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Like you already said, LDR's are a lot of work. The one thing that I value most in this relationship versus traditional relationships, is that when you're in an LDR, you talk. Not small talk or idle chat, but you really talk. About your dreams, your fears, you hopes, your insecurities, and you really do grow closer as a couple. Granted, it does also tend to lead to more fights because you're being so open, but it also shows you the side of your SO that you wouldn't normally see. How many guys do you know that would lie next to you in bed and discuss their insecurities?
Independance is a GREAT thing. While I'm being the emotional rock my best friend needs while batling breast cancer and the maid of honor for another friend, and mom my SO is working and hanging out with the guys. But at the end of the day (or when we have scheduled date nights) the rest of the world disappears and it's just th two of us.
Trust can be difficult for some people in an LDR, especially if they have trust issues. There was a few snags early on for both my SO and I, but it just took a bit of talking and we were good.
My SO and I don't see eachother as often as we'd like. But when we do, it's like falling in love all over again. The inability to touch can be extrememly difficult for people who aren't strong enough to be in an LDR, or it can make someone a little non affectionate (I know someone like this). For me, it's hard for not be able to touch him. Not sexually, but when I've have a hard day. I have a special needs child, and my best friend with cancer, and sometimes I'd like to be able to get out of the bath and curl up with him. A laptop sometimes doesn't cut it. But beyond that, if a person is strong enough to handle being in an LDR, in my opinion, the relationship is MUCH stronger once they're together.
ETA: still LDR :/ and probably won't change until next year. But, it's worth it. He's worth it. <3
LDRs are a lot of work. I have been on one for 2 years going on 3 this year. We went from seeing eachother almost every day for 3 years to only seeing eachother once a month sometimes less (4 hour drive). I cherish all the time i get to spend with him, although my mom gets annoyed that all i wanna do when i come home from school is see him 24/7. At first trust was something that i lacked but ive realized that he loves me and would never hurt me. I cant wait for my LDR to end in May 3012. Also i get butterflies during the whole 4 hours drive. I feel like i on our first date all over again. Then when i see his face i think wow he so much more handsome that i remember lol
@lawyer2bee: Your four points sum it up beautifully!
In addition to what you said, I really feel that being in an LDR has helped me to realize how much I really appreciate and want to be with my SO. An LDR is anything but convenient or easy, and because of that, I know that we don't have a relationship of convenience.
Last, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It's always reassuring to hear someone in a similar situation continuing to have a prosperous relationship after the transition from an LDR to moving in together! You have reminded me to wait patiently for the day when SO and I will finally can be together. I know that it will be worth it, but like I said, it's always reassuring to hear it from someone who has been there!
@MeAndDubby: wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and that you certainly are a very strong woman! I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to curl up together. That's what I hated most about it. I'm so sorry to hear about your best friend. I'm sure she truly appreciates how strong you are and that you're there for her.
@bsbee: I can't imagine going from not long distance to long distance! That must be so difficult. It makes spending time together so great though, doesn't it?
@ChicChick: I really like that point of it not being easy or convenient. I'd never thought about it that way. I can't say I was a patient waiter haha but looking back, it went by fast enough and it is SO worth it!
I've never been long distance with my fiancé, but I was in two long distance relationships totalling to about a year before him, so it really made me appreciate being with him and being able to see him and spend time with him.
All of you are very strong!! It's definitely hard! I do kind of miss being more independent, but not as much as I'd miss him if we had to do long distance. If it's meant to be, you do what you need to, though. And it's worth it :) It definitely makes you stronger for it.
I think that while LDR's are harder, they make you appreciate the small things. Holding hands, kissing hello and/or goodbye, eye contact. The sound of his breath when he sleeps. The way he always has to have some part of him touching me, and it's usually his foot (and God I hate feet). Hell, I don't even mind when his clothes are on the floor and I have to pick them up. Because I'm glad I actually *can* pick them up.
I am in an LDR and will be until we are married next year. I definitely agree that being in an LDR makes your relationship stronger! For me, I know that he truly is the one because I can be in this relationship and still have it work. I think out communication is a lot stronger and more open than it would be if we weren't apart. I also agree that you learn to love the little things - just simply being together without any big things to do. One thing that helps deal with the separation is constant communication (we text all the time when we can), skype (and yes ... sexy skype too ...), and planning our trips to see each other in advance so we have things to count down to. It's hard, but it's worth it.
