamonds and some don't.
@Minutiae - I agree entirely! I believe that the arguments against having a diamond are so much stronger than those for having one. Besides the points you said, the only argument that I can see for having a diamond is "Diamonds are traditional" - yeah because the guys who get rich from selling lots of diamonds made it that way.
I will openly admit here that I realise I am not like most women, and I in no way mean disrespect to anyone who has a diamond. I am just a massive over-analyser, over-thinker, and way too practical. If it doesn't do anything useful, I don't want it. But I know most people aren't so nuts, and so you are all quite allowed to want something because it is pretty, eeven though that's not the way I operate.
I (obviously) don't have a diamond ring. I have a cheap ($200) sapphire and white gold ring. He never gave it as an engagement ring, but I refused to let him waste more money on something that I personally feel is unnecessary, so when we got engaged I swapped fingers. Easy peasy! I get comments all the time about how beautiful it is, UNTIL they find out that it is an engagement ring. After that they seem embarrassed for liking a non-diamond ring. Oh the horror! Don't worry people, I won't tell anyone, your secret is safe with me! *rolls eyes*. My "best" friend has gone to my FI on numerous occasions behind my back to demand that he buy me a "real" ring! I can argue my case with her til the cows come home but she will never listen. She believes that I don't want a "real" e-ring because I "think I don't deserve it". Puke.
I think it's great that people who are against the mining industry are going out of their way to ensure they get ethical rings, like @PinkPinstripes. My only problem with this is that other people who don't have the means to buy "good" diamonds, will still continue to see most women wearing diamonds, and will therefore have to buy a cheaper, non-ethical diamond in order to have their own. However, getting a non-diamond stone may cause someone who would have otherwise got a non-ethical diamond to also choose a different stone. Social change by exposure and changing the norm. I know I have caused several people to now want a non-diamond ring.
Sorry, essay is now over 
For the exact reason you mentioned, I was adament that I did not want a diamond. I fell in love with Moissanites for their beauty and durability. The price was an added bonus. Do I tell everyone that it's a moissanite? No. Do people assume I have a diamond when they see my ring? Yes. I don't like lecturing for 10 minutes everytime someone sees my ring. I let them assume whatever they want, unless I get the feeling they're curious. I've gotten mixed reactions when I share info about my ring, but I don't care. I love my ring, it's beauitful and durable, and a symbol of love.
I've also drooled over sapphires and aquamarines. There are so many gorgeous choices out there.
I have a David Yurman ring that has a center stone that is a type of quartz I believe and at first I had some oo so what is that and I would always just say you know I am not sure but I am so happy to be engaged. We choose my ring because I wanted something more unique and imo many e-ring wear I live all look the same.
I believe that every woman should have the ring that she loves, regardless of what it is.
I noticed your first questions are "what if people thought this?"
It doesn't matter what people think. Only you can allow yourself to be affected by someone else's second-hand opinion.
*I will add that this is addressing people who would look down upon another for not having a diamond e-ring, not everyone who owns a diamond. Again, I believe everyone should have the e-ring they love.
You asked, was it crucial for me to have a diamond? When I was young, yes, but after doing research on the blatant culture-control of the industry, I absolutely grew to detest it. (The industry, not the diamonds themselves).
So then, it became crucial for me to NOT have a diamond. I looked everywhere for a ring that had no diamonds, not even in accents. It was rather difficult to find, and in the end, we ended up with getting it custom made, and I absolutely love it.
I will again stress that I don't think badly of anyone who owns a diamond. I am surrounded by women who have beautiful diamond e-rings, and when I see them, all I do is admire them-- I can't think of anyone who would deny a diamond's beauty, least if all me.
Absolutely no one has made any comment regarding my ring. And if anyone did, to be honest, I would probably burst out laughing-- how silly for anyone to believe you must have something simply because someone told you that you should.
Don't allow any room in your mind for thoughts regarding what anyone else thinks. Be confident in your choices no matter what you choose, diamond or no diamond!
I love jewelry, plain and simple. Non-diamond engagement rings, diamond engagement rings, etc.
But personally, i wanted a diamond engagement ring. In fact, I wanted a yellow one. DH wanted to buy me a white diamond--he's pretty old fashioned sometimes and I honestly don't think he'd ever have bought me a gemstone e-ring. I love gemstones and wear them on my right hand frequently, but i wanted a "traditional" diamond engagement ring. Plus, i really doubt a gemstone would hold up well in my profession and that would make me uncomfortable because I don't take off my wedding set.
I have a blue sapphire e-ring and love it. I chose it for a number of reasons, most importantly that I like to be different and the cost savings, which we're using for our wedding.
I honestly thought I'd get questions/remarks about it not being a diamond but I haven't. If people think it they keep it to themselves.
I don't think all us non-diamond people are diamond bashers. I originally thought I'd get a diamond e-ring. But things turn out differently than you often expect. Personally, I think us non-diamond e-ringers sometimes feel like we have to explain our decisions, which may be why people think we're diamond bashing.
I had one odd question (but it was an odd family member) about my ring. She thought this was a promise ring or something..
I'm much more about big and awesome than subtle and sparkly, so the aquamarine just fit. I think diamonds will always be the "default" engagement ring, but if you want gemstones, get gemstones.
The only reason it must be a diamond ring is because of a very effective De Beers marketing campaign. Diamond had not been the default engagement gemstone until this campaign embarked back before 1940's.
It's incredible how effective advertising can be.
The history of the diamond engagement ring actually goes back less than 100 years. Back then, de Beers (the company which owns all the diamond mines) was trying to figure out a way to increase the value of diamonds as they were falling in popularity and price. A vast advertising campaign including product placement in all the popular films basically popularised the idea of an engagement ring and invented the notion that diamonds are integral to romantic relationships.
Very interesting article about it here: http://www.gemnation.com/base?processor=getPage&pageName=forever_diamonds_1
So unless you believe the advertising, there's no reason why you can't get an engagement ring with another stone.
I have a sapphire engagement ring. To tell you the truth, I do get odd looks and every once in a while the "that's so (pause) interesting." I understand your point of view, so here are my suggestions:
- Have a prepared line that you feel comfortable repeating to people. I wasn't comfortable launching into my tirade about the diamond industry and false demand and consumerism, etc., so I just say, "I really wanted something different, so I asked for a sapphire." It's both true and uncontroversial. I'm not very good at concise political statements, so sticking to my personal preferences works best.
- If you go with something similar looking to a diamond, I would just try to walk the line between blurting out "it's not a diamond" and passing it off as a diamond. Be open if there is a reason to be, but it doesn't need to be inserted into every conversation. It will feel forced, and getting into that situation could make you far more defensive over time than you will ever need to be. Tell your female VIPs what it is, and then only bring it up when there is a reason to.
- I would avoid going ostentatious or super-traditional with a non-diamond engagement ring. For example, if you get a moissanite, don't go 4 carat size. But also avoid the 1 carat solitaire unless that is really your style or you have a colored stone. Going with a non-traditional stone will make a lot more sense to people if 1) it doesn't look like costume jewelry and 2) it is really interesting and tailored to you.
- Never apologize for the ring, even a little.
- Don't be too hard on people who react slightly off. Some people have a really hard time computing anything that deviates from the norm. It's just a type, and we need those people in the universe just like we need the dreamers and the trend setters. I've dealt with plenty of them by now, and just rolling with it works in the long run.
I don't have a diamond ring, and I love having something nontraditional. There's no one reason why or why not and I actually really enjoy the double-takes I get from people when they realize that it's my engagement ring. I didn't even really want a ring in the first place, though, so this is maybe a step closer to being traditional...
I have another friend who has a sapphire center stone which is gorgeous. Just stunning color. People either know what it is or don't. Or they ask. I think that as long as you're very happy with what you have, it doesn't matter what other people think and in fact often reveals to them their biases and expectations. (because, yes, as pretty and sparkly as they are, diamonds are really only traditional because of advertising.) FYI, both me and said friend are in Northern California... I think this is probably fertile ground for nontraditional rings.
My ring has colored and colorless sapphires in it. It was custom designed (an surprisingly not very expensive) and the stones came from within the U.S. so I felt good about that. People (including relative strangers) tend "oh" and "ah" over it and ask about it because they think it's an antique.
Engagement rings weren't always diamonds (and still aren't) but the prevalence was started by plain old marketing campaigns.
Mine's a claddagh ring with an emerald. I love it, and couldn't imagine anything else for me. I didn't want a diamond (for the same reasons many people have cited above), but it all boils down to a personal choice. No one's ever made any negative comments about mine not being a diamond (at least not to my face 
) and if anyone ever did, I'd simply tell them it's my ring and I love it.
A bit off topic, but "Diamonds, Gold, and War" by Martin Meredith is a great (but long) book about South Africa and the early years of De Beers. It is really interesting how marketing and industry monopolies can set trends.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling, but my main point is that you should get what you want, and if other people think it's odd, that's their problem :)
My ring is a raw, uncut diamond because it was an amazing, architectural, modern ring that I fell in love with. Not your usual engagement ring. I just wanted something "different" - it is still technically a diamond (which didn't matter to me), but it looks like something completely different!
my e-ring has no stone at all. It is a simple silver band that may FI made himself out of sheets of silver (yay for random college jewelry classes!). I have gotten odd remarks, especially from my family. But when it comes down to it, this is what he could afford, he made it himself which makes is 100% unique and meaningful, and I love the symbolism of it. Yes, some people think I am married but I just tell them when the wedding is. Go with what you want, dont worry about what evryone thinks of it. My e-ring is a band and my wedding band will be a solitaire (we are using a rough diamond...cheaper and a unique) that he is also making. Backwards than most people but I love it!
My ring has a green sapphire in it because it was really important to me to have a non-diamond engagement ring. Partly because I am practical first and I could not find anyway to justify my fiance spending loads of money on a ring when we are hoping to buy our first house soon. Practical matters aside, I also have never particularly liked diamonds and I always imagined having a unique engagement ring with a colored stone. That said, I don't pass any judgment on those who do have diamond e-rings; diamonds just aren't my style and I wanted a ring that suited my personality.
You could always go for a vintage or estate ring, that way you still get a diamond but it's not directly contributing to unethical mining practices, it's just recycling! :) That's actually what I wanted to do but SO was against it...Truthfully, sometimes I do feel a bit guilty that my ring is not from Canada or other ethically mined place...I totally agree with the fact that a diamond is so not in any way necessary, the ring is just a symbol of commitment!
And I always say this whenever I see it but Octo, your ring is so beautiful!!
though i ended up with a diamond i dreamt about a sapphire forever lol but i do love my ring and wouldnt trade it. He did look for one htough but he said they werent awesome enough for me
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