Me and my guy talk about this a lot... how our relationship while together will be strong because of lessons learned during the distance. Our LDR ends in about a week, so I am glad to read other people saying it did happen for them.
Communication has been everything, and ironing out any creases while apart so when we are finally together we can have a head start if that makes sense.
Its a great learning process as hard as it may be. You learn how to compromise, be open, and certainly live on a tight budget! (flights and stuff)
I know I can be without him. But I never am. Before in a relationship I would whine if I had not seen the other person for a few days or a week. I have not seen my fiance for three months. I am still as in love with him as ever, if not moreso.I am also a better and stronger person. Less selfish for sure.
People do not often realise how much work goes in.
@MeAndDubby: I totally agree!! I just laugh when I hear my girlfriends complaining about their husbands not picking up their socks or something. I say to them that they should be lucky to have dirty socks on their floor because it means their husband is home!
DH and I likely will be in an LDR-ish type marriage for 20+ years with the military if he decides to stay in for a career (which we're leaning towards now). With his job, he'll be gone at least 6 months out of the year for most of his time serving. While he's away, he doesn't have a phone, Skype, or really even too many letters. Depending on where he's stationed, he may get to ports of call and get to call home, but it's never for sure.
We never will know with absolute certainty when he's leaving or when he's coming home. Ever! It's just how it is, and we both accept that and move on. We've learned that no matter how tough it gets though, it's never too tough for us because we choose to conquer those battles together.
I've learned that even with communication like texting or Skype that it sure makes it easier, but people can and do make marriages and relationships work even under the most extreme circumstances of limited communication and that's so incredible.
I met a woman whose husband served in WWII. She went two years hearing NOTHING from him, except a letter once or twice during that whole time. She chose to believe he was still living, and he eventually came home to her, and they were married for 46 more years after that. That's inspiring to me, and I know that DH and I can make our marriage work no matter what the Navy throws our way.
We were in a LDR for about a year and a half. I completely agree with everything you've said. A LDR sucks at the time and sometimes feels like too much to bear, but it's so worth it in the end. So many of the problems other young couples our age are dealing with are in our past.
I have just embarked on a LDR and I have to say, it's all about getting through the time. I am finishing at university for 2 years and he is working full time. Sometimes it hurts more than anything I'd ever felt, and feels impossible to get through but we both plan to keep getting through it until the end. It's forced us to communicate more and be more open which is great.
There is hope for everyone in a LDR! It will only work if you both want it to!
Thank you for this post, it sums up a lot of what I feel. Distance certainly isn't easy, but there is so much we've learned from it. The communication, compromise, and specifically learning how to tell eachother what we want and need to make our relationship work. Getting through problems while being long distance also seems to make anything else that comes up trivial.
This is similar to gaining independence, but I feel I have gained confidence. Confidence in myself and what I can achieve, as well as confidence in the strength and committment of our relationship. I don't need him to be here with me, but when he is life is even better.
I definitely agree with the first posting. They are hard but I think they will make us stronger in the end. If we can go through this now, we can go through so much more later. =)
I am so encouraged by these posts! I definitely agree with a lot of what has been said.
I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost 4 years now. We don't see each other very often but Skype has been incredibly helpful.
I agree with the first post and I do feel that the long distance aspect of our relationship has challenged us to grow and mature as individuals and as a couple (and at a quickened pace!). Though it can be really hard at times, I think long-distance has been a blessing in disguise. :)
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LDR's are hard. I mean really hard. However, I think in the long run, you come out a stronger person for it!
SO and I have been dating for 4 1/2 years and were long distance up until two months ago. Now that we're living together, I can really appreciate how strong the long distance made our relationship. Here is my little list of things I think being in an LDR really helped with
I think it's because of these reasons that our transistion from LDR to living together was so seamless. So far it's been great! We haven't had any fights and we work great as a team to keep our place clean and the bills paid. I'm in school and he works full time so we don't get to see each other until the late evenings when I'm done studying, but the 4 year wait to live together was so worth getting to wake up next to the love of my life every morning. (Plus the whole being independent thing is great when I know I have to be on my own all day
)
How did/does your LDR make you a stronger person??